Loss of Innocence

Celine Dion ~ Fly

"Please Listen"

There Are Victims; Then There Are Victims

Is it just ME, or are you, too, overwhelmed by the too frequent news stories about senseless victimization of innocent people?

Silly question; of course you are!  We all are.

This week’s news brought us another “no apparent motive” slaying of innocent holiday shoppers in an unsuspecting mall.

Clad in hockey mask and bullet-proof vest (God forbid the shooter would allow himself to become a victim!) a young male ran through a mall taking the lives of two innocent victims and wounding others.

 

Then, he took his own life (at least two bullets too late, in my opinion - and I feel awful even feeling that way). I still cannot grasp the concept of killing innocent people, then killing yourself. If that were the plan, why the bullet-proof vest?  Control?

Experts tell us it’s about the “legacy” the shooter creates for him/herself in creating front page news as opposed to being another entry on the obit page. 

I won’t mention the name of the shooter; I won’t give him that.

Author and Speaker, Sonia Ricotti, expressed it this way:

"Anytime you blame others and complain about your situation, you are choosing to be a victim. By playing the victim role you are putting yourself in an ineffective and weak position. It is virtually impossible to allow incredible miracles to enter your life when you choose to remain in this negative mental state."

So, perhaps this shooter was, indeed, his own victim; the most tragic one of all.  Has it become impossible for a 22-year old to hold-out hope for the future – his own?

I get that it can be hard to stay positive these days.  We’re free-falling over financial cliffs, recovering from earthquakes that haven’t given us enough time to heal from last year’s.  We are trying to hold onto the dreams of generations past who succeeded in making the world a better place – at least for a time. 

So, are we all victims?  Victims of time, circumstances, government, Mother Nature?  I think there are compelling arguments in all of these directions; but I’d argue against every one.

By one definition, being a victim is what happens to you over which you have no control.  Ahh, control.

By another definition, being a victim is a state of mind.  Does that absolve us from the responsibility to stay in control of ourselves, to be accountable, and to work to rise above.

I have never thought of myself as a victim.  Have I suffered involuntary consequences due to the act of others? MY OWN? Yes; I imagine we all have.  But I won’t accept being a victim.  This may sound crazy, but I would rather be a slain victim of a random madman than a lifelong victim of myself.  I believe the latter is exponentially more tragic.  Self-inflicted wounds are the hardest to heal.

As more information comes out about the Mall Shooter, perhaps we will sympathize; even empathize.  But please, let’s refuse to accept that, collectively, we are not better than this.  We can be.  We need to be.

So IS it just me, (please tell me it’s not) or do you, too, hold out more hope for the world than senseless – selfish – acts of violence that diminish all of us.  

Let’s decide, individually and collectively, to focus on the positive – especially at this time of the year – and reassure ourselves that even a single act of kindness can impact as many lives – maybe more – than a single act of violence.

As for the others, well … pray!

REALLY? REALLY!

Is it just me, or are you, too, confused and angry about the DJ phone-prank to Kate Middleton’s hospital.  Really confused!

I love a royal wedding as much as anyone!  I watched.  I get that we are overly curious about the goings-on of the royals.  For me, though, it’s not all positive.

My infatuation with Princes William and Harry is, I have to admit, an extension of my respect for Princess Diana.  How proud she’d be of her boys – and can you even think of Diana as a Grandmother?  What a beautiful image comes to mind.

So, let’s get into this, shall we?

Notions of accountability, good judgment, thinking something through, sensitivity, and good old common sense come to mind.  I get that 2 young radio DJs from Australia never imagined they could pull something as – can’t think of the right word – (stupid, “impossible”, daring…) as this off.  I know there was no malice behind it – at least I hope not – but were there also no brains??

To what length is any one today NOT willing to go- and at what cost to another to have their 15 minutes of fame?  Well, Mal, I mean Mel, and Mr. Christian (perhaps, not so much), congrats – the whole world knows your names!  You’ve made it to the worldwide stage.

I read that after successfully pulling this prank off, there was time to decide whether to air the conversation, or not.   Oh, to have those moments back again!  I also read it was “trumpeted” several times.

We live in a world of retractions.  Put it all out there.  If you get caught, offer a few mea culpas and it’s all supposed to go away.

 

ATTENTION PEOPLE OF THE WORLD – why do you think YOU are going to be the one to get away with “it”.  The indiscretions of politicians, celebrities, and the everyman are growing boring.  Men sending photos of their (keep it) private parts  over the internet, having affairs – and children, as a result (Sorry, Arnold, this time, I don’t think you’ll be back – AND the book bombed!) are soon to be included in sports stories as opposed to headline news.  ENOUGH!

Back to the royal situation.  Indeed, it is a “royal” situation.  Here’s what I wonder:

Kate was less than 12 weeks into her pregnancy at the time of her hospitalization; no one even knew she was expecting; strange way to make such an awaited announcement…

Is it not possible for the royals to provide this degree of medical care at home?  Many, even seriously ill, patients have fluid therapies administered at home.  (AND, they announced she is back in the hospital.  HELLOOOOOO!

Did King Edward VII hospital have no protocol in place for such a royal patient?  Were “they” the only ones not aware aware of their special guest?

 

Are there more than 2 people in the world who think the Queen makes her own calls on such matters? (I guess after she jumped out of a helicopter to open the Olympics, anything might be possible!)

Horrible accents aside, this was nothing short of a royal indiscretion of a radio station and two on-air personalities.  Just so tragic. 

I understand the thought of a death resulting from a really bad imitation of the Queen never entered the mind of Mel Grieg and Michael Christian, but therein lies the lesson.   While we can all appreciate a good joke or a funny story, it is rarely funny when it is at the expense of another human being.  For Jacintha Saldanha, who knows if this weren’t her last straw, another moment of a sort of bullying that she just couldn’t bear another moment of.

Jacintha was a nurse.  A professional dedicated to the care of others. Yet, was there no one there to care for her?

I hate stories like this…no one wins; everyone loses.

The tearful apologies of the now off-the-air personalities seemed genuine enough.  But, if there weren’t a death at the end of it all; what then?  Does it take an ending such as this to call to task the  responsibility of those paid to sit in front of open mics? (Wow, that opens another whole can of worms.) Or, does it always come back to the “it was wrong – because I got caught”?

I am no less confused now than at the start of this communiqué.  I struggle to find peace with such a set of circumstances.  I am appalled at the on-air comments of Mike Hogan, Executive Director of Arts and Entertainment at Huffington Post who declared that, and I quote,  “…every British person I know living in the United Sates considers the royals the most ridiculous creatures who ever walked the earth”.  Mr Hogan!  Are you not aware that to this day, 16 nations still hold the British Monarchy as their head of state?  CREATURES?

There is an unborn child in the mix of this story as well as now motherless children.  That’s where the worlds of the royals, the family of a dedicated nurse, and members of the media collided and why none of them can ever be the same again.    

We need to care for one another, not seek to gain at the expense of another.  We need to protect our own privacy as we choose; not declare it and expect others to grant it.  We need to keep a thoughtful eye and ear on those around us and be there when they need us to be. 

Bring a gorgeous, healthy baby into this world, Kate; a future king or queen, and be well throughout this special time in your life.

Find peace in happy memories of your mother, Jacintha, and may she find the peace she seemed denied of in this world.

And to Mel Greig and Michael Christian…in your “time-out” from your celebrity gig, may I suggest doing some volunteer work in a hospital. If you are yet unaware that the world doesn’t spin without the watchful care of nurses, 24/7, you stand to be amazed – you should be; you will be!  Their shifts are difficult enough and there is nothing funny about it – or you!

So, IS it just me, or does this whole story stun and numb you, too?  If this were the plot on a show or in a movie, I think it would seem far-fetched.  Sadly it is real.  Life is real; life is earnest.  What we do, good or bad, affects others.  It’s all about good judgment.  Use it.!

What are your thoughts on this tragic story?  Please comment.

      Since sharing these thoughts, 2Day FM, the radio station behind this disastrous display of journalism/entertainment has announced that advertising revenues of up to $500,000 will be sent to the family of the late Jacintha Saldanah.

Do you feel this sort of contrition is enough?

     It has also been stated that according to The New South Wales State Surveillance Devices Act, criminal charges may be forthcoming. (The law requires the permission of all parties on a recorded call prior to the conversation being made public.)

Do you feel the prank was a criminal act?

  

     Despite the clarity of the law (see, above), the Chief Executive of 2Day FM has been quoted saying nothing was illegal?

Is he just stupid, or what?

Nanny Was Right

Is it just ME, or do you, too, sometimes feel a bit melancholy around holiday time?

As a kid, I remember Nanny Johnston looking a little sad this time of year.  We were all excited in anticipation of the big day; how could anyone be sad?

As I grew older Nanny shared her perspective.  She said, for the young, the holiday season  (she never didn’t call it Christmas!) is all about looking forward; wondering, hoping, wishing.  She continued.  For older folk, it’s about remembering; looking back.

 

I suppose the rhythm of the holidays spawns a natural ebb and flow all its own.  What we don’t even realize we are thinking can begin to overwhelm us.  Subconscious, or not, those thoughts are still there, they are very real, and they are the most powerful thoughts of all.

The great Mentor, Napoleon Hill told us that the only thing we can control is our thoughts.  Easier said than done, sir?

While each turn of the calendar is its own blessing, I have come to believe that each blessing comes with a price tag of sorts.  I am by no mean maudlin by nature but I believe the balance sheet of life will always, somehow, balance out.

I have learned that the depth of pain and loss, the grief and emptiness we feel at certain times of the year can only exist as the result of love and joy shared with those we miss.  

TheIWLA added a story to the Resource Center (Inspiration) today (12/7/12), GRIEF AND GRATITUDE   That’s what got me thinking.  Please give it a quick read: Grief and Gratitude

May I offer this?  Regardless of what holiday you celebrate or how you celebrate it, remember to honor your feelings, your thoughts, your memories. You owe that to yourself and to those who fill those memories, good and bad, who have shared this journey with you and who have brought you to today.

There is amazing scene in the Godfather Trilogy where an older Michael reflects on a family gathering from years gone-by.  The scene shifts from the color of the current shot to a black and white scene around the dining table of the Corleone family.   In an almost shadowed picture, we hear the voice of the late Sonny, we hear laughter.  It is obviously a moment Michael feels worthy of remembering; yet he is sad.

I have scenes like that in my mind – they are good ones.  I picture my Grandmothers and the excitement – I now understand – they may have feigned for our benefit. I picture my Dad – the biggest kid in the family -  on his stomach under the tree fixing the trains.   I remember Mom trying to finish putting together our Christmas outfits – then worrying about what she would wear.  Yes, these memories can be tough but I wouldn’t trade all the tears in the world for them to go away.

So, IS it just me , Nanny Johnston, and Sandra Abell, author of the story referenced, above, who have been lucky enough to have reason to feel a bit blue at the holidays. ?  I hope not.

  Dear Nanny,

      Wishing you all the joy, love, peace, and happiness you gave us and for teaching us the true meaning of Christmas.

                                                                                           For ever and ever,    .                                                                          

                                                                                                   Love,  Bethy 

Please, share a Christmas memory…

Yes, I Believe

Is it just ME, or do you, too, get caught up in the lyrics of Josh Groban’s BELIEVE; not to mention the vocal perfection of the rendition!

If you are not familiar with what will, undoubtedly, become a Christmas classic, allow me to share some of the words; my gift to you….(even if you don’t know the melody, just read the words…)

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside 
And give your dreams the wings to fly
you’ll have everything you need
If you just believe.

JUST BELIEVE!  Can it really be as simple as those two words make it sound?  I dare to guess this declarative may pose a problem to some.  And I get that; I understand that.

Life throws many challenges in the paths of women these days, at home, at work, and in the community.  While any given moment may seem an uphill struggle, at the end of the day, there should be peace in our hearts, a smile of satisfaction on our lips, maybe some aching bones, and – if we’re lucky – a few brain cells left to multiply and get us ready for the next day, and the next, and the next.

So, after a grueling day, what is it that gives you the strength and the courage the next morn to throw back the covers, plant your feet on the floor and start all over again?

I know, I know.  I can hear some saying, “Do I really have a choice”?

Yes, you do have a choice; we all have a choice.  Please BELIEVE the choice is always yours. Please BELIEVE you have everything you need within you to make the right choice – most of the time. As the song says, “Believe in what your heart is saying”.

For me, it goes something like this:  if I am happy (enough) with the outcome of yesterday, I choose to do my best to duplicate or improve upon it today; I BELIEVE that makes sense.  If yesterday weren’t a day I’d like to repeat, I choose to make (at least attempt) the necessary changes.  I BELIEVE that makes sense.  Not all that complicated!

 I re-learn (and experience) every day that if I don’t choose, I give another the power to choose for me.  If that works for you, great.  If allowing someone else to make choices for you isn’t comfortable, then “…BELIEVE what you feel inside…” and choose for yourself.  Choose to find the right balance day-by-day based on what’s most important.  (i.e.  I’m OK if someone else chooses what we tune-into on TV at 11pm – I probably won’t make it past the first set of commercials, anyway – and that’s a choice I surrender to a higher power.  On that one, BELIEVE me, I don’t always get to choose.)

BELIEVE that every one of your choices was based on what you were feeling was right at that time.

BELIEVE that choices made that didn’t turn out as you had hoped don’t define you.

BELIEVE that every new day empowers you and you are empowered to make a difference for others.

BELIEVE that while the rear-view mirror gives you clarity, it is only in looking forward that you have a 

chance to make new choices, different choices, better choices.  IF YOU BELIEVE.

So, IS it just me, or do you get what 8 magical lines from a song that – if I could choose -  would be sung every month of the year - mean in the life of a woman who chooses to BELIEVE she has everything within her to achieve the life she dreams of having and the life that she deserves?     

All together, now…

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside 
And give your dreams the wings to fly
you’ll have everything you need
If you just believe

Another angel just got her wings; congratulations

(it’s you!)

Conscious Acts of Kindness

Is it just ME, or do you, too, love reading about and watching YouTube videos of “random acts of kindness”?

While I understand the meaning of the phrase, it still intrigues me.  Here are a few definitions of the word “random” – selected just that way!

RANDOM; def:  In no particular order

                            Spontaneous

                            Lacking any definite plan or order in purpose

                            Occurring without definite aim

                            Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective

Interesting!

Last week’s news brought us two magical examples of such acts. In no particular order, ergo, random: a photo of a young New York City police officer showed him kneeling beside who he believed to be a homeless man.  The man was also shoeless and sockless.  The 23-year old member of the department known as New York’s Finest was giving this man shoes and socks.  The officer noticed the calluses on the soles of the man’s feet and the gentleness of the officer’s soul saw no alternative action to take.  The picture was taken by a tourist passing-by – how random.  The officer did not know the picture was taken.

Next, we learned of the Secret Santa from Missouri who came to the New York Metro area – not a random act -  hoping to spread some holiday goodwill among those still devastated by Superstorm Sandy (October 29, 2012).

Secret Santa strolled around neighborhoods, visited Salvation Army Centers, and handed out crisp $100 bills to deserving recipients.  Their reactions were priceless; so grateful.  Never was Secret Santa’s identity revealed except to tell us he had made a promise to a former Secret Santa that every year he would gift $100,000 in $100 bills, just because…

So, there you have it.  Two beautiful examples of the spirit of humanity we hear too little of.  I suppose bad news sells better!

As I still sat smiling at the photo of Officer Lawrence DePrimo (definitely  “Primo”) and wiped a tear after the Secret Santa story, I was left wondering….

Do we no longer have a purpose in giving? Do we actually need a purpose to give?  Do we no longer take advantage of a spontaneous moment to give of ourselves?  Must every act and deed be calculated, timed, and mathematically aimed?

Oh, I pray that is not so and in my heart I believe many, many of us are ready, willing and ready to offer an act of kindness, a helping hand, even just a smile.  There need not be a cost and there need not be a photo-op attached at the other end.

In my older brothers bedroom, hung a small wooden plaque.  It read, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  I saw it most every day.  It took years of reflection – and a bit of maturing – to really understand it.  Today I do; I really do.

I wish I said “thank-you” to every soldier I’ve seen in airports, gas stations, parades.  I wanted to; but I didn’t cease the moment.  I wondered if that was what they wanted me to do.  I argued that I didn’t want to invade their privacy.  I over-thought it.  I gave up the chance.  I put my feeling ahead of theirs. 

I know that Officer DePrimo and Secret Santa are two of among many who don’t think twice about randomly taking the risk of being kind to another without worry of how they may be received.  That’s why I don’t think it’s random.  There will always be those who do because they know no other way; it’s who they are, it’s what they believe, it’s how they were raised – and that’s not random.

May I put something out there….don’t over-think kindness to others.  Doing so makes it more about you than the act, itself.  Dare to put your heart out there.  Be willing to “shock” another because you deem them worthy of your instinctive need to be kind.  It is contagious. It is a virus we should be willing to share and breed.

PLAN to be kind every day.  AIM high.  Know the PURPOSE; it’s simple.

It’s BECAUSE:  because you can, because someone else benefits, it’s because…………..wait…there really doesn’t have to be a big reason. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose.  Let someone pass ahead of you in a line,  hold the door for a senior citizen…oh, the hell with it… JUST SMILE.

Thinking about it doesn’t get it done; intending to means you haven’t.

So IS it just me?  Will you join me and commit to “random” acts of kindness.  It’s the best way to make you feel good about YOU.  I promise, others will follow your actions; there is no better way to lead than by example.

Tell me…have you witnessed a random act of kindness? Have you been the benefactor or beneficiary of one?  Sure you have…you’re a woman of leadership!

 

For all those in need of your kindness, “thanks”, in advance.  (I’m smiling!)

  

  

  

What are the Odds?

Is it just ME, or would you be disappointed to learn that among the 100 Most Influential People of All Time (TIME), there are only _______ women ?

Go ahead, take a guess… how many women do you think are listed among the 100 most influential people of all time?  Think of a number… we’ll see how you did in a few minutes.

I’ve always loved book stores – real book stores.  Not the ones you hold in your hands, the ones that hold you in the depth and breadth of their shelves, high ceilings, brightly colored covers, well-designed displays.  You know, an old fashioned book store with a peculiar, yet pleasing, a smell all its own.  Good times!

(It just reminded me of a cute movie with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.  She owns a tiny neighborhood book store and he is a mega-book store developer.  He’s about to put her out of business, they fall in love….  Cute moves:  “You’ve Got Mail”.  Great rainy Saturday, down-time movie… but I digress.)

So, true to my nature, I bought TIME’S special edition book, eager to break the spine and turn the pages for the first time.  Pictures first, of course.

I was curious… alphabetically; it spanned Abraham, of Old Testament fame, to the Wright Brothers.  On the timeline, it went from Abraham to Steve Jobs.  It included spiritual leaders, explorers, philosophers, inventors, world leaders, and yes, the Beatles.  Yeah, Yeah, Yeah – YEAH!

Though a big fan of both, I don’t often think of Jesus Christ and Mohammad Ali (formerly known as Cassius Clay) in the same sentence; probably not in the same conversation; both included.

I turned page after page.  Then, I went back to the table of contents.  I began to count. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!  That was it!  Just 10 women included.  10!  (How far off was your guess?)

These 10 awesome women include Joan of Arc (The name of the Church in which my parents were married and my two older brothers Baptized.  I can still close my eyes and see the huge mural of St. Joan in battle.  As a little girl, I thought the picture was of a boy.  Oh boy!)

Blessed Mother Teresa, Saint of the Gutters (do you recall that she died shortly after Princess Diana?)  About a year later, my then 5-year-old nephew, who always associated Princess Diana with Mother Teresa because of the timing of their deaths, referred to Mother Teresa as “The Other Princess”.  Don’t you love it – AND understand it?), Native American Sacagawea, Researcher, Madame Marie Curie, Queen Isabella I of Spain, Queen Elizabeth I of England,  American Suffrage Crusader Emmeline Pankhurst, Irish-American Freedom Fighter Margaret Sanger (she coined the phrase birth-control!), Chivalry Patron Eleanor of Aquitaine,  and she who is referred to as history’s first superstar: Cleopatra.

That’s it;  10!   Only 10% of those recognized as being among the 100 most influential people of ALL time are woman.

Let us not forget that behind every one of those 100 was a woman; a Mother. And let us never forget that the hand that has rocked the cradle has formed and steered the world, and so it goes.  NOW, THAT’S INFLUENCE!

And to you and to every woman: never forget what your role in life is.  None of us is likely to be included in TIME’S next edition of this book – anyway, it’s just their opinion.  Yet, it is what women of leadership do in supporting our spouses, our partners, our children, workplaces, and communities that give hope to the future of what will continue to influence all of mankind.

Being a woman in today’s world is not always easy.  It is, however, a role to be proud of, to be admired, to be respected.  

I wonder what words of wisdom Confucius would offer of today’s woman. (BTW, he made the top 100 as Moral Philosopher). 

Of women, The Dali Lama (didn’t make the cut) has said it is (western) women who will save the world (no pressure!).

And do you know why Jesus Christ performed his first public miracle at the Wedding Feast of Cana?  Because his Mother asked him!  (a good Jewish son!) 

So, IS it just me, or are you surprised that only 1 in 10 of the top 100 is a woman?  Oh, wait… can that mean it takes 10 men to equal a woman?  Just a mathematical calculation!!

P.S. and to you, my dear Mother…. thanks.  You definitely make the top 10 in my book!

Please comment and share the names and stories of some of the women who have changed the world - for you.  Thanks!