In The Mirror

Is it just ME, or are you, too, amazed by people – even just one, if you’re lucky – who continue to inspire and amaze you?

I remember being eager to share daily reflections with my Dad – the world’s greatest listener – to draw-out his reaction.  I remember sharing my shock, my surprise, my delight – whatever I was feeling and asking, “Can you believe that, Dad?”  He’d look over his glasses, methodically remove them right to left, take a concentrated pause and reply, “Doll, you’ve been around long enough; how can anything surprise you, anymore.”  Oh, the wisdom!

Some of those days were half my life ago.  How I wish I could have just one more.  (That wouldn’t surprise anyone who knew my Dad.)

I think the sad reality of the high-tech age is that we hear so much that is negative.  The evening news show is too much to handle some times – and that’s just the local news!

Children being taken, spouses calculating cruelty against each other, politicians pandering for support…ENOUGH!

And then, it the bleakest of moments, hope rises from ruin and we are restored and reminded that good people, great people still live among us  Do they just not sell as many newspapers or keep the advertising dollar high enough to be lauded?  

I don’t know for sure – I wish I could figure it out, but in the meantime, I want to shine a light – again – on the women I am blessed to work with, to serve, to know, to admire, to call “friend”, my “sisters”, both biological and spiritual.  You continue to amaze me on so many levels and in so many ways. 

     

Yes, Dad, I have been around that long, yet I am still amazed!

Here’s the point: women always want to be, do, to help, to contribute.  Women NEED to do; leadership is born in us.  OK, maybe we just need to be reminded that we can aspire to be whatever we set our hearts, minds, passion and hard work to.  We are only bound by the limits we weigh ourselves down with.

Almost daily, I converse with a number of members of The Inter-national Women’s Leadership Association (TheIWLA).  They come from all walks of life, varying cultures and educational backgrounds. 

They often lose sight of the contribution they make to the world – they are just too busy doing it!  They are just that purposeful.

These women walk among us every day.  They don’t always stand out in a crowd; they rarely seek to.  They are “the makers”; not “the takers”.  They change hats throughout the day, they multi-task, they get the job done and then take on another one.  They keep the world spinning and say “thank you” at the end of the day.

Oh, I am just so amazed to know many of you, to have been blessed to share some time with you.

So, IS it just me, or are you, too blessed to have even one such person in your life? 

Look in the mirror…THERE SHE IS!!!

The “I”s Have It – and I Want It Back

Is it just ME or are you, too, experiencing that not much is the same as in “the good old days”?  Boy, do I sound old!

I remember my Mom saying she wouldn’t want to change places with her children or grandchildren.  How sad, I thought, as both of those generations had so much more than the post-Great Depression/WW II generation who are rightfully touted as “the greatest generation”.

She also said that what we couldn’t understand in the moment would become crystal clear one day.   I get it now.

Kids today have so much.  They have their iPhones,  their iPads, and their iPods.  While the technologies of “stuff” is great & may certainly create “ipportunity”, what might it have taken away?  Has the barter of one for the other been worth it; will it ever be?  “I” am not sure.

Do you remember simpler days when kids played outside after school and got dirty?  Do you remember just showing up at the usual meeting place or playground and being included? (BTW – we walked – uphill – both ways!) Do you remember when kids were kids and parents were parents and you found your friends elsewhere?

In the “i-era”, my fear – and that’s a strong feeling, but it’s an honest one, is that we are becoming i-solated, i-nternalized, and too i-ntrospective.   Is that an i-mprovement on the world condition or a giant step backwards?  Is the unsolicited  i-ntrusion on our privacy working for us or against us?

Not sure…perhaps, as Mom promised, we’ll know in 20 years, or so – when our thumbs have grown stronger and bigger and our list of friends (I’m talking real friends – the ones you can’t and don’t want to shake for 50-60 years; not the i-nternet ones) has shrunk. 

It’s not just the kids!  I’ve seen groups of adults (by chronological definition, anyway), who sit in the presence of each other yet are engaged with one not in their presence.  No kidding!  A table of 6 “grown-ups”, none of whom were speaking to each other yet all i-ngaged in a remote conversation!  What?

Soak in the moments.  Steal back the opportunity to be present when in the presence of another.  SPEAK  i-nstead of texting.  I promise you this:  all the i-mails, the texts, the messages will wait for you – but THIS moment will never come again.  “I” guarantee THAT!

So, IS it just me, or does a one-on-one conversation when someone doesn’t take a call and make you feel less i-mportant in the moment sound good right about now?

If you’re up for it… buy another vowel…

May I suggest this one…buy a

“U”

How Do You Spell “All”?

Is it just ME, or do you, too, remember when the “wonder woman” theory became coined?

No, I’m not talking about the TV show starring Linda Carter as a super-hero.  I’m talking about the potential effect it may have had on the rest of us.

During a recent online chat with a group of well-accomplished women from assorted industries and professions, the conversation related to the notion of a women “having it all”; being “the wonder woman”

 

Opinions varied, which it was made it a valuable chat…

Here are some of my thoughts:

I feel that women have pressured other woman to feel they should want to have it all, that they should need to have it all, that they can handle it all.  Anything that comes up short of that means you haven’t measured up to other women.  Please!

At the end of the day, the only one you have to answer to is the person in the mirror.  If whose looking back at you appears unhappy, exhausted, unfulfilled, what is it that you are trying to prove – and to whom?

Is it a demand on every woman that she aspires to be the world’s best daughter, partner, mother, sister, co-worker, and community-leader? 

I’ve encountered woman who spend every opportunity they can outside of the home doing good for others.  While there’s nothing “wrong” with that, they turn around one day and their own children are grown and gone.  They missed the best part of “their all”.  For what?  Because other women expected it of them?

Let’s stop pressuring; let’s stop competing.  Let’s celebrate the strengths we each have and share them with others whose strengths are different.  Let’s balance our lives, our friendships, our purposes – and most importantly our “reasons”.

I have two wonderful sisters.  No one could doubt we are from the same gene pool.  We sound similar.  We have each been called by the others’ names.  Yet, each of us has very distinct personality traits – what could tease- each other about, otherwise!

Here’s the point:  we each have a ‘go to’ trait that is recognized by those who know us.  It is only in the combination of the three of us that we have our greatest balance; that we can, collectively get the job done, even enjoy the contribution we each make to the outcome.

Conclusion:  I suppose I would say every woman does, or can, have it all – as long as we have other woman to go to, to lean on, to collaborate with;  women who honor us for our strengths and accept us for our deficiencies. 

In coming together, we create stability, results, joy.  We permit each other to not feel bad ‘just because’.  I think this is the kindest thing we can do for each other; we each deserve it.

So, IS it just me, or are you OK with being the best you can be and not worrying if someone else comes out on top once in a while?

Now go call a “sister”

Tell her just how fabulous she is –

just the way she is!

“It” Begins at Home

Is it just ME, or do you, too, love a feel-good, “good-for-you” story?

I’m smiling ear-to-ear right now having just heard the story about Cindy and Mark Hill, Deer Born, Missouri, USA.

The Hills were the lucky winners of a recent lottery and shared the record-breaking jackpot of 588 million dollars!  Congrats!

Would I be wrong to assume that you, like me, have imagined winning a lottery and planning what you would do with the winnings?  (You have, right; it’s not just me on that one!)  Well, whether the Hills ever pre-planned how they’d spend their winnings, they are certainly busy spending – make that SHARING – it now.

They have already bought land to build a new water waste and septic system for Camden Point, MIssouri, USA,  Mark Hill’s hometown and where he still has family.  They are rebuilding the town fire station and moving it to the current baseball field, which, in turn, they will rebuild on a new parcel, a safer parcel, further from the road.  The local high school is also the beneficiary of their generosity.

OK!  It’s likely most of us are not going to win the lottery and share 588 million dollars (but we should never give up the hope!) and we may not be able to grant such lofty gifts upon our hometown, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do something.

SO, DO SOMETHING!

 

A kind word, a donation to the local food pantry, taking time to listen to someone, volunteering for a good cause …..these are just as small handful of things that just about all of us can do.  The really great thing is we often get back so much more than we give.  Talk about ROI!  Who wouldn’t bank on that kind of return on investment?

When asked about the family’s good fortune, Cindy Hill replied that for some reason God put this in their hands and they knew they were meant to do something for others with it. 

From all reports, the Hills have always been community minded givers.   IT DOESN’T TAKE MILLIONS!   If you wait for such a landfall, you will have missed so many opportunities along the way; we are all too smart to do that!

From the pictures, it seems the Hills have also been blessed with a large family. Is there any better form of parenting than leading by example; I think not.  Their children are learning incredibly valuable life-lessons from this opportunity; my hope is that they learn it well and as they move forward, they remember to pay it back.  A great lesson that is never too late to learn.

So, IS it just me, or are you, too, so happy that such great fortune landed on the doorstep of a family who knows what to do with it?  Congrats to the folks of Camden Point and Deer Born – you won the lottery, too.

                                                              You won the Hill family.

 

Here’s a gift we can all give to another…

Just have a good thought for them!

(I’m having one for you!)

Don’t Miss the Opportunity!

Is it just ME, or are you, too, so proud of what women with military experience are doing these days?  I know you are!

I want to introduce you to one such woman, Holly Landau…

Holly is a former US Army Officer, who earned a BA in Sociology, and is a graduate of the Executive Leadership Program at Cornell University. She actively speaks, writes, and facilitates workshops on the many aspects of leadership. She has over 60,000 follows on Twitter who look to her for tips and advice about leadership: @LeadershipMuse.

Holly Landau has been quoted in the Wall Street Journal and the Harvard Business Review.  She is the featured Leadership Expert in the American Express Open Book on Leadership. Landau is the CEO of Landau Leadership, an innovative consulting firm that designs customized training & employee development solutions, hosts unique experiential learning events, and offers online leadership courses and assessments to boost individual/team productivity, strengthen work relationships, and help organizations reach peak performance.

In alliance with TheIWLA, I have had the opportunity to speak with Holly on a number of occasions and personally experience her style, her passion, and her capacity to lead and to teach.

I’d like to share the following Q&A…

Q: Let’s start with this question, what is leadership?
A: Leadership is the ability to influence and motivate people toward a common goal. Leaders inspire people to believe in possibilities and take action. When we think about great leaders, certain characteristics and traits come to mind. Leaders are usually powerful communicators, they find and maintain followers, they have a strong belief in their cause or project, they think strategically and creatively, they change course when necessary, they encourage leadership abilities in others, and they create change.

Q:  How did you decide to focus your career on leadership?
A: I began my career as a US Army Officer right after I finished college (where I studied sociology).  The Army taught me leadership in a classroom and gave me many hands-on opportunities to test my knowledge.  Following the Army, I was a Retail Executive where I led a team of thirty people.  In was in this role that I got to hire, train, and retain a big team and I loved every minute of it, even the challenges. I also spent a few years in Corporate America as a Leadership Development Expert where I traveled around the US, Canada, and Europe training, coaching, and motivating corporate leaders.  I left that role to launch my own firm in 2008.  I’m so pleased to say that some of our clients include American Express, Worley Parsons, Mellon Bank, and Quadrant Engineering.  I really enjoy helping people identify and build on their strengths to reach their potential as leaders.  Years ago, I never knew that this would be the focus of my career, but I seemed to have found a niche and there will always be a need for what I do.

Q: Are people born leaders or can they learn to become leaders? 
A: I get this question often. We know that everyone who wants to effect change has certain strengths. The key for all leaders, emerging or seasoned, is to work to your strengths. Leadership skills can be learned and practiced to get better results. Everyone has the ability to improve their leadership skill set in the areas of inter-personal communication, strategic thinking, team building, and motivating others, to name a few. Great leaders are committed to learning and development for themselves and the people around them.

Q: What’s the difference between management and leadership?
A: You manage things like your budget, your time, or your database. You lead people. As a leader, you set direction, align people, and see the big picture, so you can create strategies that get short and long term results. Sure, we all need to master the day-to-day management tasks to be successful, but to adeptly influence and motivate others, we need to work to our strengths and acknowledge our blind spots - and continually polish the leadership skills that will lead us to success.

Q: Do all leaders need to build their leadership skills and where should they start?
A:  I think all leaders need to focus on developing their leadership skills, whether they are just starting out in a leadership role or they are a seasoned leader - there is always more to learn, I believe.  I use a competency-based approach when I work with individuals, teams, or entire organizations.  Competencies are like the buckets that hold all the specific skills within them.  For example, there’s a Communicating as a Leader competency and within it there are several skills to build like presentation skills, sharing information during meetings, and giving developmental feedback, to name a few.  I think the best place to start building your skills is to take a leadership assessment to better understand your strengths.  My favorite assessment is called DiSC.  It’s a quick way to identify your strengths and better understand the impact you have on others.  I’m excited to share that a DiSC assessment will be included in the upcoming TheIWLA online leadership training events taking place the first quarter of 2013. This way you can take an assessment and then have a Leadership Expert help you interpret your results.

Thank you, Holly…you truly are a leader.

So, IS it just me, or do you also feel that Holly has much to share? Please join Holly on Thursday, January 24, 2013 for a FREE training session, which she has so generously offered to provide for the women of
TheIWLA.

To participate, please register here:  http://www.eventbrite.com/event/5068784872/efblike
                                                           
Also, visit Holly’s website: www.landauleadership.com.
Learn more about Holly on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/hollylandau

“Behind” Every Successful Man…not always!

Is It Just ME, or do you, too, recall the expression, ‘behind every successful man is a woman’?

I guess it was the era of television shows such as The Donna Reed Show, Ozzie and Harriet, Father Knows Best…; “the little woman” was portrayed as the perfectly-coiffed, stay-at-home mom who vacuumed in a starched dressed cinched at her 21 inch waist wearing high-heels.  (OK, I get the high-heel part!)

She had dinner waiting for her husband at 5:00, he ate in his business suit (though Donna Reed’s husband was a doctor with a home office!), she did the dishes and they retired to the living room to read the evening newspaper!

In the same era, however, another woman took a different approach and we honor her today as we are about to celebrate the National Holiday, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day,  she fought so hard to have recognized: Coretta Scott King.

Author, activist, civil rights leaders; wife to Martin Luther King, Jr., Coretta was the daughter of another strong woman, Bernice McMurray Scott.  With no formal education of her own, Bernice pledged, “My children are going to college even if it means I only have one dress to put on”.  Uneducated, perhaps; but enlightened!

“Pioneering is never easy”, spoke Mrs. King – who, BTW, had the words “to obey” stricken from her wedding vows!  IT WAS 1953!!!  “Not easy” and “impossible” are not the same.  She made things possible; she just made it look easy. 

Often portrayed as the supporting wife of he who was at the forefront of the Civil Rights Movement in the United States, Coretta stood at her husband’s side but was often moving ahead of him.  She played just as big a role in the movement as he - and she never stopped moving.

There’s the point: she never stopped moving.

Having achieved success, and I dare say fulfillment, in her role as a civil rights activist, Coretta kept moving with the times; changing with the needs of society in any given era.  She accepted as her responsibility that which she believed she could do.  That’s leadership at its best; not always easy, not always making you the best liked in the moment, but doing what needs to get done to make things right, possible, and fair for others. LEADERSHIP AT IT’S BEST.

“I felt blessed to have been called to be a part of such a noble and historic cause”, she said.  We were blessed that she dedicated her life not only to civil rights but to women’s issues, LGBT rights, and the notion that peace is possible.

January 14, 2006 marked Coretta Scott Kings last public appearance, though it is certainly not the last of the remarkable work she was not only part of but chose to lead.  She died just two weeks later on January 30, 2006.

So, IS it just me, or have you, too been blessed to have seen Mrs. King in action, to remember the changes she affected and to live with the fruits of her labor and passion.  

Coretta Scott King

April 27, 1927 – January 30, 2006

One, make that two, in a million!

Is it just ME, or do you, too, recall the name “Dear Abby” for as long as you can remember?

I can vividly recall my Grandmother eagerly awaiting the arrival of the daily paper as it was tossed upon the bottom of the driveway.  I can still actually hear the unique sound it made; THUD!

A quick glance at the front AND back pages…then it was off to the “Dear Abby” column.  It was a ritual.

Pauline Phillips, A/K/A “Dear Abby” was laid to rest this week.  After a long battle with Alzheimer’s disease, this icon of a contributing editor died at the age of 94.

Long before it was fashionable – perhaps even acceptable, Abby and her twin sister, Anne Landers , who died in 2002,  stepped out of their kitchens and onto the kitchen tables of millions of devoted readers in the United States and ultimately around the world.  They were pioneers; it was the 1950s.

While they both had their personal slant and style, they were each successful, admired, and followed.  It is said they paved the way for the likes of Oprah, Dr. Phil, news-women in all capacities, and the list goes on and on…. you go girls!

Hearing of Dear Abby’s passing has given me cause to stop and think.  Here’s what I think… it wasn’t just their dueling columns (there were years of estrangement between the twin sisters – sad!) that made the two women successful.  It was two women who dared to lead.  They took a chance; now they have taken their places in history.

I never read a column that either one wrote! I am, however, grateful that they set the stage for generations of women to come and let us know it is OK to dare, to risk, to hold your breath and jump.  It’s OK! 

Outcomes can never be guaranteed but history was never made sitting down and just thinking about it.  Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s a step toward it.  Failure after failure means you have continued to try – that’s success in and of itself!

I love hearing stories - old and new – that remind me of what others have done before that make it possible to dare to believe that our dreams stand a chance  - but only when we wake up from the dream, stand up and take that first step.  If that leads you to your first failure - you’re getting closer!

Two young girls from Siuox City, Iowa (United States) didn’t just change their lives, they changed ours, too – even if you never wrote-in a question or took their advice.  They networked their way to success before “networking” was ever used in the context we understand it to mean today.

There were no computers, no e-mailing, and no “instant” anything.   They had a dream, a goal, great mentorship from their parents, willingness to try, great work ethic, and passion to put it all together.  IT WORKED – BECAUSE THEY WORKED IT!  

So, IS it just me, or do feel a bit of gratitude to two grand dames who blew the whistle that helped many of us start to run our own race?

If I were going to write-in a question or comment to

Dear Abby or Ann Landers, it would be short and sweet:

      Dear Ann Landers,                                      Dear Abby,

                How did you do it?                                      Thanks for doing it!

     In appreciation,                                           With gratitude,

                                               Beth                                                               Beth

*****************************************************************

'Dear Abby' Pauline Phillips Dead: Advice Columnist Dies At 94

AP  |  By By STEVE KARNOWSKIPosted: 01/17/2013 1:41 pm EST  |  Updated: 01/17/2013 6:42 pm EST

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — Pauline Friedman Phillips, who as Dear Abby dispensed snappy, sometimes saucy advice on love, marriage and meddling mothers-in-law to millions of newspaper readers around the world and opened the way for the likes of Dr. Ruth, Dr. Phil and Oprah, has died. She was 94.

Phillips died Wednesday in Minneapolis after a long battle with Alzheimer's disease, said Gene Willis, a publicist for the Universal Uclick syndicate.

"My mother leaves very big high heels to fill with a legacy of compassion, commitment and positive social change," her daughter, Jeanne Phillips, who now writes the column, said in a statement.

Private funeral services were held Thursday, Willis said.

The long-running "Dear Abby" column first appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle in 1956. Mother and daughter started sharing the byline in 2000, and Jeanne Phillips took over in 2002, when the family announced Pauline Phillips had Alzheimer's disease.

Pauline Phillips wrote under the name Abigail Van Buren. Her column competed for decades with the advice of Ann Landers, written by her twin sister, Esther Friedman Lederer, who died in 2002. Their relationship was stormy in their early adult years, but they later regained the closeness they had growing up in Sioux City, Iowa.

The two columns differed in style. Ann Landers responded to questioners with homey, detailed advice. Abby's replies were often flippant and occasionally risqué one-liners, like some of those collected for her 1981 book "The Best of Dear Abby."