Do-Over!

Is it just ME, or are you, too, excited about a new year?

Truth be told, I am happy to see 2012 end – and “12” was always my favorite number!

Don’t get me wrong; 2012 (must have) had (some) great moments and we do need to dig-deep and recall them.  Then celebrate them again in our minds, file them, move on, do better, or do over.

The too many and too cruel realities of 2012 are sadly easier to recall. Mother Nature, herself, wreaked havoc around the globe from floods in Australia, China, and Nepal, the earthquake in the Philippines, Superstorm Sandy in the U.S.  

Man’s inhumanity to man broke too many stories around the world including genocide, murder, bombings, and the senseless shootings of 20 students in Mubi, Nigeria as well as 20 children in Newtown, Connecticut, United States – with just 9 days to go until Christmas.  Still too tragic to wrap our heads and hearts around.

BUT, since the Mayan prediction about the end of the world did not occur on December 21, 2012, we get another chance to do a better job, to live more peacefully, to encourage and support one another.   We came together as a world community for 2 magnificent weeks in August for the 30^th Olympiad (there ‘ya go, a good 2012 memory!).  Can’t we transfer the same spirit beyond the fields of athletic competition?  Sure we can!

SO, as we close the book on one year, we open a new one; one yet to be written, to be lived.  How we do that is up to each of us; that alone is something to celebrate!  (“Choices”: 12/12/12) 

As a young student athlete, we had an expression: “Do-Over” when we didn’t like the outcome and needed to do it again to produce a better one!  Oh, that it could be that easy!

 

I think of that expression every year at this time as we face the challenge and the opportunity to “do-over” each day of a new year.  We typically approach is as resolutions.  Does that mean to “re-solve”, as in solve it again?  But if we already “solved” it………..

Resolutions often include exercising more, losing weight and relaxing on the weekend.  In this context, a resolution is a promise you make to yourself.   That’s fine, but by definition it is about doing for oneself.

Well, as I head toward a big birthday, I’ve made a big decision.  My resolution is about changing things that will have a direct influence on the lives of others – not just me!  Pretty grown up, don’t you think?

Do-overs are great but they are never guaranteed.  I’ve decided to do it right this year (or at least exhaust myself trying). I have been very inspired by the poem that follows (BTW: the same author in my previous Blog, “Mad Dash to the Finish Line” (12/21/12)  

I hope it inspires you, too; I believe there is a bit of each of us on at least one line of this poem.

Time of Your Life Do you reflect upon the years gone by as you prepare for yet one more, with promises and resolutions that you have made before? Do memories of people and places once as sharp as any knife now blend in bits and pieces in a kaleidoscope of life? Do you squander precious minutes seeking reasons why you're here,  contemplating your life's purpose year after passing year? Persuade yourself to understand, it matters not the reason. Your purpose is to seize the life in every passing season! Learn to see things differently. Let your thoughts and actions change. Allow your views of past and present to slowly rearrange. Let your spirit start anew; become focused and aware of the moments and the blessings that surround you everywhere! Do not permit past memories: the where…the who…the how to become more important than the ones you’re making now. Live life in person; inhabit every day. You may not like where you are now, but you’re there anyway! A lifetime is a puzzle, every failure, each success adds another jagged piece to fit together with the rest. To finish the picture and view the masterpiece whole, fill the time of your life with your heart and your soul. Acquaint yourself with your feelings and heighten your senses. Experience living. Put down your defenses. You don't have to know why you are you, and I’m me. Believe it is what it is and it’s how it should be. You did not choose your date of birth, nor do you know your last, so live this gift that is your present, before it becomes your past. Linda Ellis, copyright 2011

So, IS it just me, or are you, too, feeling inspired, moved to action? 

Let’s go girls: if we don’t do it, who will?

Let’s resolve to make the number “13” a lucky one, a blessed one, a promising one, a fulfilling one.

To you and yours, I wish you the best that life can offer,

opportunity around every corner,

 health, and great friends with whom to share it all.

Happy New Year!

Beth

MAD DASH TO THE FINISH LINE

Is it just ME, or do you ever ponder how you will be remembered?  Come on, now, I think we all do.
 

I read a poem years ago.  I loved it then.  I read it again just last week.  I think I love it even more.  (See what more distance in the rearview mirror does to a girl?)

I love it because it is so simple.  I love it because it provokes such thought.  Read it, won’t you?  I’ll see you at “the end”…Oh, my…at the end of the poem, I mean.  OR, perhaps at THE end, as well (which obviously didn’t come today as the Mayan calendar predicted – that means we all have  chance to do a better job!)

The Dash

by Linda Ellis, copyright 1996

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone, from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash… would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR dash?

Hi, Beth, again…

WOW!  Did you love it, too?  Aren’t the words golden?

I’ve been blessed to know great women – great men, of course, as well.  I think of them often.  My Mom, for instance.  My Grandmothers.  Did they do great things?  Yes!  No!  Whatever!

They did things with great love.  The dashes that mark their graves are the lines between heaven and earth.  That would be enough for most women; it would be enough for me.  

Women want to be remembered for being a great mom, for being honest, fair, for having made a difference for others.  Are there any more noble legacies than these?  These are simple words. But, they are lofty accomplishments.  There are what lead women through their long days and short nights.

Make no mistake.  These words are spoken by presidents of companies, accomplished professionals, leaders in government, communities and not-for-profits.  They have paid it forward and they want to continue to pay it back.  In so doing, they WILL be remembered as great moms, for being honest, fair and for having made a difference in the world.

SO, IS it just me?  As you are “dashing” around today, give it some thought, won’t you?  Share your thoughts; they just might make a difference in the life of someone else.  That’s what it’s all about, right?

So, how do you want to be remembered?

 Please share…..Please comment.

I will not be posting any new Blogs until Wed, Jan 2, 2013.

On behalf of everyone at TheIWLA,

I wish you and  yours the very best of the holiday season

and may everything you are hoping for in 2013

be the least that you receive.

~Beth

IT CAN’T HAVE BEEN IN VAIN

Is it just me, or are you, too, desperately trying to find the message, the lesson in the Newtown shooting?

We all are; we all must.

In the few days since news broke of this tragedy, emotions have swelled, grief has been shared and disbelief expressed.

What next?

I have shared many thoughts and feelings with those I personally come in contact with regularly and whose perspectives and opinions I value.  But no-one has found the answer.

I have spoken to some who said they did not watch.  They didn’t want to hear the names or see the faces.  I  understand.

For my husband and me, we were glued.  We felt a type of responsibility to share the grief of this Rockwell-like community. We wanted to support them.  No-one’s right, no-one’s wrong.

SO, WHAT IS WRONG?

There seems to be two emerging schools of thought:  gun control and treatment of mental illness.

To those points, we are all right.

Mental illness has always brought with it a social stigma.  We have to have learned by now that ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.

I think it’s about lack; lack of understanding, lack of services, lack of the perfection we crave in every aspect of life, lack of our willingness to say that if one among us is broken, we are all broken, and that we are all in this – together.   It is as elementary as the theory of ‘only being as strong as the weakest link’.

We can’t cry hard enough for the families of the victims of Newtown.  To this specific moment of harsh reality in our history there truly are no words, but, perhaps that is the beginning.

WORDS!

There is nothing more powerful – and today more necessary – than to begin a dialogue, to begin to accept that the human condition brings with it moments of inhumanity – even to our precious children – and that not talking about it – or doing something about it means we are just waiting for it to happen again…and it will.  If it could happen to those amazing women and bright, beautiful children of Newtown, it could happen anywhere.

When Hilary Clinton’s book, “It Takes a Village” came out, I was not a fan of her theory. I believed that every child should find the values, the lessons, and love that life would require beneath his or her own roof.  I was one of those lucky ones.

I have always believed that children are loaned to us by God, they do not belong to us personally and that we are each   responsible to and for every child.  I guess Hilary was right.

Newtown, as Columbine, Aurora, and Virginia Tech will always be remembered on their anniversaries.  Memorials will endure the seasons.  Candles will glow.  Somehow, each of us will remember the name of at least one victim. But that is not enough.

If you know a parent who is, or you suspect, is struggling with a child the textbooks define as ‘not capable of properly dealing with the ordinary demands of life’, love that person enough to let her/him know they are not alone; they are not to blame. 

That may be the most courageous and generous thing any of us could ever do.  It is raw. It doesn’t get more personal. It is a risk worth taking and with greater hope of a better outcome than those who risked their own lives as they threw themselves into the path of a barrage of bullets to shield the students of Sandy Hook Elementary School. 

You will be every bit as great a hero.

So, IS it just me, or are you, too, willing to believe that every child in this world is worth protecting- especially at the cost of our own feelings - because every child is our hope for a better tomorrow?

The dialogue can begin here and now; please share your thoughts and feelings… 

Loss of Innocence

Celine Dion ~ Fly

"Please Listen"

There Are Victims; Then There Are Victims

Is it just ME, or are you, too, overwhelmed by the too frequent news stories about senseless victimization of innocent people?

Silly question; of course you are!  We all are.

This week’s news brought us another “no apparent motive” slaying of innocent holiday shoppers in an unsuspecting mall.

Clad in hockey mask and bullet-proof vest (God forbid the shooter would allow himself to become a victim!) a young male ran through a mall taking the lives of two innocent victims and wounding others.

 

Then, he took his own life (at least two bullets too late, in my opinion - and I feel awful even feeling that way). I still cannot grasp the concept of killing innocent people, then killing yourself. If that were the plan, why the bullet-proof vest?  Control?

Experts tell us it’s about the “legacy” the shooter creates for him/herself in creating front page news as opposed to being another entry on the obit page. 

I won’t mention the name of the shooter; I won’t give him that.

Author and Speaker, Sonia Ricotti, expressed it this way:

"Anytime you blame others and complain about your situation, you are choosing to be a victim. By playing the victim role you are putting yourself in an ineffective and weak position. It is virtually impossible to allow incredible miracles to enter your life when you choose to remain in this negative mental state."

So, perhaps this shooter was, indeed, his own victim; the most tragic one of all.  Has it become impossible for a 22-year old to hold-out hope for the future – his own?

I get that it can be hard to stay positive these days.  We’re free-falling over financial cliffs, recovering from earthquakes that haven’t given us enough time to heal from last year’s.  We are trying to hold onto the dreams of generations past who succeeded in making the world a better place – at least for a time. 

So, are we all victims?  Victims of time, circumstances, government, Mother Nature?  I think there are compelling arguments in all of these directions; but I’d argue against every one.

By one definition, being a victim is what happens to you over which you have no control.  Ahh, control.

By another definition, being a victim is a state of mind.  Does that absolve us from the responsibility to stay in control of ourselves, to be accountable, and to work to rise above.

I have never thought of myself as a victim.  Have I suffered involuntary consequences due to the act of others? MY OWN? Yes; I imagine we all have.  But I won’t accept being a victim.  This may sound crazy, but I would rather be a slain victim of a random madman than a lifelong victim of myself.  I believe the latter is exponentially more tragic.  Self-inflicted wounds are the hardest to heal.

As more information comes out about the Mall Shooter, perhaps we will sympathize; even empathize.  But please, let’s refuse to accept that, collectively, we are not better than this.  We can be.  We need to be.

So IS it just me, (please tell me it’s not) or do you, too, hold out more hope for the world than senseless – selfish – acts of violence that diminish all of us.  

Let’s decide, individually and collectively, to focus on the positive – especially at this time of the year – and reassure ourselves that even a single act of kindness can impact as many lives – maybe more – than a single act of violence.

As for the others, well … pray!

REALLY? REALLY!

Is it just me, or are you, too, confused and angry about the DJ phone-prank to Kate Middleton’s hospital.  Really confused!

I love a royal wedding as much as anyone!  I watched.  I get that we are overly curious about the goings-on of the royals.  For me, though, it’s not all positive.

My infatuation with Princes William and Harry is, I have to admit, an extension of my respect for Princess Diana.  How proud she’d be of her boys – and can you even think of Diana as a Grandmother?  What a beautiful image comes to mind.

So, let’s get into this, shall we?

Notions of accountability, good judgment, thinking something through, sensitivity, and good old common sense come to mind.  I get that 2 young radio DJs from Australia never imagined they could pull something as – can’t think of the right word – (stupid, “impossible”, daring…) as this off.  I know there was no malice behind it – at least I hope not – but were there also no brains??

To what length is any one today NOT willing to go- and at what cost to another to have their 15 minutes of fame?  Well, Mal, I mean Mel, and Mr. Christian (perhaps, not so much), congrats – the whole world knows your names!  You’ve made it to the worldwide stage.

I read that after successfully pulling this prank off, there was time to decide whether to air the conversation, or not.   Oh, to have those moments back again!  I also read it was “trumpeted” several times.

We live in a world of retractions.  Put it all out there.  If you get caught, offer a few mea culpas and it’s all supposed to go away.

 

ATTENTION PEOPLE OF THE WORLD – why do you think YOU are going to be the one to get away with “it”.  The indiscretions of politicians, celebrities, and the everyman are growing boring.  Men sending photos of their (keep it) private parts  over the internet, having affairs – and children, as a result (Sorry, Arnold, this time, I don’t think you’ll be back – AND the book bombed!) are soon to be included in sports stories as opposed to headline news.  ENOUGH!

Back to the royal situation.  Indeed, it is a “royal” situation.  Here’s what I wonder:

Kate was less than 12 weeks into her pregnancy at the time of her hospitalization; no one even knew she was expecting; strange way to make such an awaited announcement…

Is it not possible for the royals to provide this degree of medical care at home?  Many, even seriously ill, patients have fluid therapies administered at home.  (AND, they announced she is back in the hospital.  HELLOOOOOO!

Did King Edward VII hospital have no protocol in place for such a royal patient?  Were “they” the only ones not aware aware of their special guest?

 

Are there more than 2 people in the world who think the Queen makes her own calls on such matters? (I guess after she jumped out of a helicopter to open the Olympics, anything might be possible!)

Horrible accents aside, this was nothing short of a royal indiscretion of a radio station and two on-air personalities.  Just so tragic. 

I understand the thought of a death resulting from a really bad imitation of the Queen never entered the mind of Mel Grieg and Michael Christian, but therein lies the lesson.   While we can all appreciate a good joke or a funny story, it is rarely funny when it is at the expense of another human being.  For Jacintha Saldanha, who knows if this weren’t her last straw, another moment of a sort of bullying that she just couldn’t bear another moment of.

Jacintha was a nurse.  A professional dedicated to the care of others. Yet, was there no one there to care for her?

I hate stories like this…no one wins; everyone loses.

The tearful apologies of the now off-the-air personalities seemed genuine enough.  But, if there weren’t a death at the end of it all; what then?  Does it take an ending such as this to call to task the  responsibility of those paid to sit in front of open mics? (Wow, that opens another whole can of worms.) Or, does it always come back to the “it was wrong – because I got caught”?

I am no less confused now than at the start of this communiqué.  I struggle to find peace with such a set of circumstances.  I am appalled at the on-air comments of Mike Hogan, Executive Director of Arts and Entertainment at Huffington Post who declared that, and I quote,  “…every British person I know living in the United Sates considers the royals the most ridiculous creatures who ever walked the earth”.  Mr Hogan!  Are you not aware that to this day, 16 nations still hold the British Monarchy as their head of state?  CREATURES?

There is an unborn child in the mix of this story as well as now motherless children.  That’s where the worlds of the royals, the family of a dedicated nurse, and members of the media collided and why none of them can ever be the same again.    

We need to care for one another, not seek to gain at the expense of another.  We need to protect our own privacy as we choose; not declare it and expect others to grant it.  We need to keep a thoughtful eye and ear on those around us and be there when they need us to be. 

Bring a gorgeous, healthy baby into this world, Kate; a future king or queen, and be well throughout this special time in your life.

Find peace in happy memories of your mother, Jacintha, and may she find the peace she seemed denied of in this world.

And to Mel Greig and Michael Christian…in your “time-out” from your celebrity gig, may I suggest doing some volunteer work in a hospital. If you are yet unaware that the world doesn’t spin without the watchful care of nurses, 24/7, you stand to be amazed – you should be; you will be!  Their shifts are difficult enough and there is nothing funny about it – or you!

So, IS it just me, or does this whole story stun and numb you, too?  If this were the plot on a show or in a movie, I think it would seem far-fetched.  Sadly it is real.  Life is real; life is earnest.  What we do, good or bad, affects others.  It’s all about good judgment.  Use it.!

What are your thoughts on this tragic story?  Please comment.

      Since sharing these thoughts, 2Day FM, the radio station behind this disastrous display of journalism/entertainment has announced that advertising revenues of up to $500,000 will be sent to the family of the late Jacintha Saldanah.

Do you feel this sort of contrition is enough?

     It has also been stated that according to The New South Wales State Surveillance Devices Act, criminal charges may be forthcoming. (The law requires the permission of all parties on a recorded call prior to the conversation being made public.)

Do you feel the prank was a criminal act?

  

     Despite the clarity of the law (see, above), the Chief Executive of 2Day FM has been quoted saying nothing was illegal?

Is he just stupid, or what?

Nanny Was Right

Is it just ME, or do you, too, sometimes feel a bit melancholy around holiday time?

As a kid, I remember Nanny Johnston looking a little sad this time of year.  We were all excited in anticipation of the big day; how could anyone be sad?

As I grew older Nanny shared her perspective.  She said, for the young, the holiday season  (she never didn’t call it Christmas!) is all about looking forward; wondering, hoping, wishing.  She continued.  For older folk, it’s about remembering; looking back.

 

I suppose the rhythm of the holidays spawns a natural ebb and flow all its own.  What we don’t even realize we are thinking can begin to overwhelm us.  Subconscious, or not, those thoughts are still there, they are very real, and they are the most powerful thoughts of all.

The great Mentor, Napoleon Hill told us that the only thing we can control is our thoughts.  Easier said than done, sir?

While each turn of the calendar is its own blessing, I have come to believe that each blessing comes with a price tag of sorts.  I am by no mean maudlin by nature but I believe the balance sheet of life will always, somehow, balance out.

I have learned that the depth of pain and loss, the grief and emptiness we feel at certain times of the year can only exist as the result of love and joy shared with those we miss.  

TheIWLA added a story to the Resource Center (Inspiration) today (12/7/12), GRIEF AND GRATITUDE   That’s what got me thinking.  Please give it a quick read: Grief and Gratitude

May I offer this?  Regardless of what holiday you celebrate or how you celebrate it, remember to honor your feelings, your thoughts, your memories. You owe that to yourself and to those who fill those memories, good and bad, who have shared this journey with you and who have brought you to today.

There is amazing scene in the Godfather Trilogy where an older Michael reflects on a family gathering from years gone-by.  The scene shifts from the color of the current shot to a black and white scene around the dining table of the Corleone family.   In an almost shadowed picture, we hear the voice of the late Sonny, we hear laughter.  It is obviously a moment Michael feels worthy of remembering; yet he is sad.

I have scenes like that in my mind – they are good ones.  I picture my Grandmothers and the excitement – I now understand – they may have feigned for our benefit. I picture my Dad – the biggest kid in the family -  on his stomach under the tree fixing the trains.   I remember Mom trying to finish putting together our Christmas outfits – then worrying about what she would wear.  Yes, these memories can be tough but I wouldn’t trade all the tears in the world for them to go away.

So, IS it just me , Nanny Johnston, and Sandra Abell, author of the story referenced, above, who have been lucky enough to have reason to feel a bit blue at the holidays. ?  I hope not.

  Dear Nanny,

      Wishing you all the joy, love, peace, and happiness you gave us and for teaching us the true meaning of Christmas.

                                                                                           For ever and ever,    .                                                                          

                                                                                                   Love,  Bethy 

Please, share a Christmas memory…

Yes, I Believe

Is it just ME, or do you, too, get caught up in the lyrics of Josh Groban’s BELIEVE; not to mention the vocal perfection of the rendition!

If you are not familiar with what will, undoubtedly, become a Christmas classic, allow me to share some of the words; my gift to you….(even if you don’t know the melody, just read the words…)

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside 
And give your dreams the wings to fly
you’ll have everything you need
If you just believe.

JUST BELIEVE!  Can it really be as simple as those two words make it sound?  I dare to guess this declarative may pose a problem to some.  And I get that; I understand that.

Life throws many challenges in the paths of women these days, at home, at work, and in the community.  While any given moment may seem an uphill struggle, at the end of the day, there should be peace in our hearts, a smile of satisfaction on our lips, maybe some aching bones, and – if we’re lucky – a few brain cells left to multiply and get us ready for the next day, and the next, and the next.

So, after a grueling day, what is it that gives you the strength and the courage the next morn to throw back the covers, plant your feet on the floor and start all over again?

I know, I know.  I can hear some saying, “Do I really have a choice”?

Yes, you do have a choice; we all have a choice.  Please BELIEVE the choice is always yours. Please BELIEVE you have everything you need within you to make the right choice – most of the time. As the song says, “Believe in what your heart is saying”.

For me, it goes something like this:  if I am happy (enough) with the outcome of yesterday, I choose to do my best to duplicate or improve upon it today; I BELIEVE that makes sense.  If yesterday weren’t a day I’d like to repeat, I choose to make (at least attempt) the necessary changes.  I BELIEVE that makes sense.  Not all that complicated!

 I re-learn (and experience) every day that if I don’t choose, I give another the power to choose for me.  If that works for you, great.  If allowing someone else to make choices for you isn’t comfortable, then “…BELIEVE what you feel inside…” and choose for yourself.  Choose to find the right balance day-by-day based on what’s most important.  (i.e.  I’m OK if someone else chooses what we tune-into on TV at 11pm – I probably won’t make it past the first set of commercials, anyway – and that’s a choice I surrender to a higher power.  On that one, BELIEVE me, I don’t always get to choose.)

BELIEVE that every one of your choices was based on what you were feeling was right at that time.

BELIEVE that choices made that didn’t turn out as you had hoped don’t define you.

BELIEVE that every new day empowers you and you are empowered to make a difference for others.

BELIEVE that while the rear-view mirror gives you clarity, it is only in looking forward that you have a 

chance to make new choices, different choices, better choices.  IF YOU BELIEVE.

So, IS it just me, or do you get what 8 magical lines from a song that – if I could choose -  would be sung every month of the year - mean in the life of a woman who chooses to BELIEVE she has everything within her to achieve the life she dreams of having and the life that she deserves?     

All together, now…

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that's playing
There's no time to waste
There's so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside 
And give your dreams the wings to fly
you’ll have everything you need
If you just believe

Another angel just got her wings; congratulations

(it’s you!)

Conscious Acts of Kindness

Is it just ME, or do you, too, love reading about and watching YouTube videos of “random acts of kindness”?

While I understand the meaning of the phrase, it still intrigues me.  Here are a few definitions of the word “random” – selected just that way!

RANDOM; def:  In no particular order

                            Spontaneous

                            Lacking any definite plan or order in purpose

                            Occurring without definite aim

                            Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective

Interesting!

Last week’s news brought us two magical examples of such acts. In no particular order, ergo, random: a photo of a young New York City police officer showed him kneeling beside who he believed to be a homeless man.  The man was also shoeless and sockless.  The 23-year old member of the department known as New York’s Finest was giving this man shoes and socks.  The officer noticed the calluses on the soles of the man’s feet and the gentleness of the officer’s soul saw no alternative action to take.  The picture was taken by a tourist passing-by – how random.  The officer did not know the picture was taken.

Next, we learned of the Secret Santa from Missouri who came to the New York Metro area – not a random act -  hoping to spread some holiday goodwill among those still devastated by Superstorm Sandy (October 29, 2012).

Secret Santa strolled around neighborhoods, visited Salvation Army Centers, and handed out crisp $100 bills to deserving recipients.  Their reactions were priceless; so grateful.  Never was Secret Santa’s identity revealed except to tell us he had made a promise to a former Secret Santa that every year he would gift $100,000 in $100 bills, just because…

So, there you have it.  Two beautiful examples of the spirit of humanity we hear too little of.  I suppose bad news sells better!

As I still sat smiling at the photo of Officer Lawrence DePrimo (definitely  “Primo”) and wiped a tear after the Secret Santa story, I was left wondering….

Do we no longer have a purpose in giving? Do we actually need a purpose to give?  Do we no longer take advantage of a spontaneous moment to give of ourselves?  Must every act and deed be calculated, timed, and mathematically aimed?

Oh, I pray that is not so and in my heart I believe many, many of us are ready, willing and ready to offer an act of kindness, a helping hand, even just a smile.  There need not be a cost and there need not be a photo-op attached at the other end.

In my older brothers bedroom, hung a small wooden plaque.  It read, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  I saw it most every day.  It took years of reflection – and a bit of maturing – to really understand it.  Today I do; I really do.

I wish I said “thank-you” to every soldier I’ve seen in airports, gas stations, parades.  I wanted to; but I didn’t cease the moment.  I wondered if that was what they wanted me to do.  I argued that I didn’t want to invade their privacy.  I over-thought it.  I gave up the chance.  I put my feeling ahead of theirs. 

I know that Officer DePrimo and Secret Santa are two of among many who don’t think twice about randomly taking the risk of being kind to another without worry of how they may be received.  That’s why I don’t think it’s random.  There will always be those who do because they know no other way; it’s who they are, it’s what they believe, it’s how they were raised – and that’s not random.

May I put something out there….don’t over-think kindness to others.  Doing so makes it more about you than the act, itself.  Dare to put your heart out there.  Be willing to “shock” another because you deem them worthy of your instinctive need to be kind.  It is contagious. It is a virus we should be willing to share and breed.

PLAN to be kind every day.  AIM high.  Know the PURPOSE; it’s simple.

It’s BECAUSE:  because you can, because someone else benefits, it’s because…………..wait…there really doesn’t have to be a big reason. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose.  Let someone pass ahead of you in a line,  hold the door for a senior citizen…oh, the hell with it… JUST SMILE.

Thinking about it doesn’t get it done; intending to means you haven’t.

So IS it just me?  Will you join me and commit to “random” acts of kindness.  It’s the best way to make you feel good about YOU.  I promise, others will follow your actions; there is no better way to lead than by example.

Tell me…have you witnessed a random act of kindness? Have you been the benefactor or beneficiary of one?  Sure you have…you’re a woman of leadership!

 

For all those in need of your kindness, “thanks”, in advance.  (I’m smiling!)

  

  

  

What are the Odds?

Is it just ME, or would you be disappointed to learn that among the 100 Most Influential People of All Time (TIME), there are only _______ women ?

Go ahead, take a guess… how many women do you think are listed among the 100 most influential people of all time?  Think of a number… we’ll see how you did in a few minutes.

I’ve always loved book stores – real book stores.  Not the ones you hold in your hands, the ones that hold you in the depth and breadth of their shelves, high ceilings, brightly colored covers, well-designed displays.  You know, an old fashioned book store with a peculiar, yet pleasing, a smell all its own.  Good times!

(It just reminded me of a cute movie with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.  She owns a tiny neighborhood book store and he is a mega-book store developer.  He’s about to put her out of business, they fall in love….  Cute moves:  “You’ve Got Mail”.  Great rainy Saturday, down-time movie… but I digress.)

So, true to my nature, I bought TIME’S special edition book, eager to break the spine and turn the pages for the first time.  Pictures first, of course.

I was curious… alphabetically; it spanned Abraham, of Old Testament fame, to the Wright Brothers.  On the timeline, it went from Abraham to Steve Jobs.  It included spiritual leaders, explorers, philosophers, inventors, world leaders, and yes, the Beatles.  Yeah, Yeah, Yeah – YEAH!

Though a big fan of both, I don’t often think of Jesus Christ and Mohammad Ali (formerly known as Cassius Clay) in the same sentence; probably not in the same conversation; both included.

I turned page after page.  Then, I went back to the table of contents.  I began to count. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!  That was it!  Just 10 women included.  10!  (How far off was your guess?)

These 10 awesome women include Joan of Arc (The name of the Church in which my parents were married and my two older brothers Baptized.  I can still close my eyes and see the huge mural of St. Joan in battle.  As a little girl, I thought the picture was of a boy.  Oh boy!)

Blessed Mother Teresa, Saint of the Gutters (do you recall that she died shortly after Princess Diana?)  About a year later, my then 5-year-old nephew, who always associated Princess Diana with Mother Teresa because of the timing of their deaths, referred to Mother Teresa as “The Other Princess”.  Don’t you love it – AND understand it?), Native American Sacagawea, Researcher, Madame Marie Curie, Queen Isabella I of Spain, Queen Elizabeth I of England,  American Suffrage Crusader Emmeline Pankhurst, Irish-American Freedom Fighter Margaret Sanger (she coined the phrase birth-control!), Chivalry Patron Eleanor of Aquitaine,  and she who is referred to as history’s first superstar: Cleopatra.

That’s it;  10!   Only 10% of those recognized as being among the 100 most influential people of ALL time are woman.

Let us not forget that behind every one of those 100 was a woman; a Mother. And let us never forget that the hand that has rocked the cradle has formed and steered the world, and so it goes.  NOW, THAT’S INFLUENCE!

And to you and to every woman: never forget what your role in life is.  None of us is likely to be included in TIME’S next edition of this book – anyway, it’s just their opinion.  Yet, it is what women of leadership do in supporting our spouses, our partners, our children, workplaces, and communities that give hope to the future of what will continue to influence all of mankind.

Being a woman in today’s world is not always easy.  It is, however, a role to be proud of, to be admired, to be respected.  

I wonder what words of wisdom Confucius would offer of today’s woman. (BTW, he made the top 100 as Moral Philosopher). 

Of women, The Dali Lama (didn’t make the cut) has said it is (western) women who will save the world (no pressure!).

And do you know why Jesus Christ performed his first public miracle at the Wedding Feast of Cana?  Because his Mother asked him!  (a good Jewish son!) 

So, IS it just me, or are you surprised that only 1 in 10 of the top 100 is a woman?  Oh, wait… can that mean it takes 10 men to equal a woman?  Just a mathematical calculation!!

P.S. and to you, my dear Mother…. thanks.  You definitely make the top 10 in my book!

Please comment and share the names and stories of some of the women who have changed the world - for you.  Thanks!     

ZIG; then ZAG

Is it just ME, or do you, too love reading clever, motivational sayings?

I love them!

 

It is sad, then, to think that one of the greats has written his last one.

World renowned and all-around master of positive thinking, Zig Ziglar died this week at the age of 86.

Author of 30 books and Mentor to the Mentors, Zig’s phrases and perspectives have been quoted and paraphrased for more than 40 years.  He sat beside US Presidents and former Prime Minister of England, Margaret Thatcher.

I can remember hearing his name for the first time.  I hadn’t a clue.  His name started to echo in my ear over the years and I grew to be a big fan.

What would Zig say about that?

Perhaps that nothing he said was about him; which is not to say that his words did not apply to him.  Rather, he lived to motivate others to achieve success – and boy, did he ever!!

Let’s share one, shall we?

You can have everything in life you want,

if you will just help other people get what they want.

Well, yes, of course…we all know that, right? 

Zig had a way of making things sound obvious; reasonable.  Therein lies the ability for all of us to gleen something from his words of wisdom.

 

THAT’S THE ZAG!

What I mean by that is to take the words of a Zig (often imitated; never duplicated!) and then apply them – as you see fit – to you and your personal circumstances.  It will always be an honest, albeit, sometimes uncomfortable fit.

In fact, take the words of anyone and extract what is most meaningful for yourself, your family, your community, your tribe.  It’s like reading horoscopes in the newspaper.  I think if you cover up what sign you are reading, each and every one of them will resonate with you. 

Let’s take another look…

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - 

that's why we recommend it daily.  

Another winner!

Please take a moment every day and find your motivation in some one, some thing, some place.  Then find your focus for the day and see it through.  Find your inner motivation and share it.  Lead by example; other will always be willing to follow.

I honestly believe I have felt your feelings.
I've walked in your shoes.
You have made some mistakes,
and you may not be where you want to be,
but that has nothing to do with your future.

~Zig Ziglar

SO, IS it just me, or do you, too find hope and honesty in the words of Zig Ziglar

Tell me, where do you find your inspiration, your motivation?

Rest well, Mr. Z – and thanks.

Lead or Follow: It’s Your Choice; Either Way, YOU WIN!

Is it just ME, or do you ever wonder how some people are constantly doing something  - all the time?

I’ve decided the answer is that they choose to, and it’s a good choice.

We have been deluged with the Law of Attraction (LOA) theme in the last 8 years, or so.  Once “The Secret” was let out of the bag (Press Pause: come on, now, was it really a secret?) we’ve been told to think about the power of thought. (“thought”, in this case, a noun, not the past tense of what it was we used to be thinking.  Let’s not create another chicken and egg debate!)

OK, I get it. Think positive thoughts and positive things will just happen, right?  Not totally out of my realm of acceptance; just a bit naive, I’d say.

If you sit around all day thinking lovely, positive thoughts….. well, I don’t think there’s any secret here – nothing happens.  LOA?  LOL!

Here’s “the secret”…actually, the game plan:

1.)      Think

2.)      Decide

3.)      Take Action

4.)      Complete Task

5.)      Access…………………………..and REPEAT

Thinking isn’t enough; that’s called dreaming.  It’s about actualizing.  The good news is that this is episodic; it’s forgiving.  You can press “restart” just by deciding.  Your decisions can float. You can decide to lead in one circumstance; you can decide to follow in another.  It’s always your choice.  Either way, you win.  In fact, everyone wins!

I’m a planner.  My dad used to always ask, “What’s on your agenda, today”.  He was telling us we needed to have purpose.  We needed to have a set of goals – if only for the day. 

Perhaps, that’s what made me a list-writer.  The joy of writing a list begins when you start crossing things off the list . Ah, the satisfaction. Something got done.

Then I started writing perpetual lists.  One thing off the top; something added to the bottom.  Ah, the empowerment.

I decided a long time ago the one thing I would never want to live with was regret (and the guy I wasted much of my 30s with!).  I’d rather try and not succeed (not the same as failing), learn something and try again – or something new.  Kind of like the 5-step approach, above. 

I look at having choice not as another burden, but as a blessing.  It’s freedom.  It’s also about accountability.  We must accept the results of our actions or lack of action.  That’s fair.

May I offer this suggestion...please?

Before you get out of bed in the morning decide what kind of a day you want to have. Then, plant your feet firmly on the floor and take the first step in that direction.  Now, you have an agenda.  You have a goal.  Maybe a list.  You have purpose.  That’s the only way you can be an effective leader, an effective follower and the perfect combination of both.  We need to know who or what purpose we are serving (this is true for leaders and followers), how we satisfy a need, how we impact the world.  It starts when we decide.

So, IS it just me…or do you admire those who have a plan?

Tell me, are you a list-writer?  How does it help you?

Please excuse me, now…I have to cross “Blog” off today’s list! 

And, thanks for deciding to read this Blog!  (BTW:  for proper response, see Blog of Monday, Nov. 26, 2012!)