An open letter to parents on bullying…

Dear Parents,

Since I can remember, I have had a visceral reaction to any situation that involves bullying.   My tolerance level is ZERO.   

What makes someone a bully?  Why do some, by inaction against it, condone it?   Why is anyone stupid enough to think they are above getting caught at it?  

I don’t pretend to have all the answers.  I do believe finding answers is based on caring enough to ask the questions.

In what environment are your children being raised that gives them a sense of superiority over another child?

Perhaps this is part of the genetics vs. environment debate about which the jury is still out, perhaps indicating it is really a combination of the two; which I believe to be true.  Therefore, parents are doubly accountable.

It is tragic that children are such a part of daily news for the worst of all possible reasons. We hear stories of frustrated parents seeking assistance from schools and social systems to protect their children and getting  no response.  Families move to new towns & cities to protect their children – FROM OTHER CHILDREN !    FROM OTHER PARENTS!! 

The epidemic proportions of bullying – and the term should not be used lightly – is an indictment against all of us.   Why should a less attractive, less athletically adept, less popular, less intelligent, less social individual feel pushed to such desperate edges as to the ledges of bridges and buildings?

Social acceptance is a primal desire, I would say, as is love.   Children should leave home fulfilled of that need, certain of that love.    Children should know their value, their worth to the world and I know I sound naïve to think it could be that easy, but it is the best first step to anchor and fortify children.  To send them out as a David in a world they see as full of Goliaths is a task no child should be forced to undertake in addition to all the “normal” challenges of adolescence.  

The job – the toughest job in the world – is that of a parent.  I cannot begin to imagine the overwhelm of heartbreak in bearing witness to your child’s victimization at the hands of bullies.   
What of the parents of the bullies?  I feel as much pity for you.  For to be responsible for turning out ‘weapons’ – yes, bullies kill, just like weapons – is a burden you must bear.    I beg you to search your souls and hold yourselves accountable for the role you have played – or the role you may be ignoring – that turned your child into a death threat to other children.

Know that it is never too late to change this situation.  If you are the parent of a bully, I present to you that your child may be in as much pain as those they bully.  They are questioning their own worth by diminishing the worth of others.  They make themselves feel bigger and better by making others feel smaller and weaker.   

There is a two-sided sword to this plight we call bullying.  There can be no victim if there is no perpetrator.  We must come together and stop pretending there is no problem.  Stop saying we are monitoring our children’s computer activity when we are not.   Stop worrying about our own social status in the neighborhood, pretending we have the perfect child.  We must hold ourselves accountable; we must hold our children accountable.   We will raise kinder,  gentler, more secure children  when we do.


Lastly, let’s be honest.  Let’s stop bullying each other as parents.  Let’s join hands and hearts and protect all children, everywhere.  

Together, we can put an end to bullying – once - AND FOR ALL!!  

With respect and with hope,

Beth Johnston
Executive Director
The International Women’s Leadership Association

The Power of Words

Is it just ME, or are you, too, growing more aware of the power of the words you chose – and the power of the words you hear?

Words are weapons.  I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say. 

Choose your words carefully.  Whether you realize it or not, words can overtake your thoughts on all levels.  They become you and you can become them.

Here’s an example:

I was recently among a group of amazing women; so much to offer, so much to share.  So many represented themselves by saying what they weren’t and what they didn’t want.  They placed themselves in very negative places emotionally, psychologically and eventually..,actually.

Declare who and what you are.

State clearly what your intentions are, what your goals and mission are.

Put everything in to positive syntax and, with practice, you will see yourself, your circumstances and the world from a more positive perspective.  You condition yourself to see the glass as half-full – which, by the way, is exactly the same as the glass being half – well not half full!

I don’t know anyone who prefers to spend time with negative, complaining people than with positive, affirming ones.

Sadly, it seems to be part of the human condition to complain, to blame, to be negative.  Just think of how quickly bad news travels!  It is rarer for individuals to go out of their way to compliment, to pat another on the back and just see the upside of any situation.

Lose words such as “don’t” and “can’t” from your day-to-day conversations and chose to see, live and be more positive. Talk about the “law of attraction”, this is what will draw people, opportunity, success and fulfillment to you.  Without even realizing it, you will be turning it around and sending it back out to others.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too see that choosing words and how you express yourself can eventually define your habits and, therefore, your results?

You can?   You can!

As Breast Cancer Awareness Month Continues

Is it just ME, or do you, too, wonder when the confusion about the “dos and don’ts” surrounding breast cancer will ever  be ‘final’.

Strides have been made, the walks continue, stats pile-up; the debate goes on. 

I am willing to continue to be confused if it is an indication that science is working overtime.  The flip-flopping concerns me and as a woman blessed to not be a breast cancer patient, I, like all women, know too many women who are,  We know those being treated today, we know blessed survivors and we know others who were not as blessed to make that list, or whose time on that list ended.

We are all part of this fight.  We are all in this together.

We must continue to walk, continue to hope and continue to believe in miracles…and as women of leadership,we must do what we can to ensure the same in the lives of others.
"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." A  Audrey Hepburn 1929-1993, Actress and Humanitarian

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, truly want to believe…

Miracles happen…believe.

An Attitude of Gratitude

Is it just ME, or do you, too, recall moments in your life when you just didn't feel appreciated, or when you could have appreciated others more?

I guess we all have.  It’s not a fulfilling experience; one I try not to create for others in either direction.

In a recent Blog, I wrote about what differentiates happy people from their counterparts.  Prime on the list was that happy people maintain an attitude of gratitude.  Sounds simple enough; we must strive for this - at least 51% of the time!

Below, is a quote that recently came across my desk.  All I want to say is, “Thank you, Melody.  You remind us that simple things, though not always easy, are always possible.   You humble me as you make evident that the power to be grateful is within each of us; it is yet another choice we get to make.

Please read and contemplate these amazing thoughts of Melody, which, once read, makes it seem too obvious for us to have ever missed an opportunity to have an attitude of gratitude in our day-to-day lives.  If it is that obvious,  it is that possible.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melody Beattie

I am going to leave it there; Melody said it all.

So, IS it just me, or are you, too making a list of all that you have to be grateful for?

 

I hope it’s a long list!

Grace; amazing!

Is it just ME, or do you, too, love beautiful, simple, yet profound stories you can easily visualize?

If so, here’s one you are going to love.  Put yourself into the story.  Picture it in your own neighborhood

Finding Grace by Bob Perks

"What could this possibly be?" I thought to myself.

 Why would someone place that sign so low? No one could read it."

You see them everywhere. Small signs promoting yard sales, cars, and business opportunities are posted on poles and lobbies of stores throughout the community. So many, in fact, that they sometimes become a blur defeating the sole purpose of getting your attention.

Not this one. This one stood out because it appeared to be a mistake.

I had just arrived at the local shopping center and as I got out of my car I noticed a small sign taped to the first pole. The reason I noticed it was because it was taped to the very bottom of the pole.

At first I thought it had fallen, but at closer look I saw it had been very securely attached with several inches of masking tape. So much tape that it crossed over the middle of the sign blocking out some of the details.

I had to look closer and to see what they were selling and who would do such a silly thing.

"Ah, a house for sale. I guess this was an approach to grab your attention," I said to a store clerk who was apparently taking a break and enjoying the fresh spring air.

"I don't think so," he replied.

"Well, why else would they have placed the sign way down here?" I asked.

Then, pointing down the walkway, he said, "That little girl is doing it. I just watched her and that lady hang this one."

Stooping down, I glanced to where he was pointing and indeed saw several more signs.

Curiosity always gets the best of me and some of the most incredible stories to share with my readers. This one was sure to fall into that category.

I slowly approached them and waited until the young child wound another yard of tape around the last sign.

"Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, but why are you placing the house for sale signs so close to the ground?" I asked.

The woman smiled and turned to me. "She's not selling the house. Look closer," she said.

Again I stooped down adjusting my position until I could finally read the small print.

"We miss you!" I read out loud. I looked up and said, "I don't get it! You miss the house?"

"Look closer," the woman replied. "Look at the picture."

Okay, now I am really on my hands and knees. People passing by must have thought I was foolish.

"Do you see the child?" the woman asked.

"Yes, I do." I replied.

"Look to the left in front yard."

Now adjusting my glasses and squinting I said, "The dog? Do you mean the dog?"

"Yes! Look at the very bottom of the sign."

Now this was a test for sure.

"I miss you! Come home!"

I miss you come home? I didn't understand. Fighting to regain my dignity, I stood up.

 I must have had that confused look on my face.

"Her dog is lost," the woman explained.

"Most people would hang a lost sign with a picture of the dog on it. It would also be where people could actually see it," I said with a chuckle.

"Well, you saw it," the young girl said.

Good point.

I found myself distracted for a moment. This child had the most beautiful cherub-like face accented by short curly blonde hair that danced with every movement she made.

Just seeing her sky blue eyes twinkle with the innocence of her youthful spirit made me hesitate to ask for further explanation.

Thankfully, the woman filled me in.

"I explained to her that it may be hard to find her dog. As you can see the store has many signs posted. So she said that she had a better idea. She wanted her dog to find her. Thus the picture of the house, her and the dog," she said.

"And hanging them down there..."

"You got it. So the dog could see it," she said.

Then motioning me aside the woman whispered, "It's been missing a few days now.

We really thought it would be back already. I didn't want to give up until she felt she did everything she could."

My heart ached for the child as I tried to think of some way to help.

"What a great idea!" I said to her. Then I stooped down and said, "I will say a prayer.

 I'm going to give your mom my phone number. Call me when you and your dog are back together."

I handed the woman one of my business cards. I had to know how this ended. "By the way, what's your dog's name in case I meet him in my travels?" I asked.

"It's a girl dog," the child said. "Her name is Grace."

I looked to the woman and she confirmed.

"Yes, we named her that because that's how we got her. She was lost. 'Amazing Grace, I once was lost but now I'm found, '" the woman said smiling.

One week later my phone rang. The little girl called to tell me Grace came home.

Amazing!

So, IS it just me?

May all the Graces you seek

come to you…just as amazingly!

International Day of the Girl

http://dayofthegirl.org/

This day is about celebrating girls, and advocating for gender equality. It is about prompting people to think and talk about issues that affect girls and women everywhere. Events around the country will bring people together to both recognize the role of oppression and take a stand against its influence on their own lives and communities.

Girls in the U.S. may have come a long way from the days when women couldn't vote or wear pants. But girls still have a long way to go before they are truly considered equal to boys. If girls make up 50% of the population, why do they make up only 20% of the leadership positions? Why do women earn fewer cents on the dollar than men? And in other countries, girls face being forced to stay home and not attend school, or forced into marriage as young as 8--all simply because they are girls. Discrimination still exists, and it affects us all in some way or another. We also cannot ignore the sexism faced by girls abroad, because girls are girls everywhere, and sexism does not know boundaries; an injustice felt in a small village in Mali is an injustice felt by us all. We’re all in this together, and we can’t afford to leave anyone behind.

When the Day of the Girl is established in the United States, it will represent a major step forward for girls’ rights. Convincing the American people and government that sexism remains a life-threatening issue for many women and girls means that small victories are no longer “enough”; we demand real change. It will give legitimacy to every girl that has ever been made to feel inferior. It will broadcast the message that Americans feel that sexism must be addressed right now, in all parts of the world, especially when it directly threatens lives and well-being.

A Rose is a Rose is a “Rosie”

Is it just ME, or do you, too remember posters from when you were a child that you just seemed to understand – just because they were always there?

Please tell me it’s NOT just me!

I recall a poster in my hometown Post Office, (Manhasset, New York, U.S.A.); a poster of a woman in work-clothes, her hair tied in a scarf.  I recall she was flexing her muscles.  I loved the poster!

Over the years, the story behind the poster became more understood by those of us born after the fact…

During World War II, the male workforce of the United States was depleted by some 1.7 million men who entered into service to our country.  Many of the factory jobs held by those men were replaced with American women.  For many, these jobs represented a rather healthy raise in earnings.  These jobs were intended to be temporary and the women were expected to return to clerical positions and homemaking when “the boys” returned from war. By and large, that is what happened. 

   

In the meantime, women showed up at work, picked up their drills, welding equipment, and other assorted tools likened to household appliances and did their jobs.  Bills got paid. Perhaps this was the era that also gave birth to the need for childcare for which successful working women paid upwards of $20 per week!

The Westinghouse Company wanted to promote morale in the workplace for these women and created a series of posters set-out to accomplish that.   While many women were photographed in the workplace, the ‘morale posters’ were a cross between photos and artistic renderings.  That was the style of the poster I recall as a child.  I believe it may be the most popular. I still love it!  

 

Now known as the prelude to the feminist movement that followed in the 1960s-1970s, the 1940’s era working woman became known as “Rosie the Riveter” and is an iconic symbol of the strength, resilience, determination and potential of women in the workforce.

Today, I received a fascinating e-mail from a colleague.  It was a news story that recently aired about of a 93 year-old woman, who, almost 70 years after the end of World War II, still reports to the factory, still a “riveter”.

Could we have a better role model; I think not.  What I do think is that we all should get to know this “Rosie” a bit more and appreciate what she represents to working women everywhere.

It is with profound respect that I introduce Elinor Otto, still on the job in Long Beach, California, U.S.A….Elinor “Otto”; a women we all “ought to” respect:

 CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

So, IS it just me, or do you, too respect, appreciates and love everything that this story represents?

Thank you to the 4.1 million American Rosies

and  the countless number of Rosie’s 

around 

the world.

Noreen Frasier ~ 13 year Survivor

Until…

Is it just ME, or are you, too sometimes “accused” of being stubborn?

You got me; I admit it: I am stubborn!  I suppose it’s in my genetic makeup – particularly on my Dad’s side – the thick-headed Irish side!

I recently came across a quote that has stuck with me.  I don’t recall who said it, (perhaps Napoleon Hill?) and I am probably paraphrasing, but the essence of the message was: 

Q:  How long should you keep trying?

A:  UNTIL!

Now I ask you, is that being stubborn?  Is that not, then, a good thing?

Here’s how I see it…stubborn for the sake of being stubborn is self-defeating, potentially, irrational.  Holding out for the win in the face of an opposing, more logical approach is nothing short of fool-hearty; that’s being stubborn in its worst possible way.

   

As recently written in another Beth’s Blog, ‘there are always 2 sides…’; so let’s look at the ‘other side of stubborn’:  CONVICTION.

It is important to have conviction and deeply-rooted belief in everything we pursue – otherwise, why pursue it?  

The difference is that the intelligent person can discern the line between the two.  So, back to the quote, above.

When you have a very strong belief, true conviction, it’s alright to be ‘stubborn’ at least up to the point of not repeating mistakes.  Conviction means to try and try again...UNTIL – until you learn from what didn’t work…and you keep aiming for the goal in a different way.

It’s easy to give up!  It’s easy to bail on dreams that, in your older years, haunt you as “what if’s”.  Dreaming is good, it is necessary – as long as it is followed up with action…UNTIL.

As I write this post, I recall not less than 6 previous ones that, in one way, or another, cross-paths with this entry.  CONVICTION?  Perhaps!

Let’s go back to Napoleon Hill, who may or may not have authored the thought I cannot escape from.  Known as a pre-eminent father of modern day thinking on the subject of success, I was shocked to read that his own successes were episodic and short-lived.  Most of his ventures were ill-planned, under-financed and eventual failures…UNTIL

When the likes of Henry Ford and Thomas Edison read his “The Laws of Success” did he gain legitimacy and credibility…. UNTIL

The Great Depression of the 1930’s (USA) delivered him back into poverty…UNTIL

In his late forties, he wrote “Think and Grow Rich”, which has become the hallmark of learning how to achieve success, a virtual genesis for the likes of other modern day thinkers, including Tony Robbins, who also didn’t rise to any notable level of success…UNTIL.

UNTIL…we try and we try…UNTIL…we either give up or we try UNTIL we need not try anymore – BECAUSE…because it worked, we accomplished our goal, we embrace success…UNTIL we set another goal.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, feel that being stubborn may not always be the worst thing in the world, for having conviction is to have faith and hope - in yourself.

Until… the next time…

12 Steps to happiness…

Is it just Me, or do you, too wonder why some people always seems so happy and others are just so – well, not?

I think some of us are just wired to see the ‘head’ side of the coin in situations while others see the ‘tails’.

I’ve decided that, to some extent, happiness is a choice:  we can choose to see the more positive side of every situation or we can chose to see the negative side.

OK, put your thinking cap on…who do you know that – no matter what – keeps smiling, thinking positively and moving forward?

Are you blessed to know someone like this?

Now, who do you know who – no matter how blessed they seem to be, no matter how great their talents, their friends and family, just seem to always be miserable? 

Now, I’m not trying to superficially judge anyone or declare why I think they should be happy, or not; but  it  is cause to pause and wonder why, or why not.

I guess that’s why both optimist and pessimist are listed in the dictionary!

Based on the studies and observations of positivity psychologist, Sonja Lyubomirsky, and adapted from Jacob Sokol, here are the 12 things happy people do regularly:

1.       Happy people express gratitude. --   Basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that's without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense. You’ll  have a hard time ever being happy if we aren't thankful for what we already have.

2.      Happy people cultivate optimism. -- Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism. No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the one who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She sees  what others may see as ‘failure’ as opportunity to grow and learn  new lessons from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times.

3.      Happy people avoid over-thinking and social comparison. -- Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous. If we're somehow ‘better’ than the person that we're comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority. If we're ‘worse’ than the person that we're comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we've done and dismiss all the progress that we've made. What I've found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn't stem from a healthy place. If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself.

4.      Happy people practice acts of kindness. -- Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain. (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.) Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside.  Evenbetter, I that the party who is the beneficiary of the kindness benefits, too.

5.      Happy people nurture social relationships. -- The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships. Did you know studies show lonely people die younger?  There's a wonderful feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with. We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than just ourselves..

6.      Happy people develop strategies for coping. -- How you respond to the difficult moments is what shapes your character. Sometimes circumstances are beyond our control; it's inevitable. It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal.

7.      Happy people learn to forgive. -- Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being. You see, your mind doesn't know the difference between past and present emotion. When you ‘hate’ someone, and you're continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are toxic for your well-being. You put yourself in a state of emotional negativity and it stays with you throughout your day.

8.      Happy people increase flow experiences. -- Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still. It's when you're so focused on what you're doing that you become one with the task. Action and awareness are merged. You're not hungry, sleepy, or emotional. You're just completely engaged in the activity that you're doing. Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus.

9.      Happy people savor life's joys. -- Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy. It's easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life's enjoyable experiences. When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic. It's the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding  -  if we remember to fully experience them.

10.   Happy people commit to goals. -- Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force. Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to accomplish a task or fulfill a goal.. When you're fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do it.. Counter-intuitively, having no option -- where you can't change your mind -- subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose.

11.    Happy people practice spirituality. -- When we practice spirituality, or perhaps,  religion, we recognize that life is bigger than we are. We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever. It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists. Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they're here doing work they're "called to do."

12.   Happy people take care of their body. -- Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be. If you don't have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected   Not only that, but here's the bonus... six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.

So, Is it just me, or are you, too, starting to better understand why some people “are just the way they are”; the way they chose to be?  Are you also seeing a bit of yourself – or lack thereof, in some of these points?  GREAT! Then you know where to begin to become a happier person.

On you mark, get set, GET HAPPY