Dear Parents,
Since I can remember, I have had a visceral reaction to any situation that involves bullying. My tolerance level is ZERO.
What makes someone a bully? Why do some, by inaction against it, condone it? Why is anyone stupid enough to think they are above getting caught at it?
I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I do believe finding answers is based on caring enough to ask the questions.
In what environment are your children being raised that gives them a sense of superiority over another child?
Perhaps this is part of the genetics vs. environment debate about which the jury is still out, perhaps indicating it is really a combination of the two; which I believe to be true. Therefore, parents are doubly accountable.
It is tragic that children are such a part of daily news for the worst of all possible reasons. We hear stories of frustrated parents seeking assistance from schools and social systems to protect their children and getting no response. Families move to new towns & cities to protect their children – FROM OTHER CHILDREN ! FROM OTHER PARENTS!!
The epidemic proportions of bullying – and the term should not be used lightly – is an indictment against all of us. Why should a less attractive, less athletically adept, less popular, less intelligent, less social individual feel pushed to such desperate edges as to the ledges of bridges and buildings?
Social acceptance is a primal desire, I would say, as is love. Children should leave home fulfilled of that need, certain of that love. Children should know their value, their worth to the world and I know I sound naïve to think it could be that easy, but it is the best first step to anchor and fortify children. To send them out as a David in a world they see as full of Goliaths is a task no child should be forced to undertake in addition to all the “normal” challenges of adolescence.
The job – the toughest job in the world – is that of a parent. I cannot begin to imagine the overwhelm of heartbreak in bearing witness to your child’s victimization at the hands of bullies.
What of the parents of the bullies? I feel as much pity for you. For to be responsible for turning out ‘weapons’ – yes, bullies kill, just like weapons – is a burden you must bear. I beg you to search your souls and hold yourselves accountable for the role you have played – or the role you may be ignoring – that turned your child into a death threat to other children.
Know that it is never too late to change this situation. If you are the parent of a bully, I present to you that your child may be in as much pain as those they bully. They are questioning their own worth by diminishing the worth of others. They make themselves feel bigger and better by making others feel smaller and weaker.
There is a two-sided sword to this plight we call bullying. There can be no victim if there is no perpetrator. We must come together and stop pretending there is no problem. Stop saying we are monitoring our children’s computer activity when we are not. Stop worrying about our own social status in the neighborhood, pretending we have the perfect child. We must hold ourselves accountable; we must hold our children accountable. We will raise kinder, gentler, more secure children when we do.
Lastly, let’s be honest. Let’s stop bullying each other as parents. Let’s join hands and hearts and protect all children, everywhere.
Together, we can put an end to bullying – once - AND FOR ALL!!
With respect and with hope,
Beth Johnston
Executive Director
The International Women’s Leadership Association
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