Obstacles

Is it just ME, or do you, too, sometimes, feel weighed down by what you might call obstacles?

Please, tell me I’m not alone!

“You've been around long enough, Doll”, would be what my Dad would tell me, “You know how it goes.”

True, true, true…and that was many years ago!  I've had plenty of time to understand how right he was.

Obstacles are challenges.  I've come to think of them as little tests along the way. They pop up here and there as if to force me to dig down deep and determine my resolve about something, measure my passion for it, or reevaluate the value of its results.  They almost seemed timed or calculated.

Obstacles are not reasons to give up.  They are not indications of failure or poor attempts; they are just tests, trials, if you will, and they are there for a reason.

Take a moment to think about ANYTHING in your life that truly has great value that didn't – or doesn't come with its own set of obstacles: go ahead…think about it…make a list…I’d say I’ll wait, but then I’d be waiting a long time – for nothing of great meaning or value comes without obstacles.  They are tests!

Annoying or as challenging as they may be, obstacles build character.  They force you to think, to come up with alternative plans, to grow, to stretch your mind, your belief in yourself and what it is you have set out to do.  They are tests and as with most tests, you must take them, pass them, and move on to the next ….obstacle.

We live in a world with the want of instant gratification, entitlements, success for the very desire of it.  We want it all without challenge, without discouragement, without obstacles.  It usually just doesn't work out that way, now does it? 

Relationships, jobs, finances, children, friends…they all come with challenges; they all come with obstacles.  You have to compromise, consider the feelings of other – even when they don’t necessarily align with your own; these are obstacles; these are tests of the value and importance these relationships, jobs, finances, children, friends…mean to you.  If you are not willing to deal with the obstacles, the pain, the sacrifice that comes with responsibility, perhaps you have  identified the biggest obstacle in your life – YOU!

We are grown-ups, we are supposed to have coping mechanisms on demand. As women, we are supposed to produce these mechanisms, these means of dealing with obstacles, not just for ourselves but for everyone else, as well. Obstacles suddenly seem to have obstacles….UNLESS….

Unless and until you realize that obstacles, and your ability to deal with them, to handle them, and to overcome them can be your greatest accomplishments, your greatest opportunity to become better, stronger, wiser, you will not have experienced one of the greatest feelings of triumph, success and satisfaction.

  

You will have passed the test!

Leonardo Da Vinci put it this way, “Obstacles cannot crush me; every obstacle yields to stern resolve.”

So, is it just me, or do you, too, RESOLVE to show up for the test, take the test, pass the test and move on.  If you don’t pass the first time, take it again and resolve to never let an obstacle stand in your way.  When you get to the wall, you can do 3 things:  you can stare at it, you can go around it or you can climb over it.

Testing, testing; 1,2,3

We are survivors!

Is it just ME, or are you, too, hearing story after t\story about survivors?

Fascinating, these stories, that are truly so different, yet somehow, alike.

Well, thankfully, we survived the 2014 Winter Olympics.  Pre-game threats of violence dampened the spirit of many well before the athletes left their homelands.  Parents of many who had supported their children’s dreams of Olympic participation did not even travel to see those dreams fulfilled for fear of violence and threats of terrorism.

So, yes, thankfully, the world survived; the games began and were completed and all are safely back home, despite the heart-breaking stories that ran concurrent to the ‘Russian Olympics’ in neighboring and former member of The Soviet Union, Ukraine.  Sadly, not everyone survived there.

Four sibling orphans of Ukraine, who had already survived that which branded them as orphans did survive.  They survived and found a new home in Alabama, USA as an American couple adopted this family.  The new parents survived the daunting legal battles to adopt in another country, to be present during The Opposition uprising in Ukraine, hearing gun shots and bombs going off within half a mile of their hotel.  They have survived the separation of the new dad returning to The United States with  three of the children while his wife stayed behind to complete the adoption of the their fourth child.  They are surviving.

Last week marked the passing of the oldest living survivor of the holocaust.  At the age of 110, she who had endured more than anyone now alive on this earth can imagine, survived by virtue of her love of music.  In her lifetime, she not only survived the unbearable conditions of a Nazi concentration camp, she survived all that life thereafter would put in her path.  I cannot help but wonder how many times she may have asked herself, “Why me; why did I survive?”

This morning, I saw an early news report honoring three young American girls who had been held hostage for more than a decade in such an inhumane way that they bore the heartbreak of separation from the entire outside world, they survived cruel and tormenting treatment, rape, starvation, fear and neglect.  They survived.

What is it that gives any one the courage, the perseverance, the hope to survive so much pain, so much confusion, so much loneliness, so much cruelty?

I don’t have the answer to this question, but to hear of these three stories – and there are others – in as many days, makes me believe there is precious little one cannot survive when the will to do so is strong enough.

Could I?

I pray to never know; I pray the same for you.

But this I believe:  we are all survivors.  We all have the capacity to endure more than we dare to imagine.  We all can pull from that strength we never knew we had until the moment demands that we do nothing less.  We are survivors.

What is takes to survive is the will to do so, the belief, against all odds, that we can, and that survival is worth it.

What makes survival impossible is lack of will, lack of faith and believing there is nothing worth surviving for.

While the three examples described above are extreme by all standards, remember them when you feel things are too hard, the odds are against you, that you are not deserving or that life is not worth it.

I do think I have an answer for that…you are wrong.    

So, IS it just me, or do you, too believe – with all your heart – that life is a game worth being part of and while we are not likely to win in every moment, survival is always possible and it is always worth fighting for.

Survival; it’s a decision

Did she remember to go back and say, “Thank you”?

Is it just ME, or do you, too see this a bit differently? I so enjoy reading as much as possible of what comes across my desk or lands in my e-mail.  Of course, I don’t necessarily agree with everything and some of what  I haven’t agreed with has provoked some  thoughts behind a few of my own blogs. Below is something that I recently read…I don’t know, for me there is something missing…read the story shared below…I’d love for you to share your thoughts, as I share mine, at the end of the story…. The Friendship Vacuum Attracting Friendships that Serve You and Last a Lifetime! What you’re about to read is a love story... well, not so much a love story as a love letter - A Soul Sister story and one of the greatest lessons of my life, to date. There was a 5-year period in my twenties (up until about 2 years ago) where I found myself completely friendless. Sure I had my family, my boyfriend, his family and my coworkers but I didn’t have a BFF/female/friendship connection. It was a lonely time in my life.  How and why did I find myself in this situation? Well, believe it or not, it was by choice. I once read that if you’re the most successful, ambitious and driven of all your friends, you better find new friends. And in order to attract those new friends, you must first make room in your life to receive them – you must create the vacuum. At first that sounded just a tad harsh... I mean, I loved my friends, they’d been in my life for years! We’d been through all kinds of things together: dates, breakups, new careers and countless stupid decisions that often came back to bite us.  Some never did fool me - I knew they were only a part of my life out of convenience. But there were a handful that I felt I had developed true, meaningful friendships with. The idea that I might one day actually choose to move on from these friendships seemed completely improbable and highly unlikely. But that is exactly what happened. In 2007 I found myself longing for something more. I was working as a Nanny and, while I loved my job, I felt deep in my soul that something was missing. I was meant for more. I was capable of more. I had an entrepreneurial spirit that couldn’t be ignored. I began studying the work of James Allen, Napoleon Hill, Earl Nightingale and Bob Proctor. The information was mind blowing! The idea that my thoughts, feelings and actions determine my results was a truly liberating concept. I learned that I hold the key to the prison that is my mind. If I could control my thoughts, I could create anything I wanted! I remember introducing a couple of friends to my new world – those who I believed would be present in my life for a lifetime. I was so excited to share my discovery with them and disappointed that all I received in return was skepticism and negativity. It was deflating and discouraging, to say the least.    But then I remembered... if I’m the most successful, ambitious and driven of all my friends, I had better find new friends. And in order to attract those new friends, I must first make the space for them and create, what I like to now call, The Friendship Vacuum. As painful as it was I knew I HAD to make some changes with regard to the people I was hanging around. If I wanted to become a successful entrepreneur and have the time, money and mental freedom I longed for, I needed to spend time with others looking to achieve similar dreams – or better yet, people who have already achieved them. I started spending less and less time with those friends in my life who seemed perfectly happy and content where they were and had no desire whatsoever for something more. They weren’t bad people, by the way; they just weren’t interested in changing or growing or improving. Before long, I was lonelier than the man in the lighthouse. I quickly began questioning my decision. It was a mental battle each and every day not to pick up the phone and apologize for my mistake in order to rekindle our friendship. But I stayed true to my decision and wished them well. “Successful people make decisions quickly and firmly.  Unsuccessful people make decisions slowly, and they change them often.” - Napoleon Hill Keys to Success: The 17 Principles of Personal Achievement Months passed, then years, and I still didn’t have any new, close, true friends to speak of. And then there was one. Finally, after 5 years of waiting, waiting, waiting!  I would quickly discover that one is all I needed because the vision I held was very clear. I asked the universe for a BFF who... ·      Loves me unconditionally ·      Sees the beauty in my quirkiness ·      Is interested in growing and studying together ·      Can keep a secret ·      Let’s me in ·      Makes me laugh when I cry ·      Can find the positive in any situation ·      Is driven for success ·      Operates with integrity, kindness and positivity There are more traits I asked for, but those are the biggies. Enter Mykie Oyler. It seemed out of the blue when she entered my life; I didn’t see it coming, yet I knew she was on her way and I welcomed the opportunity for new friendship with open arms. Once we met it was so obvious that she was exactly who I had been waiting for - and well worth the wait. She was all the things I asked for, and so much more. There was no way I was squandering this answer to my prayers. I jumped in with both feet, complete faith and an open heart. I trusted her with my secrets. I let her see me cry. I let her in to my quirky side. And I offered her the same safe space of unconditional friendship, as well.   We became fast friends. Now, 2 years later, ours is one of the most precious and valued relationships in my life. Where I lack, she excels and visa versa. We’re an incredible team. And here’s an interesting insight I experienced by creating a Friendship Vacuum:  We don’t attract to us what we want; we attract what we are.    During those lonely years, I put all my time and energy into learning and applying the material I was both studying personally and working with on a career basis.   My mind became so clear and focused on the traits I dearly desired in a true friend, that I literally incorporated and reinforced those very same traits in myself.      I attracted what I wanted because it had become who I was. Isn’t that interesting? The Friendship Vacuum may seem like a scary concept – and rightfully so. But it’s worth it! And that’s why I challenge you to really consider your relationships and whether they serve and support you in your growth.  Here’s my promise to you: If you will get clear about what you want and who you want to be, create a space for it in your life, and be willing to give as good as you get - you will be very pleasantly surprised by the kind of quality relationships waiting on the other side of the Friendship Vacuum! To my Best Friend, my Partner in Crime, my Inspiration, my Soul Sister … I am grateful for you every day.  I love you. XO Becca This story comes from Becca Hanson, VP of Administration at the Proctor Gallagher Institute.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, feel there is something missing here?  Fairly recently, I wrote that I have been blessed to have a handful of lifelong friends; those with whom we have shared life in every sense.  Of course I had numerous classmates and teammates I know I referred to as a friend at the time but I don’t recall making a decision to terminate a friendship because it no longer served me.   Life happens, of course and people lose touch, go their different ways – that HAPPENS.

When you truly have considered someone a friend in the absolute sense of what a friend is, think, rethink and then think some more before you give that person a friendship pink slip.

I am happy for Becca that she has attracted the friend she wanted, the friend she needed.  I do hope their 5 years grows and grows for their lifetime, I also hope Becca went back – at least in her heart – to appreciate those who no longer serve her needs; they brought her to that moment in time and helped make her who she is; I hope she at least said “…thank you”!

Think twice before you give up

 what cannot be replaced

Face it!

Is it just ME, or have you, too wondered what you might look like with a professional makeover?

Please, tell me I am not the only one!!

A professional makeover used to mean – and sometimes still does – that you get an updated hairstyle, a new outfit that suites you better & flatters you more and a new way of applying cosmetics.

Today, a makeover is often a ‘fakeover’!

Digital enhancing is used to create more flattering curves, better bone structure,  a more youthful body, a whiter smile, bigger eyes as well as enhanced other body parts!

A recent survey of non-celeb woman who participated in a full-blown photo shoot followed by ‘fuller-blown’ photo-shopping produced surprising reactions from the subjects of the survey:  they preferred their actual photos over the photo-shopped ones.  For this – and to them – I say, “Yes”!

Not only were the ‘befores’ their preference, they were overwhelmingly so. 

                                                     82%    vs   18%

I dare say we all know, perhaps quite well (!) women who criticize their physical appearance.  Wishing to be taller, thinner, having the perfect nose – whatever that is -  fuller lips….the list goes on.

By more than a 4:1 margin, women are finally becoming OK with their own physical reality defining their beauty as the uniqueness of their individuality over the elusive, if not impossible, Barbie -template of what we have been told defines beauty.

Kudos to the companies who now use ‘real’ women and girls in their ads and portray them as they are.

For at least a generation, there has been a debate about the damage the cover-girl image has inflicted on us, the average woman.  Knowing that even those we collectively agree are beautiful are photo-shopped for magazine covers, go  through pre- Red Carpet  binding and taping should bring the jury back on the issue of undue pressure on women to be the every woman: brilliant, beautiful, capable, accomplished.

Actually, this woman does exist; look in the mirror.  If you don’t see her there, ask yourself if you are looking for the right stuff, if you are willing to accept who and what you are and to know that if you are doing the best you can, well then you are good enough.

Beyond the mirror, look inside yourself.  If you know your actions are aligned with your beliefs, that results are equal to your efforts and that you are comfortable with how you feel, you, dear sister are just about as beautiful a woman as there can be.

Believe in who you are, lead with confidence and encourage others to do the same; you are, after all, a woman of leadership! 

So, IS it just me, or are you, too, willing to be the best you can be from the inside out?

Confidence

(Con fide: from the Latin: “with belief”)

It’s all that matters in the end..

Is it just ME, or do you, too, use the word ‘friend’ thoughtfully and with great discern?

I remember back in my Elementary School days (also known as Grammar School because – and here’s the funny part – they actually taught us grammar!) when Valentines’ day came around and my Mom would buy boxes of tiny little Valentine’s cards so that we each (of the girls!)  had enough to write one for every one of our classmates.  On Valentine’s Day morning, classmates walked up and down the aisles of desks placing a “?” greeting on every desk.  We wanted everyone to feel happy!

As the years piled on, it became less cool for this tradition to continue.

Valentine’s Day greetings grew fewer and farther between, all while we convinced each other - and ourselves -  that this meant someone reeealy liked you!  HMMMMM.

My hometown has its own Facebook pages and hundreds of former townmates, classmates and teammates share stories, memories, throwing out the occasion “who was_____” query.  Sometimes frustrating but always fun!

Last week, I viewed some classic class pictures.  I recognized all the faces, but it was hard to remember the names of all my former Valentines!  I am always curious as to who else may be doing the same thing with the photos I am pictured in!! 

Eventually, I was able to match names and faces and was left wondering where these people are and what they may be doing.

Then there is the handful of those you could never forget – not that you would ever try – or want to.   They are those who, regardless of the miles that may separate you, are always there for you before you even ask.  They just know when you might be needing them and they are usually right.

I am blessed with two ‘real’ sisters.  In addition, I am richly blessed with a handful of friends with whom I have shared life:  the surprises, good and bad, the shocks, the gains, the losses…LIFE.  While we certainly share so much history, we cannot imagine the future without each other.  FRIENDS!

They are those who don’t keep score, don’t track who was the last to call the other and with whom you pick up right where you left off.  You know each other’s brothers and sisters name,  who’s where and who’s doing what; because you care.  FRIENDS!

Unlike many men, who seem to be able to find a new best friend on demand, women approach friendship quite differently.   We define it more finely, we nurture it more thoroughly and are slow to give it up.

Author William Arthur Ward (1921 – 1994) put it brilliantly

“A true friend knows your weaknesses, but show you your strengths, feels your fears but fortifies your faith, sees your anxieties but frees your spirit, recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities."

Sadly, I have reached that point in life that connects us to our own mortality as we have gone through the loss of many of our friends’ parents and now face loss within our own generation.  The depth of that pain equals the height of the love we will forever feel for that friend.  That’s how you know you were blessed to have had a friend.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, feel blessed to have at least one person in your life that you can call a true friend?  Cherish it.  Take care of it.  Be forever grateful because of it; because of friendship.

               Forever Reliable In (the) END

You have to have heart – a healthy heart

Is it just ME, or are you, too shocked by the statistics we now know are associated with heart disease and women?

Long thought as a disease of men, we now know heart disease is the leading killer among women.

As February is heart healthy month for women, I want to share the persepctives of of Dr. Cynthia Thaik, a Harvard trained doctor specializing in heart health.  Interestingly, Dr. Thaik combines her medical expertise with behavioral and mindset shifts when staging life for a better balanced woman with a healthy(ier) heart.  Brilliant!


Your heart is much more than a biological muscle. It signifies energy, vibrancy, life, love, hope, happiness, vitality, strength, and spirit. When we examine our lives and the priorities that we place on our routines—careers, finances, relationships, successes, and failures—none of them carry much importance if we do not have our health as a base to support everything else. We strive to continually improve the quality of our lives, our sense of well-being, our energy levels, and our mental capacities.

Life is a gift, and good health and a good heart should be our most prized possessions. Yet too often, we fail to treasure our health and our hearts until those blessings are gone. Many of my patients seem to live in a state of constant chaos. They perceive their lives to be problem-filled, busy and unsettled, and they lurch from one crisis to another.

Sandra is one such example. A busy single mom of three young boys, Sandra works full time. She drops her children off at school each morning, picks them up at the end of the day, rushes home to prepare a meal, and barely has time to help them with homework before it’s time to get ready for bed. Hers is a busy life that many of us can relate to. She is constantly stressed and worried, fearful of the next crisis around the corner. Sandra’s life is out of control. It is no wonder that she is on several blood pressure medications and is constantly in my office with chest pain and palpitation.

Living in a constant state of chaos serves a purpose for Sandra. By keeping her attention and energy focused on putting out fires, she avoids facing the root causes of her stress. If external events are to blame, she does not have to assume personal responsibility for her actions or behaviors. This is the common thinking pattern of many. We defer to the chaos and allow it to sap our energy, disrupt our relationships, feed our addictions, and subject us to long-term health concerns.

But we have much more control over our lives than we give ourselves credit for. We may not hold sway over the many external events that seem to pitch our lives into a constant state of crisis. Yet we have power over something just as critical: our own reactions to those events.

Health and a vibrant, vivacious heart are not wholly physical things. The life we desire, the health we desire, and the quality of our hearts and bodies are first created within our mind’s eye. I share many effective techniques with my patients to help us manage stress, bring order to our chaotic lives, and find deep and lasting peace with ourselves and with the world around us.

-   Build sources of renewable energy. Your body responds to stress with adrenaline, but adrenaline is a fast-burning fuel source that leaves you depleted in the long run. Renewable energy is a long-term well of power that you can draw on repeatedly. How do you build renewable energy? Spend time with family, friends and loved ones, doing things you enjoy. Nurture your soul with art, music, dance, and beautiful things. Love yourself first, and you will start to build boundless reserves of energy from within.

-   Lower your stress response. Meditation, nature walks, and quiet times will help you focus on the present and release stress. Play a musical instrument. Go dancing. Tour a museum and embrace an unusual piece of art. Breathe. Rather than letting stress be a source of agitation, train your physical body to relax. Let stress be a minor element of your day, rather than letting it define the whole day.

-   Connect with your inner self. Mindful meditation creates the right state of mind that will allow you to develop a relationship with your inner guide. Take an honest look at who you are inside and listen to your inner voice. Develop a relationship with your true self. Engage in a conversation with yourself. You may not always be aware of your inner voice – but it is always aware of you.

-   Learn to become present in the moment. This is perhaps most important of all. Focus on a single moment in time. Become aware of that moment. Savor it. Appreciate it. Fill your senses with it. Let the past go and don’t worry about tomorrow. All that matters is today, this moment. Embrace today, one single moment at a time. Don’t even try to capture it on camera – just be content to let it reside in your memory. Each moment is precious. Savor it.

By building peace within, you will create a powerful defense against the demands of a chaotic life. You will turn things around and regain control of your choices, instead of letting external events control you.

A strong sense of inner peace is something that no external factor can disrupt. More importantly, your inner peace will become a source of renewable energy that will keep nurturing you no matter what. You will have boundless energy and endless vitality that no amount of stress or chaos can take away. Make the right choices, and celebrate your vibrant heart!

So IS it just me, or do you, to, feel Dr. Thaik has something here?

One beat at a time

Why start if you don't plan to finish?

Is it just me, or do you, too, know people who have worked hard only to give up right before dawn?

I doubt I am the only one; perhaps, I have been the one...the one who runs the race - the good race - who stopped just short of the finish line.

With the 2014 Winter Olympics well underway, I am, as always, amazed at the talent of competing athletes, some quite young, as they follow their dreams and their commitments to completion in this Olympiad.  For some, it may be a last chance to medal.

For others, still shy of their twentieth birthday, their lives have been a continuum of coaching, hard work, countless sacrifices with early mornings and late nights - all in pursuit of the goal that takes precedence over everything; including what, by all normal definition, would be a normal childhood.

Regardless of who wears the Gold, Silver or Bronze two weeks from now, each of these athletes in truly a world-class champion and a world-class example of what it means to make a commitment, to live with passion and to never give up.  Indeed, champions, all!

So, just what is it that makes a champion a champion?

Determination?  Genetics?  Being stubborn?

Yes, I believe all of these contribute to that which separates mediocrity from greatness.  But,I think there is more.

Whether an athlete, a student, a business-person, a parent or one who aspires to be one of these, what creates greatness is the refusal to see temporary lack of success as failure.  They are not one in the same, at all.

It is only when you give-up that you define yourself as one who accepts incomplete success as failure.  It is when you stop trying and surrender and give up the possibility of succeeding that you may just qualify yourself as not yet ready to succeed.

The great news is that, for most of us, it is never too late to try, try again.  While athletes sometimes have an expiration date for competition, in most cases, we can resume our journey.  OR, we can talk about it in the rear-view mirror and spend the rest of our lives talking about the "ifs" and the "buts", blaming time and circumstances for your deficiency.

I had an uncle; he had a wonderful sense of humor and was a great story-teller.  We loved his visits.

As the hours passed, he grew a bit sad.  He talked about the "old-days" and how they disappointed him, how he was held back and why luck was never on his side.

As we grew older, we began to get it.  We understood that he didn't take accountability for the outcomes in his life.  To his credit, he continued to look beyond the next horizon; in his own mind, he just never arrived; he never crossed the finish line; he stopped short of it.

Life is tough these days; you don't always win the gold medal - but you can keeping trying.  Decide what it is you really want and ask yourself what you are willing to do to get it.  If you really want to start your own business, i.e., ask yourself if you are willing to put in the long hours, make the investment of time, talent and treasure to make it happen?  

Separate what you dream about from what you long to do.

Like those competing in Sochi, Russia, are you willing to make it to the finish line- which might not always guarantee success, by the way, but it will guarantee you did your best, that you ran the race and that you own the outcome.  That, my friend, is another way to spell 'champ'.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, know the race you want to run, are you keeping your eye on the finish line and are you willing to keep trying?

                                                   Get ready, get set; GO!

STOP, and ask yourself why.

Is it just ME, or do you, too, relate to the story I share, below...?

Do you still cut the ends off the rib roast?

One night the mother was preparing dinner.

The daughter was watching everything the mother was doing, from chopping up the vegetables to seasoning the sauces.

Everything was going fine until the mother cut the ends off the rib roast.

'Why did you do that?', the little girl asked. Because that is how my mom did it', the mother answered. 'Well why did she do it?' 'You know I'm not really sure, let's call her and find out.'

So she called her mother and asked her why she had always cut the ends off the rib roasts.

'Because that is how my mom did it', was the response. 'Do you know why she did that?' 'Now that I think about it, I don't know, let me call her and ask her why.'

So the little girl's grandmother called her own mother, who was very old at this point, and she asked her the same question, 'Mom, when you would cook rib roasts, why did you always cut the ends off?

'Because the roast wouldn't fit in the oven dear.'

Isn't that great!  I love this story and I truly relate to it.

Many have observed and commented when I do things the way my Mom did; I always say, "Thank you". That, to me, is a compliment I crave and appreciate.  Though I don't believe I do anything as well as my Mom did, I know she was my first teacher; I, apparently, a good student.  I  actually feel when I am in 'Mom mode'.  It is a very warm feeling; as though she is actually not just with me but working through me. 

Then, there are times I have stopped and asked myself why I am doing what I am doing the way I am doing it!  Reminds me of the Einstein definition of insanity.    

Perhaps, the most important thing is to be aware, and accept,  that sometimes a break-in-tradition may serve us better today than old habits served us in yesteryear.

Change is not always comfortable, though sometimes necessary.

I recently worked with a wonderful woman I had coached a short time ago; I took her back to boot-camp. To her credit, she accepted the 'tough love' the next couple of hours hit her between-the-eyes with.  More so, she made the changes she needed to make that would serve her better.  It had a rather instant impact on her and she could not have been more pleased.   She took smart, necessary action to change.  Kudos to her!

Be present with, in and around yourself - I know that may sound crazy - but I observe too many people on auto-pilot waiting for things they hope will happen to magically happen without being accountable to the reality they must cause them to happen.  You must create your life; not expect it to show-up!

I marvel at live-theater performers who do up to eight shows per week.  They have to 'get up' for each performance making that show better than all those they have performed before.  There are no 'do-overs', there is no editing....this is it!

Your life is not a dress rehearsal.  Though every 'performance' may not be your best, each should be the result of your best effort.  

  

If you find yourself cutting the ends off the roast and you don't know why, it's time to stop and re-access. If today's action are not in your best interest, it's time to stop re-access.  If you need different results than the actions you are taking are getting, it's time to stop and re-access.

SO, IS it just me,  or do you, too, believe the end cuts of the roast are the best?   Why throw the best part - of anything out?  Why throw any moment away?

                                                                                                             Thanks, Mom xo

"I Was Wrong!" A Father's Confession

Is it just ME, or do you, too, recall times when the  hardest words to say - and sometimes to hear - are "I was wrong"?

The following crossed my desk last week; it touched me deeply.

Though written as a letter from a father to his sons,  I believe there is something here for everyone.

    Keith, Evan...

     I'm on a different journey in my life. I'm getting old and I'm on my own for the first  time.  I     

      thought things would be different.

     I may not have a chance to say these things to you.  So, permit me to say them now.

    Wait, don't say a word, sigh, moan or tune out as though you already know what I'm going to      

     say. You think perhaps I've said it all before like some broken record and you don't want to hear it again.

    What could I possibly say that I haven't said before?

    "I was wrong."

     

     I knew that would get your attention.   

     

    When I told you how much I loved you, I was wrong. It turns out I loved you even more.

    When I said, "You can become anything you want." I was wrong. You're becoming even more than      you thought you could.

    When I said, "You didn't hear a word I said!" I was wrong. I've heard you say "I    

    love you!" a million times.

   When I told you "Hold my hand when we cross the street. You'll be safe."

    I was wrong. I really wanted to hold onto you while I could. I knew one day you'd     let go of    me.

   When I said I'm very proud of both my sons, I was wrong. I never imagined how     

    incredibly proud I could be.

   I've heard you say that you want things to be different when you have children and    you don't want an ordinary life.  I said the same thing. I was wrong.

   I did indeed do things differently than my dad, you will, too. But in the end I wanted the      same results. I wanted the very best for my children.  So did he. In spite of all his imperfections,      

    inability to communicate his love properly, stubborn, sometimes arrogant ways, my father did okay.

   My brother is an incredibly successful man and I'm still working on it.

  So, as I venture into this new life let me leave you with one final thought.

  Don't take anything for granted.  Work hard to make love the focus of your life.   Don't assume that everything is okay with your marriage. Ask, listen and change   where you need to make changes.

  You can say the words, "I love you!" but you must also show it.

  You can show her that you love her, but she must also know you mean it.

  You can sing to her, cling to her and think you are everything to her, but don't   

  assume you are, just because she's still there.

  You may turn around one day and find yourself alone.

  Oh, yes.  One really big thing...Don't ever be too proud to say, "I was wrong."  

  I love you,

  Dad

Written by Bob Perks:
Bob Perks is an inspirational author and speaker and a truly remarkable human being.