Never settle…

Is it just ME, or do you, too know too many people, especially women, who just always seem to accept what they are given?

Now, I’m not talking about accepting that your feet hurt by the end of the day or that you are not as understood as you want to be…I’m talking about accepting that whatever happens just happens.  I’m talking about women who don’t play an active enough role in their own lives!

I read a very interesting quote recently: something to the effect that once you settle for less than you deserve, you get less than you settled for…something like that and I am sorry I can- not give credit to the right party.

Once you settle, you accept.  Once you accept you acknowledge that “it’s good enough” – for you.

There is no woman in the world who deserves any less than anyone else in the world…please read that again…a third time if you need to…

Now, here’s the warning on THAT label:  it’s still your choice!

If you chose to accept, to settle, you’re not “allowed” to complain about it after the fact.

You CAN, however, change your mind and decide you want more, you deserve more and you are willing to do the work to achieve more.

Fair deal; don’t you think?

Sure it is.  It reminds me of a famous scene in a movie (NETWORK) in which people are shouting out their windows, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

Try it; very liberating…now do something about it – because you can. 

Believe me, within the capacity of every woman is greatness.  Women are natural born leaders!  Day-in and day-out women share their incredible stories with us at The International Women’s Leadership Association.  They share how they overcame circumstances and situations others of us cannot comprehend by deciding to try to change them.

Many, many tiny steps add up to major leaps and in that journey is change and in that process is the unwillingness to settle.  In that process is declaring that I am worthy to the extent I am willing…

So, IS it just me, or do you, too realize that your right to choose gives you power over results ; power over your life.

Chose to never settle

We survived!

Is it just ME, or do you, too, wonder how the world survived for the approximate 38 minutes Facebook went down on the morning of June 19, 2014?

OMG… it was in the 4 A.M. hour and I was up listening to the morning news.  The announcement was made:  Facebook was down!

I lay there wondering what I should do…in this “War of the Worlds” moment, I prayed the panic would not spread too quickly, that windows wouldn’t open and that 1.2 billion people could hang on and make their way through this tragedy!

I was glad it was so early on the east coast of the United States  and thanked God that most Americans were still in dreamland believing the world was as safe as when they closed their eyes the night before.  If only they knew!!!

“Sorry; something went wrong” were the simple reply words given to those Face Bookers east of New York.  Wasn’t Eastern Europe in enough pain?  How would the feelings of Spain’s loss to Chile in the World Cup be shared with so many – not to mention on the same day at the Coronation of a new King in Spain!  ENOUGH!

Calm returned within the hour; all was right with the world again (Oh, really?)!  Face Book was back!

OK – just having a moment!

BUT, it did cause me to think how reliant we have become on “stuff” the world knew nothing of so short a time ago!  Progress!    Progress?

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, miss some of the personal touch that was shared between friends and family?  Are we on sharing overload?  Who really needs to know what ANY ONE is doing in any given moment?  Progress!   Progress?  Just a thought:  In the words of ET…CALL HOME!

Reach out and touch someone

(notifications don’t count!!)

Competition: It’s a good thing!

Is it just ME, or do you, too, know business persons who shutter at the thought of competition?

I got over the fear of competition a long, long time ago and I want you to do so, as well…

I can recall times of sharing ideas for businesses with others who told me I was crazy because someone had already done ‘something like that’.

Good, I thought; there’s competition!  That means someone else has already done due diligence; great minds, I thought!

Could you imagine if you could only buy one type of car, shop in one particular store, eat food prepared the exact same way – every time?  NO, of course you couldn’t.  Besides, how boring would life be?

I want to share three positive ways to view competition:

Competition creates choices

Competition indicates proof of concept

Competition indicates a market

This is all great news!

So, where do you go with a great idea for an existing market where competition is able to be identified?  How do you begin to compete?  How do you begin to gain market share?  GREAT QUESTIONS!

You get busy – very busy – determining how you may be able to:

Serve a niche market already served by competition

Serve a share of the same market in a better way

Serve a share of the same market in a better way

Determine one very distinguishing factor that differentiates you from the public  

  Perception of what is perceived to be your competition.

Believe it or not, you competition; may even thank you for it:  you are adding strength to their existing market and you might just help them get back on their “A” game!

Imagine coming up with totally unique, never thought of idea before  (I wonder if that is even possible, any more!)  Now, imagine going out into the world and trying to explain this idea that has never been heard of before and get people excited about it.  Then, get them to pay for it!

Think about it!  Virtually everything is an extension or a newer version of something that already exists in one way, or another.  The key is to do it better, more affordably, shinier, with ease of functionality and a new twist.

This is what existing markets respond to.

How many newer, better versions of anything have you bought?  How many next generation devices have you bought?  How many new wonder creams have you tried?  OMG…how many weight loss programs have you signed-on for?

These are all products within huge industries and they just keep coming at the market with “the better mouse trap”.

Don’t put aside your ideas…think them through…learn the competition… segment the market; don’t try to take it over!

Come from abundance in everything you do.  Do what you do for the best of reasons and serve others in the best way you can.  The waters may not always provide for the smoothest journey, but at least you’ll know you are heading in the right direction!

So, IS it just me, or can you, too appreciate that competition is a good thing and something you should not be fearful of?

Don’t be afraid to compete!

Roots and Wings

Is it just ME, or do you, too find yourself weighing things you want to do for yourself against the sense that you might be disappointing someone else in the same moment?

Please, tell me I am not the only one!!

I recall a day in my life in the late 60’s when as a young teenager, I had the opportunity to attend a high school dance with a bunch of my friends.  On the same night, I had planned to go to a St. John’s University basketball game with my Dad, a couple of my brothers and a younger sister, or two.

We had season tickets to St. John’s games for years and “the plan” was somewhat automatic. Talk about “cognitive dissonance!!

So fearful of disappointing Dad for not going to the games (or perhaps bringing him to the realization his “little girl” was growing up), I angst over how to tell him!

You’ll never guess what I decided to do…… I’ll share that with you at the end……

When the story I am about to share came across my mail, it stirred this teenage memory and on a much larger scale, I want to share Ruth’s story…


The Song Of My Life

I have always wanted to live in California. In 1989, after graduating with my certification in elementary education from Clark University, I packed my car with everything I owned and headed West to follow my dreams.

I set off on my adventure in February and took the southern route from Boston to California. I was so excited to find a fun place to live, get a great teaching job, and start my new life! The trip was fantastic. I visited all sorts of friends and family along the way. Once I reached California, I got scared. The fear of doing it all on my own was so strong that it pulled me back home to the safety of my family.

I moved back home with my mother, in Boston, and eased into my teaching career.  Like others who abandon their dreams, I had to push away that ever-present feeling of regret that I didn't stay in California. The regret became more distant but it never really disappeared.

Fast forward, ten years later, I was still in Boston and getting my masters degree, when my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I became her primary care giver. It turned my life upside down, and yet I cherished the time I was able to spend with her.

When my mother passed away, I was devastated. It underscored the rut I was living in. I wasn't satisfied with my job, or anything, really. I felt stuck, and my heart KNEW there was something else. 

A decade later, in 2009, I went to a personal development workshop. The facilitator asked: “What’s something that you’ve tamped down, pushed away and told yourself, ‘No I can’t do that’?”

What immediately surfaced was going to California. It had been 20 years since my cross-country journey. 

That very moment, I decided to go back. Instantaneously, I felt the weight of regret from all those years lifted. I was so excited!

That night, I woke up to the "old, nagging" voice of doubt and fear: “Who the hell are you? You can’t do this. You have a perfectly good job; your family and friends are here. What will you do? Are you nuts?”

Then another voice appeared (from the movie, "The Princess Bride"): “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!”

I thought I was going crazy. The voice kept repeating that phrase over and over again. What was going on?

All of a sudden I heard myself saying, “My name is Ruth Wishengrad, you killed my spirit, prepare to die!”

The voice of doubt kept echoing in my mind. So I screamed louder, “My name is Ruth Wishengrad, you killed my spirit, prepare to die!” I kept repeating this until the “You can’t do this” and the “Who do you think you are” voices were gone. 

Finally! I heard what my heart wanted me to do. I was going to California, no matter what. I didn’t know WHERE in California I was moving to, or WHAT I was going to do, I just knew I was doing it.
Once I made the decision, things started showing up to support my dream. My friend, Kate, said she had some vacation time and would love to accompany me. Then another friend said I could ship my car to where she lived in Arizona. Amazing things continued to appear.

It felt like that scene in “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”, where he stood at the edge of the cliff, not knowing what would happen, and knowing that if he didn’t take that step into the unknown, it would spell disaster for him and everyone else. So he took the step, and the path magically appeared before him. This kept happening over and over for me. Every time I would stop, listen and say YES to me, things showed up, every time. I kept ‘taking a leap of faith’.

A year after I moved to California, an opportunity came for me to take a songwriting class for free. I was terrified to take it. I couldn’t even press ‘send’ on the registration form because my hand shook. What was I afraid of? The class was free, after all. Maybe I was afraid to let myself become who I truly wanted to become. I couldn't let myself be afraid of that, could I?

So, once again, I took that leap into the unknown, and the rewards have kept coming ever since. That was the beginning of my breaking free of my fears and allowing my voice to be heard in so many ways.

It was fifteen years ago this week that my mom passed away. Back then, I was devastated and thought my life was over.

In the last year, since I have found what makes me happy and makes my heart sing, my mom has been visiting me more often in my dreams. It feels fitting to honor my mom’s passing with the birth of my dream. I was determined to make a change and live the life I love and I HAVE!

I’m now a singer and songwriter, creating music that heals and touches the lives of children and adults. I call them Songs to Change Your Tune™.

What dream have you been putting on hold? Take the leap of faith and your life will never be the same.


Ruth Wishengrad

Ruth “Wish” Wishengrad is a vibrant singer and songwriter. She’s passionate about the benefits of positive thinking and empowers others to do the same through her songs. For years, Ruth had these songs in her head. When she finally started to listen to their positive messages, she realized she was really listening to songs of her soul.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too have an experience along these lines?  What I’ve learned during my life is that the role of parents and children become somewhat equal at a point in time and then they change, almost switch.

What I know from my parents is that their greatest joy was to see their children take the lessons they taught in giving us our roots and see them rise, so much so, that we adult children could spread our wings  -   and fly!

Honor your roots and use your wings

Now, back to my little story….I actually called my Dad form a pay telephone (remember those?).  I told him about the dance …he was fine!

Years later, I told him the whole story…he laughed, so did I, then we both shed a tear.

FLY!

(but never forget your roots)

Thank you, Maya

Is it just Me, or will, you, too miss the in-the-moment spontaneous moments of Maya Angelou’s words of wisdom? Without a doubt, we all will. The calm of her voice, the focus of her thoughts, the passion evident in her eyes, Ms. Angelou was, indeed, blessed with great insight and the ability to compose rational thoughts that we could all “get”. Beyond – or perhaps, better said, “before” her ability to share these thoughts was her desire to do so. Ms. Angelou’s impact on civil rights and women’s issues is many decades old, but for many, she became known in households around the world as a regular guest on the Oprah show. Her kindness was evident yet she could “throw a punch”. She could be quite direct; that was good. I often use the term “an iron fist in a velvet glove” and that somewhat applies to Maya Angelou. She said what she meant; she meant what she said and in the end, I believe we could all be better for it. I have chosen one of her, too many to count, quotes to focus on, here and now… "I can be changed by what happens to me; but I refuse to be reduced by it." I am particularly fond of this quote; it resonates quite deeply in my mind and in my heart. For me, it calls upon the strength that is within each and every one of us; trust me, it is there. Now, you just have to learn it trust IT! We are all called upon the make our way through moments in life we wished never came. The death of love ones, most of all, can easily break not only our hearts but our spirits for an extended period of time. For some, it takes far less than such loss to have their spirit broken. Yes, we will forever be changed, and that is more than understood, but we should never allow ourselves to be reduced by it. Out of every moment comes the opportunity to learn a lesson, to count a blessing and to realize that, though changed, in many ways, we should focus on the gift that was ours, the experience we were given and the joys shared with others. Those are the things of growth, of expansion; not reduction. They are the lessons of life that give us the opportunity to gain strength, as if working any muscle of the body. Seeing it any differently, I would say, is to excuse oneself, to pardon one’s own deficiency or lack. Yes, that may sound the stuff of the human condition, but we are capable of so much more and I would exchange development for disappointment, resilience for regret, and faith to move forward over being paralyzed by failure any day – every day. So, IS it just me, or do you, too, thank this complex women who spoke simple words we could all learn something from? Maya Angelou 1928-2014, Author and Poet