It’s not your turn to speak

Is It Just Me, or do you, too, sometimes find yourself in a conversation in which everyone is speaking and no-one is listening?

Clearly, I am not a woman of few words!  (I often write the way I speak!)  I’d like to think, however, that in speaking, or writing, I sometimes have something to say – ergo, something worth another taking the time to listen to.  I dream!

Conversing (from the Latin, “con”, with and “verse”, words: converse: to share words with) is wonderful.  It fulfills a need we have to share thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  Recent studies prove women clearly have this need exponential to that of men – did we really need a scientific study for that?

Communicating is a primal need, a fundamental right, if you will, and, I dare say, the foundation of good and enduring relationships.   As with most of the “funnest” things in life, it takes two…

The time and attention that one gives another is a priceless gift; one too seldom given these days.  Too many times, when people get together,   the tennis tournament of talk begins!  Words go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  Sentences begin with “I”, “me”, “mine”.  Who’s listening?

We’ve all heard the expression that God gave us one mouth and two ears for a reason.  Well, He has!   We’re just not using the equipment correctly!

Here’s an example I share from experience:

I expressed to someone near and dear to me that I had a rather bad headache… quite unusual for me.  Her “response” was to tell me about the horrific headache SHE had LAST WEEK.  Now, I had a worse headache!

It may have made more sense for her to “react” by – oh!, I don’t know, offering to get me some aspirin!  There’s a thought!   There actually, was the cue – but it wasn’t the cue her that it was her turn to speak.

Now, don’t take that literally…that makes me sound like a mean girl!  What I mean is that the silence created when someone stops speaking doesn’t necessarily mean it’s your turn to speak, especially about a disconnected thought or at a time when action would speak louder than words.

LISTEN.  Let the other party know that you heard them.  Let them know that what you said mattered to you.  VALIDATE them.  The power of that should not be underestimated, nor tossed to the wind.

Listening to another is a gift for give that person.  It’s also a learning experience for you; emotional calibration of sorts.  IT’S POWERFUL.

Listen intently.  Listen softly.  Listen without judgment.  Listen with compassion.  Being a confidant for another is an incredibly important role to play; not always easy, but important.



Lastly, don’t always assume that when someone tells you something, that they want your advice or your opinion.  Opinions are best left to oneself until asked.  Even then, they are only YOUR opinion.

Be open to listening, including to the sound of silence; it, too can be quite beautiful.

Go ahead, give it a try.  ‘Lend someone your ear’.  If they never give it back, that’s OK, remember, God gave you two!

So, IS it just me? or have I given you a headache… be right back – do you want one aspirin or two?

Go ahead, I’m listening!