It’s all that matters in the end..

Is it just ME, or do you, too, use the word ‘friend’ thoughtfully and with great discern?

I remember back in my Elementary School days (also known as Grammar School because – and here’s the funny part – they actually taught us grammar!) when Valentines’ day came around and my Mom would buy boxes of tiny little Valentine’s cards so that we each (of the girls!)  had enough to write one for every one of our classmates.  On Valentine’s Day morning, classmates walked up and down the aisles of desks placing a “?” greeting on every desk.  We wanted everyone to feel happy!

As the years piled on, it became less cool for this tradition to continue.

Valentine’s Day greetings grew fewer and farther between, all while we convinced each other - and ourselves -  that this meant someone reeealy liked you!  HMMMMM.

My hometown has its own Facebook pages and hundreds of former townmates, classmates and teammates share stories, memories, throwing out the occasion “who was_____” query.  Sometimes frustrating but always fun!

Last week, I viewed some classic class pictures.  I recognized all the faces, but it was hard to remember the names of all my former Valentines!  I am always curious as to who else may be doing the same thing with the photos I am pictured in!! 

Eventually, I was able to match names and faces and was left wondering where these people are and what they may be doing.

Then there is the handful of those you could never forget – not that you would ever try – or want to.   They are those who, regardless of the miles that may separate you, are always there for you before you even ask.  They just know when you might be needing them and they are usually right.

I am blessed with two ‘real’ sisters.  In addition, I am richly blessed with a handful of friends with whom I have shared life:  the surprises, good and bad, the shocks, the gains, the losses…LIFE.  While we certainly share so much history, we cannot imagine the future without each other.  FRIENDS!

They are those who don’t keep score, don’t track who was the last to call the other and with whom you pick up right where you left off.  You know each other’s brothers and sisters name,  who’s where and who’s doing what; because you care.  FRIENDS!

Unlike many men, who seem to be able to find a new best friend on demand, women approach friendship quite differently.   We define it more finely, we nurture it more thoroughly and are slow to give it up.

Author William Arthur Ward (1921 – 1994) put it brilliantly

“A true friend knows your weaknesses, but show you your strengths, feels your fears but fortifies your faith, sees your anxieties but frees your spirit, recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities."

Sadly, I have reached that point in life that connects us to our own mortality as we have gone through the loss of many of our friends’ parents and now face loss within our own generation.  The depth of that pain equals the height of the love we will forever feel for that friend.  That’s how you know you were blessed to have had a friend.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, feel blessed to have at least one person in your life that you can call a true friend?  Cherish it.  Take care of it.  Be forever grateful because of it; because of friendship.

               Forever Reliable In (the) END

You have to have heart – a healthy heart

Is it just ME, or are you, too shocked by the statistics we now know are associated with heart disease and women?

Long thought as a disease of men, we now know heart disease is the leading killer among women.

As February is heart healthy month for women, I want to share the persepctives of of Dr. Cynthia Thaik, a Harvard trained doctor specializing in heart health.  Interestingly, Dr. Thaik combines her medical expertise with behavioral and mindset shifts when staging life for a better balanced woman with a healthy(ier) heart.  Brilliant!


Your heart is much more than a biological muscle. It signifies energy, vibrancy, life, love, hope, happiness, vitality, strength, and spirit. When we examine our lives and the priorities that we place on our routines—careers, finances, relationships, successes, and failures—none of them carry much importance if we do not have our health as a base to support everything else. We strive to continually improve the quality of our lives, our sense of well-being, our energy levels, and our mental capacities.

Life is a gift, and good health and a good heart should be our most prized possessions. Yet too often, we fail to treasure our health and our hearts until those blessings are gone. Many of my patients seem to live in a state of constant chaos. They perceive their lives to be problem-filled, busy and unsettled, and they lurch from one crisis to another.

Sandra is one such example. A busy single mom of three young boys, Sandra works full time. She drops her children off at school each morning, picks them up at the end of the day, rushes home to prepare a meal, and barely has time to help them with homework before it’s time to get ready for bed. Hers is a busy life that many of us can relate to. She is constantly stressed and worried, fearful of the next crisis around the corner. Sandra’s life is out of control. It is no wonder that she is on several blood pressure medications and is constantly in my office with chest pain and palpitation.

Living in a constant state of chaos serves a purpose for Sandra. By keeping her attention and energy focused on putting out fires, she avoids facing the root causes of her stress. If external events are to blame, she does not have to assume personal responsibility for her actions or behaviors. This is the common thinking pattern of many. We defer to the chaos and allow it to sap our energy, disrupt our relationships, feed our addictions, and subject us to long-term health concerns.

But we have much more control over our lives than we give ourselves credit for. We may not hold sway over the many external events that seem to pitch our lives into a constant state of crisis. Yet we have power over something just as critical: our own reactions to those events.

Health and a vibrant, vivacious heart are not wholly physical things. The life we desire, the health we desire, and the quality of our hearts and bodies are first created within our mind’s eye. I share many effective techniques with my patients to help us manage stress, bring order to our chaotic lives, and find deep and lasting peace with ourselves and with the world around us.

-   Build sources of renewable energy. Your body responds to stress with adrenaline, but adrenaline is a fast-burning fuel source that leaves you depleted in the long run. Renewable energy is a long-term well of power that you can draw on repeatedly. How do you build renewable energy? Spend time with family, friends and loved ones, doing things you enjoy. Nurture your soul with art, music, dance, and beautiful things. Love yourself first, and you will start to build boundless reserves of energy from within.

-   Lower your stress response. Meditation, nature walks, and quiet times will help you focus on the present and release stress. Play a musical instrument. Go dancing. Tour a museum and embrace an unusual piece of art. Breathe. Rather than letting stress be a source of agitation, train your physical body to relax. Let stress be a minor element of your day, rather than letting it define the whole day.

-   Connect with your inner self. Mindful meditation creates the right state of mind that will allow you to develop a relationship with your inner guide. Take an honest look at who you are inside and listen to your inner voice. Develop a relationship with your true self. Engage in a conversation with yourself. You may not always be aware of your inner voice – but it is always aware of you.

-   Learn to become present in the moment. This is perhaps most important of all. Focus on a single moment in time. Become aware of that moment. Savor it. Appreciate it. Fill your senses with it. Let the past go and don’t worry about tomorrow. All that matters is today, this moment. Embrace today, one single moment at a time. Don’t even try to capture it on camera – just be content to let it reside in your memory. Each moment is precious. Savor it.

By building peace within, you will create a powerful defense against the demands of a chaotic life. You will turn things around and regain control of your choices, instead of letting external events control you.

A strong sense of inner peace is something that no external factor can disrupt. More importantly, your inner peace will become a source of renewable energy that will keep nurturing you no matter what. You will have boundless energy and endless vitality that no amount of stress or chaos can take away. Make the right choices, and celebrate your vibrant heart!

So IS it just me, or do you, to, feel Dr. Thaik has something here?

One beat at a time

Why start if you don't plan to finish?

Is it just me, or do you, too, know people who have worked hard only to give up right before dawn?

I doubt I am the only one; perhaps, I have been the one...the one who runs the race - the good race - who stopped just short of the finish line.

With the 2014 Winter Olympics well underway, I am, as always, amazed at the talent of competing athletes, some quite young, as they follow their dreams and their commitments to completion in this Olympiad.  For some, it may be a last chance to medal.

For others, still shy of their twentieth birthday, their lives have been a continuum of coaching, hard work, countless sacrifices with early mornings and late nights - all in pursuit of the goal that takes precedence over everything; including what, by all normal definition, would be a normal childhood.

Regardless of who wears the Gold, Silver or Bronze two weeks from now, each of these athletes in truly a world-class champion and a world-class example of what it means to make a commitment, to live with passion and to never give up.  Indeed, champions, all!

So, just what is it that makes a champion a champion?

Determination?  Genetics?  Being stubborn?

Yes, I believe all of these contribute to that which separates mediocrity from greatness.  But,I think there is more.

Whether an athlete, a student, a business-person, a parent or one who aspires to be one of these, what creates greatness is the refusal to see temporary lack of success as failure.  They are not one in the same, at all.

It is only when you give-up that you define yourself as one who accepts incomplete success as failure.  It is when you stop trying and surrender and give up the possibility of succeeding that you may just qualify yourself as not yet ready to succeed.

The great news is that, for most of us, it is never too late to try, try again.  While athletes sometimes have an expiration date for competition, in most cases, we can resume our journey.  OR, we can talk about it in the rear-view mirror and spend the rest of our lives talking about the "ifs" and the "buts", blaming time and circumstances for your deficiency.

I had an uncle; he had a wonderful sense of humor and was a great story-teller.  We loved his visits.

As the hours passed, he grew a bit sad.  He talked about the "old-days" and how they disappointed him, how he was held back and why luck was never on his side.

As we grew older, we began to get it.  We understood that he didn't take accountability for the outcomes in his life.  To his credit, he continued to look beyond the next horizon; in his own mind, he just never arrived; he never crossed the finish line; he stopped short of it.

Life is tough these days; you don't always win the gold medal - but you can keeping trying.  Decide what it is you really want and ask yourself what you are willing to do to get it.  If you really want to start your own business, i.e., ask yourself if you are willing to put in the long hours, make the investment of time, talent and treasure to make it happen?  

Separate what you dream about from what you long to do.

Like those competing in Sochi, Russia, are you willing to make it to the finish line- which might not always guarantee success, by the way, but it will guarantee you did your best, that you ran the race and that you own the outcome.  That, my friend, is another way to spell 'champ'.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, know the race you want to run, are you keeping your eye on the finish line and are you willing to keep trying?

                                                   Get ready, get set; GO!

STOP, and ask yourself why.

Is it just ME, or do you, too, relate to the story I share, below...?

Do you still cut the ends off the rib roast?

One night the mother was preparing dinner.

The daughter was watching everything the mother was doing, from chopping up the vegetables to seasoning the sauces.

Everything was going fine until the mother cut the ends off the rib roast.

'Why did you do that?', the little girl asked. Because that is how my mom did it', the mother answered. 'Well why did she do it?' 'You know I'm not really sure, let's call her and find out.'

So she called her mother and asked her why she had always cut the ends off the rib roasts.

'Because that is how my mom did it', was the response. 'Do you know why she did that?' 'Now that I think about it, I don't know, let me call her and ask her why.'

So the little girl's grandmother called her own mother, who was very old at this point, and she asked her the same question, 'Mom, when you would cook rib roasts, why did you always cut the ends off?

'Because the roast wouldn't fit in the oven dear.'

Isn't that great!  I love this story and I truly relate to it.

Many have observed and commented when I do things the way my Mom did; I always say, "Thank you". That, to me, is a compliment I crave and appreciate.  Though I don't believe I do anything as well as my Mom did, I know she was my first teacher; I, apparently, a good student.  I  actually feel when I am in 'Mom mode'.  It is a very warm feeling; as though she is actually not just with me but working through me. 

Then, there are times I have stopped and asked myself why I am doing what I am doing the way I am doing it!  Reminds me of the Einstein definition of insanity.    

Perhaps, the most important thing is to be aware, and accept,  that sometimes a break-in-tradition may serve us better today than old habits served us in yesteryear.

Change is not always comfortable, though sometimes necessary.

I recently worked with a wonderful woman I had coached a short time ago; I took her back to boot-camp. To her credit, she accepted the 'tough love' the next couple of hours hit her between-the-eyes with.  More so, she made the changes she needed to make that would serve her better.  It had a rather instant impact on her and she could not have been more pleased.   She took smart, necessary action to change.  Kudos to her!

Be present with, in and around yourself - I know that may sound crazy - but I observe too many people on auto-pilot waiting for things they hope will happen to magically happen without being accountable to the reality they must cause them to happen.  You must create your life; not expect it to show-up!

I marvel at live-theater performers who do up to eight shows per week.  They have to 'get up' for each performance making that show better than all those they have performed before.  There are no 'do-overs', there is no editing....this is it!

Your life is not a dress rehearsal.  Though every 'performance' may not be your best, each should be the result of your best effort.  

  

If you find yourself cutting the ends off the roast and you don't know why, it's time to stop and re-access. If today's action are not in your best interest, it's time to stop re-access.  If you need different results than the actions you are taking are getting, it's time to stop and re-access.

SO, IS it just me,  or do you, too, believe the end cuts of the roast are the best?   Why throw the best part - of anything out?  Why throw any moment away?

                                                                                                             Thanks, Mom xo

"I Was Wrong!" A Father's Confession

Is it just ME, or do you, too, recall times when the  hardest words to say - and sometimes to hear - are "I was wrong"?

The following crossed my desk last week; it touched me deeply.

Though written as a letter from a father to his sons,  I believe there is something here for everyone.

    Keith, Evan...

     I'm on a different journey in my life. I'm getting old and I'm on my own for the first  time.  I     

      thought things would be different.

     I may not have a chance to say these things to you.  So, permit me to say them now.

    Wait, don't say a word, sigh, moan or tune out as though you already know what I'm going to      

     say. You think perhaps I've said it all before like some broken record and you don't want to hear it again.

    What could I possibly say that I haven't said before?

    "I was wrong."

     

     I knew that would get your attention.   

     

    When I told you how much I loved you, I was wrong. It turns out I loved you even more.

    When I said, "You can become anything you want." I was wrong. You're becoming even more than      you thought you could.

    When I said, "You didn't hear a word I said!" I was wrong. I've heard you say "I    

    love you!" a million times.

   When I told you "Hold my hand when we cross the street. You'll be safe."

    I was wrong. I really wanted to hold onto you while I could. I knew one day you'd     let go of    me.

   When I said I'm very proud of both my sons, I was wrong. I never imagined how     

    incredibly proud I could be.

   I've heard you say that you want things to be different when you have children and    you don't want an ordinary life.  I said the same thing. I was wrong.

   I did indeed do things differently than my dad, you will, too. But in the end I wanted the      same results. I wanted the very best for my children.  So did he. In spite of all his imperfections,      

    inability to communicate his love properly, stubborn, sometimes arrogant ways, my father did okay.

   My brother is an incredibly successful man and I'm still working on it.

  So, as I venture into this new life let me leave you with one final thought.

  Don't take anything for granted.  Work hard to make love the focus of your life.   Don't assume that everything is okay with your marriage. Ask, listen and change   where you need to make changes.

  You can say the words, "I love you!" but you must also show it.

  You can show her that you love her, but she must also know you mean it.

  You can sing to her, cling to her and think you are everything to her, but don't   

  assume you are, just because she's still there.

  You may turn around one day and find yourself alone.

  Oh, yes.  One really big thing...Don't ever be too proud to say, "I was wrong."  

  I love you,

  Dad

Written by Bob Perks:
Bob Perks is an inspirational author and speaker and a truly remarkable human being.

It must stop; you can help...

I received the Press Release, below, and was asked to share it.  Human trafficking is a multi-billion dollar "industry", and I use that term loosely; the very thought of which turns my blood cold.

The subject of the movie "Taken", we got a sense of the organization, the complicity, the tragedy and the seemingly simple process of abducting and trafficking young girls for huge profits and for the sport of it!

My heart breaks for every parent, every brother and sister, every family member and every friend who has a loved one gone missing never to know what really happened and living with the reality of the likelihood of l never seeing them again.

You are about to meet Norma Bastides; thankfully, she is a survivor...who generously shares her story and is now dedicated to raising the awareness of this social tragedy, particularly as it exists between Mexico and the United States.

Please read what follows.  Get angry! Share it.  Do everything you can to end the tragedy that is human trafficking.  Thank you.  

1200 Pearl Street, Suite 65 Boulder CO 80302 (o) 303-625-4074 (f) 303-625-4072 info@iEmpathize.org 

  

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 

  

Sexual Violence Survivor Seeks to Break Ultra-Triathlon World Record to Encourage People to Be Relentless in Fight Against Human Trafficking

  

Norma Bastidas, a 46-year-old single mom, survivor of sexual abuse and violence, humanitarian, and the first woman ultramarathoner to complete seven ultramarathons on seven continents in seven months in 2009, now seeks to break the world record for an ultra-triathlon by completing 3,536 miles (5,690 km) in 36-45 days. Her goal is to bring awareness to the fight against human trafficking in two countries – Mexico and the United States – and to empower victims and survivors of sexual violence and human trafficking across the world.

  

A dual citizen of Mexico and Canada, Bastidas (www.normabastidas.com ) will begin her quest in Cancun, Mexico on March 1, 2014, where she plans on swimming 95 miles (152 km), averaging 8-10 miles per day. She’ll then bike 2,740 miles (4,409 km), averaging 300-500 miles per day. Hoping to cross the border into the United States at Laredo between March 18-20, she will continue biking across Texas, through San Antonio to Houston and on to New Orleans, Louisiana. When she reaches Montgomery, Alabama, she’ll switch to running and head for Washington, DC, 690 miles (1,110 km) away, attempting to average between 30-50 miles daily.

  

The current ultra-triathlon record listed by Guinness World Records is by David Holleran of Australia, who completed a triathlon of 26 mile (42 km) swim, 1242 mile (2,000 km) cycle and 310 mile (500 km) run (total 1,579 miles) in 17 days, 22 hrs, 50 mins., in 1998.

  

A documentary team from iEmpathize, a non-profit organization (www.iempathize.org ) whose mission is to combat modern slavery and child exploitation, will accompany Bastidas to capture her event on film. While Bastidas was kidnapped and almost trafficked herself, the resulting film iEmpathize will release in either late 2014 or early 2015, titled Be Relentless (www.BeRelentless.iEpathize.org ), will  -- more -- 

Bastidas ultra-triathlon – page 2-2-2 feature not only her story, but the stories of human trafficking victims and their advocates in both the  United States and Mexico. These stories include a jungle raid and rescue in Chiapas, Mexico, the USC  law school’s successful liberation of a Mexican trafficking survivor who was jailed for a murder her trafficker committed in front of her, and the stories of “everyday heroes” fighting one of society’s greatest modern human rights violations. Money raised from the film will benefit prevention projects through development of materials, programs and curriculums for education projects, and empower survivors through scholarship funds. 

 “Ultras are tough, both physically and emotionally,” commented Bastidas, who was featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network and written up in Runner’s World, “but the challenge is only temporary. After I finish an ultra, my life goes back to normal, but survivors have to keep overcoming huge challenges every day of their lives.”  

Bastidas understands challenges. Born in Mazatlan, Mexico, the eldest of six children, she helped rear her siblings after her father deserted the family while she was still young.  She experienced sexual abuse as a child, sexual violence as an adult and currently lives in Canada with her two sons, one of whom is losing his sight due to a congenital eye disease.  

As a stress release, she began running when she was 38 and in a short span of time decided to become an ultramarathoner to raise money for organizations working to fight blindness.

  

In 2012, after facing the challenge of speaking about the sexual abuse, rape and near trafficking experience she suffered, she set out alone from Vancouver, BC to run to her birthplace in Mexico – a journey she made to empower victims to stand up against the violence they’d undergone and to fight human trafficking. She chronicled her trip in a book titled Running Home.

  

During that trip, iEmpathize provided Bastidas with support both in Los Angeles and in Tijuana, Mexico. Be Relentless is their first joint project. 

  

“We had just wrapped up a project partnering with Mexico’s Commission to End Human Trafficking, a national campaign focused in their federal district,” explained Brad Riley, iEmpathize founder and president. “And we wanted our next project to be something that would engage multiple sectors in  -- more -- 

Bastidas ultra-triathlon – page 3-3-3  

multiple countries, spread the message to an expanded audience, cause people to focus on the problem – without polarizing them or causing them to turn away -- and then consider what their role could be in ending sexual exploitation. Be Relentless is that project, and Norma makes it a reality.”  

Riley believes cultural perceptions surrounding the current condition of human trafficking in the United States are inaccurate or reflect a gross misunderstanding of the rate at which this is occurring in our backyards. The Be Relentless project will work to demystify what a survivor is, how he/she becomes a victim, and then demonstrate that survivors – and virtually everyone everywhere – is capable of doing extraordinary things to make a positive impact in the fight against human trafficking. 

  

“If Norma can more than double the world’s record for the longest triathlon, most people should be able to find a way, albeit small, to transform themselves into ‘everyday heroes’ and agents for positive change,” Riley concluded.  

Bastidas believes this ultra-triathlon is a metaphor for life – anything is possible if it’s broken down into small parts. She proclaims, “These victims are heroes, they are survivors, and hopefully people at the end of the documentary will change their perception of what a strong person, or a strong human being, or a strong woman is." 

For more information, contact: Mary Wade, mary@iempathize.org, (970) 404-0602. 

iEmpathize is a human rights non-profit dedicated to combatting crimes against children. Our mission is to eradicate child exploitation and inspire cultural shifts towards empathy and engagement. We work in prevention, intervention, aftercare, and advocacy, with most of our work focused on the US and Mexico.      

More than a game!

So, is it just ME, or do you, too, feel that certain events are often more than they appear to be?

Today is February 2, 2014; it's SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!

For the 48th time, the winning teams of the AFC (American Football Conference) and the NFC (National Football Conference)

will meet on a neutral grid-iron for 60 minutes of play - that will actually take more than 3 hours to complete.

American football is big!  It's big business, it has a big fan base, it earns big money and it attracts the biggest TV audience of the year - every year!

But, it's just a football game!!

Or, is it?

I'm a sports fan.  I was raised in a sports family.  I love it.

From where I sit, it's so much more than a football game...

When two opposing sides face each other, it is likely that we all take sides.  Bets are made as to who will be right about the outcome and by how much.  It's a sub culture with its own rules and everyone seems OK playing within those rules.  For a period of time, we agree to (politely) disagree.  We debate, pledge allegiance to a logo, a uniform worn by the team we started rooting for as children that today is worn by a  completely different group of warriors.

Advertisers are willing to pay kings' ransoms for a 30-second spot during the game; we view them with the same discerning eye as the game, itself.

No, this is not just a game.

It's as though we collectively take a time-out to refocus on something that, when said and done, really affects but a handful.

But, it is also a time when we find pleasure in an event that, despite having to choose a team, actually brings us together.

At 6:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, millions of us will be sitting in crowded living rooms,  eating the same food and drinking the same drinks.  We become a collective conscious, much as we will unite during the Olympics that begin just days from now. 

This CAN be so much more than a game.  It can be a template of life, itself:  it's natural to disagree and still share the experience, it's OK to walk away from that experience in second place; life goes on.  It's good to share time with family friends and even strangers for a purpose that serves us all.  It's OK.

Today is also what we in the United States call Ground Hog's Day. Based on the hope of an early Spring as opposed to 6 more weeks of hard winter weather, an over-sized rodent comes out of his hole-in-the-ground as on-lookers wait to see if he will see his shadow, or not. 

Scientific, don't you think?

Much like the outcome of today's football game, the Ground Hog in Pennsylvania and the Ground Hog on Long Island, New York disagree!  But that's OK, too.  It will be what it will be!  (Actually, though, I hope the Long Island verdict is correct - that's where I live!)

Friends, what can we learn from a football game?

We can learn that life always combines victories and defeats.

We can learn that healthy debate and unwavering loyalty are good things.

We can learn that it's never too late to be a winner.

We can learn to respect the opinions of others and still love them when they don't agree with ours.

And we can learn that it is possible to eat too many wings!   

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, agree life could be great if it were one big football game?  

Game on!