It’s about never giving up…

Is it just ME, or do you, too feel pain in our heart when women refer to themselves as failures?

It hurts!

I ‘attended’ a wonderful Teleclass this week sponsored by our community partner, Women’s Prosperity Network (WPN).  Hosted by  three amazing ‘real life’ sisters, Nancy, Susan and Trish, wonderful stories were told and meaningful, relatable metaphors shared. Truly inspiring.

The lines were opened for participation and many women stepped forward.  With bold and honest words, they shared their feelings, their “her”spectives  - and their pain.  Many spoke of their failures.

I put myself in the cue but time ran out before I had the opportunity to share these thoughts:

FAILURE is not the opposite of success.  Read it again, please:  FAILURE is not the opposite of success.

By connotation, that statement may seem hard to digest, even contradicting, yet, I firmly believe it and stand by it.

Failure is a state of mind, a temporary condition; unless, of course, one is looking for a reason to stop trying.  That’s a whole different state of mind!

I think of this “f-word” (don’t even like to put it out there) as a series of successive attempts that perhaps didn’t achieve exactly what you were hoping for or didn’t take you as far as may have wished.  These temporary holding patters do, however, serve you well - if you see what they are really about: they get you one step, albeit a potentially painful and disappointing one, CLOSER to what you perceive success to be.  That’s not a bad thing.  (I love crossing things off my list of things to do.  I love crossing things off my list of things to try.)

Then, you must try again…and again…and again.  If your why and the passion driving you is strong enough, you will not stop trying.  You don’t keep trying until you fail, silly; you try until you succeed.  Better yet, you keep going until you build a higher mountain – you just keep climbing.  When you look back, you don’t see where you stumbled; you see how far you’ve come.  That’s success!

We sometimes hear of those ‘overnight success’ stories, often in the world of entertainment.   Then, you hear the back-story  of how it took 10, 20, 30 years of rejection and disappointment to become an ‘overnight success’.  Trust me, there is no true overnight success; we call them ‘one-song wonders’.  

I offer that you be careful about what you put out to the universe.  If you are using words, such as failure, to describe yourself, you are actually defining your belief system.  Your belief system is your reality and the result of your thoughts.  If you think you are a failure………. You think, therefore you are! 

Wherever you are on your road to your next success, whatever number your next attempt may be, remember to celebrate the small steps already behind you; each has brought you one step closer, one step beyond where you used to be.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, recognize moments of successful attempts in your life, in your career, in the relationships you are trying to build?  Sure you do.  Celebrate them…then start moving again.

Countless, consecutive steps

will take you wherever it is you want to go!

As always, there are two sides!

Is it just ME, or do you, too appreciate reading something that just makes sense?

TheIWLA member, Michelle shares “Her-spective” on leadership, and yes, there are two sides…it even starts right in the title!

Thank you for sharing. Michele Unangst; I know our readers will enjoy your article.

“Leadership: Talk So They Will Listen; Listen So They Will Talk!”

Communication it is the single most important aspect of our lives.  From our personal relationships: spouses, children, and significant others to our business relationships.  The art of communication will be the making or breaking of your business and your effectiveness of a leader.

Having the ability to talk and listen is paramount.  From internal to external people.  It is our ability to be present, but to really listen and talk.  Have you ever had a conversation where it left you in total frustration?  Where you felt the person was just thinking of the next thing they wanted to say?  Or the conversation was people making their talking points, but no one responding to each other?  Your ability to relate, engage, and connect is critical to you being a leader.

Leadership in Speaking:

• Motivate:  Learn how to be the motivational force.  Not 24/7, but have the ability to see when people need it and how they need it.  Your ability to talk, rally, and engage people to push them forward will drive leadership success.

• Brand Ambassador:  You are the Brand Ambassador.  Just like children look and mimic everything their parents or other adults do, so do your teams and partners.  If you are the Brand Ambassador of your company, people look to your communication as to how you wear that flag. 

Do you represent it in good times and bad?  Are you negative?  Are you the driving voice or the dissenting voice?  Leadership as a Brand Ambassador, your communicating 24/7 what are you saying?

• Mission:  Do you portray the mission of your company?  You as the leader need to effectively and consistently communicate the mission, the passion, the reason why the company is doing what they are doing.  People need structure, they need to know the reason why and it needs to be voiced consistently.

• Daily and Consistent:  You need to take daily and consistent action in communication.  Not communication by convenience. Your voice needs to be presented daily.  People need the reassurance of positive leadership and voice.

Leadership in Listening:

• Real and Genuine.  It must be real and genuine.  People can see through when you are present, but not listening.  If you care to know, care to grow, you must listen.  People have to feel that their voice has value.  If not, your leadership turns quickly to dictatorship.

• How You Listen.  Don't listen through email or Skype.  Look, you will communicate with people that way and it is effective. However when it is important, creative, necessary connect with people on a one-on-one level.  You cannot express feelings and emotions effectively in email or using emoticons.  Digital connection is great, but nothing can beat the look in the eye, empathetic handshake, smile, and tone of voice.  How you listen is key.

• You Have Two!  Yes, you have two ears and one mouth for a reason.  As leaders we want to fix, but at times, the best way to fix an issue is to listen.  People need to say their piece, vent, or get a full idea out.  Give people the space to fully express their opinion, before feedback or fix mode.  You will be amazed how people will lead themselves to their own answer without giving advice.  Win!

• Free Zones.  Criticism free zones are vital in listening and leadership.  In a group forum if you cultivate a free flow of ideas or issues without public and peer condemnation the results will go further than you ever thought possible.  Whether at a weekly meeting, daily, quarterly, in a boardroom or outdoors, ensure you make those free zones a safe place for all voices and opinions to be heard!  You lead by allowing it!

Leadership and the art of communication.  Ideas, products, and opportunities come from every place.  If you create and consistently adhere to an environment that will empower you to talk so people will listen; then listen to empower people to talk, you are leading from the front!

So, IS it just me, and I know it isn’t, as Michelle expresses such a well-balanced and fair view of the power of listening.  I couldn’t agree more.

Listen! Opportunity is (always)calling you.

Eighteen hours later!

Is it just ME, or do  you, too, find excitement where others may ‘just not get it’?

True story…..

Last night, September 19, 2013, I left the office much earlier than I usually do; it was about 6:15 p.m.  My purpose, or so I thought, was to arrive home to get ready for a conference call originating from Australia.

I started the car. From the dashboard, the car radio spoke to me in familiar voices; it was tuned to Sports Radio.  Within one-quarter mile of the office, a woman’s voice chimed in.  It drew my attention as it was a new voice with a new message – particularly on this station.

With no time to truly focus on the story being shared, I did pick up bits and pieces:  started a business with no money…worked hard…sold to a 6 billion dollar company…can teach you to do the same …. name …phone number…repeated name…repeated phone number….

I got her first name, Sheila.  I got the area code…

BUT, what I really got was excited!  I had to find this woman.  I knew I wanted to speak with her…Who was she?  What is her last name?  How will I find her?  Still excited, nonetheless!

Flash forward a whole 18 hours….

I am at a business luncheon with one of our community partners, Women’s Prosperity Network…arriving a bit late was a woman who came right to my table and seated herself directly across from me.  I eyed her name tag…you guessed it…it was Sheila!

“Oh, my gosh”, I (think I) said, “I think I heard you on the radio last night.”   “Yes”, she replied, “that was me.”

Now, come on…this was just eighteen hours later.  I hadn't figured out how I was even going to be able to begin to search for her:  call the radio show, Google and in she walks and in minutes we are about 5 feet from each other having lunch; SHE FOUND ME!

We chatted, determined we would explore options between us, ate brownies!  SHE FOUND ME!

AND, guess what…the conference call I was headed for, what I thought was the reason I was even in my car at that moment – never happened.  SHE FOUND ME!

My last blog was about creating opportunity, to always be looking for it, to always be creating and to see it where it is and to know it is there for a reason – and there’s a reason when it’s not there, too!

The Good Book tells us to ‘seek and we shall find, the ask and it will be given to us, to knock and the door will be opened to us’ – this was never a secret, let alone “The Secret”.

I promise you, your blessings are there, you are a blessing to others and you lack nothing – unless you chose to go through life with blinders on while whistling a happy tune and not recognizing the universe is calling YOUR NAME.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, have one of these wonderful ‘coincidental’ (NOT!) stories in your life…please share them…send them to me at beth@theiwla.com.

It was Sports Radio!!!

Opportunity; it’s everywhere…

Is it just ME, or are you, too, curious as to where and how some people fall into their next big opportunity; how they “get lucky”?

Opportunity, sometimes misunderstood, seems to always be arriving on the doorsteps of the same people… funny how that happens.  Here’s WHY is happens.

Those often labeled “lucky” are not sitting around waiting for opportunity to knock; they go looking for it, they create it.  Opportunity doesn't happen TO them, it happens BECAUSE of the; that’s the difference.  You find it; it doesn't  find you, even if that is how it seems.

Create a vision, a very clear vision, of exactly what the opportunity you might be ‘waiting’ for.  Between here and there, between the what is and what you hope will be, determine what it is that is keeping you from it.  Be honest.  Don’t blame it on this or that – and definitely not on your Mother!

Arrange your list in the order you believe they need to be crossed-off in order for you to ‘receive’ the opportunity.  Study it.  Examine it.  WORK THE LIST.

Start chipping away at everything you think is preventing opportunity from coming your way.  That, in itself, is an opportunity.  See, I told you it is everywhere.

It is often the simple things that make the biggest difference; often taking the first step…so take it.  Dreaming is great, but until you put what it is you dream about into forward motion (ACTION!) it is just a sweet dream.  Sweet dreams can fool you; they can easily turn you bitter for what can never be without… you got it – A C T I O N!

This exercise is a challenge; it requires that you strip down in front of yourself and get real.  It’s an exercise worth doing; it can be quite liberating and quite revealing…mostly it reveals that, yes, opportunity is everywhere – if you are willing to see it, move toward it  and  accept it; are you?

Now, when you tone those muscles and begin to create opportunity, you get good at it; they seem to present themselves one after another.  As with any muscle you tone, you get stronger  Your creative senses are heightened, your energy level is up, you are working harder and enjoying it more…you are creating your own destiny…. then others will call you “Lucky”, too.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, feel you’re ready for some “luck” to come your way?

            You may never know what results come from your action.

                    But, if you do nothing, there will be no result.

                       

Mohandas Karamkchand Gandhi

1869 – 1948

Led India to Independence

For a fun look at creating opportunity:   CLICK HERE

It’s everywhere!

There’s always a lesson; if you listen for it…

Is it just ME, or do you, too, often learn lessons in the strangest places and at the strangest times?

Here’s one for you…

I was watching – of all things – “Sister Act”, starring Whoopi Goldberg.  It is a cute and completely ridiculous scenario of a mediocre Las Vegas lounge singer hiding in a convent to avoid being killed by her mobster, married boyfriend after she witnesses a murder he ordered.  I did say, ‘cute’, didn’t I?

(At this time, I shall like to present this disclaimer:  I wasn’t actually watching so much as using it as background noise as I cleaned my house Saturday morning.  Hey, it passes the time!)

Believing there is a lesson in every situation, I soon found one in “Sister Act”…

Disguised as a nun (old fashioned habit, and all) Dolores, a/k/a Sister Mary Clarence,  soon becomes the Choir Director at St. Elizabeth’s Convent.  She is assigned a group of willing participants:  basses, altos and sopranos mixed among each other making the collaborative musical expression less – way less -  than pleasing to the ear!  Each doing her own thing. There was no proper blend, nothing that would create a pleasant experience for the listener and probably  less so for the vocalists, themselves.

Soon, Sr. Mary Clarence has a properly arranged, complimenting group of harmonious singers in perfect synchronization!

The perfectly pitched choir beamed with satisfaction and wonderment looking to their Director for answers…

“You have to listen to each other if you want to come together as a group”, said Sr. Mary Clarence.

With that, I, too, was beaming.  She nailed it!  In so doing, she created a positive experience for all, opened the door for better things to come and made every ‘Singing Nun’ the best she could be in that moment.  There was purpose, a goal, balanced give and take; it was beautiful.

She taught them how to listen!

I’ve coached classes for years and I couldn’t agree more; you have to learn to listen – and listen well.

In listening, you show concern for the thoughts and feelings of the other party, you honor the speaker with basic – and necessary – respect and you uncover in yourself how you can best serve others.   Ahh,  how to serve others! 

     

The world needs women to come together and it will not always be to sing; it will be to listen to each other, to respect each other, to learn from each other and to truly come together as a harmonious group.  That is what it will take to move ourselves and the world forward.  Not everyone can be speaking at the same time; someone has to listen!  

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, realize that, if for even a moment, you stop and listen to someone else and put that person first and make what that person is saying the most important focal point, you give a great gift.  Listening is important; it identifies the common denominators, the common cause and it is a huge step toward taking positive action…it makes me want to celebrate…all together now…

Whoopi!

Celebrate how you chose to lead!

Is it just me, or do you, too, know women who you believed would have big careers – then did not?

A recent article in Harvard Business Review (September, 2013), in fact,  the cover story:  “The biases that still hold female leaders back – and how to overcome them” left me a bit confused.

Written by three women, all experts in their field,  it opened on workplace predisposition to favor male over female colleagues when opportunity for promotion arose, putting even the most aspiring women in weaker positions. 

The article was obviously well researched and extremely well written. What it left me wondering is if companies are being encouraged to develop programs that are designed to encourage women to seek higher leadership roles in the first place, then, mapping the ‘how to’ by encouraging them to think – and act – more like their male counterparts?

Not a great plan, I’m thinking!

I have always viewed, among the many natural leadership skills of women, the fact that we don’t think like men!  Nor, do we act like them.  But, WE DO TAKE ACTION – a premier leadership quality.

The article explained that women have fewer networking resources, and limited mentors compared to their male counterparts.  It encourages women to work among themselves, compare notes, support each other and collaborate – all of which I agree with.  It leaves me wondering if that is not a case of – and I use this comparison somewhat apologetically, but it does establish a basis for  comparison -  “the blind leading the blind”. 

Yes, of course women need to support women; that’s what we do every day at The International Women’s Leadership Association.  We collaborate with other organizations and push where we feel we are needed to push and pull when we feel we need to pull.

 

Here’s what we also believe: leadership is relative.  The food-chain of the universe makes most of us a leader in comparison to another in any given situation.  In another situation, roles may be reversed.  That’s a good thing; a necessary thing.

No leader works alone.  As the article points out, women are rated as going above and beyond in the performance of tasks; tasks, which men, innately are less skilled at.  So, when it comes to actually getting things done – who’s leading the army?  Who IS the army? 

Title aside, women continue to play higher and higher strategic roles in government, education and private and public business sectors alike.  I don’t think we need to apologize for how long it may have taken to be recognized for our contributions.

The article focuses on “second generation bias”.  Perhaps, one of the reasons it may have taken women a bit longer is that – oh, right, we were birthing and parenting that generation.

Here’s what I really want to say: don’t let your true womanhood be compromised for the sake of a title, a corner office or the pressure of others to make you feel you are less than what you can be because those things just might not be as important to you as others want them to be.

The power and the potential of women comes with our ability and capacity to decide for ourselves.  The social push to guilt women into wanting more – which typically comes at the cost of something else we value just as much -  is, perhaps, the greatest pressure women deal with.  Conversely, those who chose not to raise a family or to combine doing so in tandem with climbing the corporate ladder have been called-out by their female counterparts, maybe even moreso.

WOMEN:  lead where, when and to the extent you can every moment and move forward at the pace you feel is best for you (and your family). 

WOMEN:  seek the support of other women, but, not for approval for what you are, or aren't doing; you don’t need approval.

WOMEN:  embrace your God-given gender empowerment and celebrate that you have the right to choose how – and when – to put your greatest leadership skills to work and for whom.

Thank you to Herminia Ibarra, Robin Ely and Deborah Kolb, who lead by example as these three women came together and collaborated on this provocative article; it got me thinking!

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, want to offer more support to those women among us who aspire to continue to reach higher and higher in our leadership role in the workplace as well as to appreciate those women among us who know their greatest leadership roles are in aspiring to raise the next generation -  daughters AND sons – who will, perhaps make “second generation bias” the last?  That is their success – and a brilliant career!

To the Harvard Business Review I politely wonder if, in choosing the “art” for this cover story, it might have been more appropriate to represent today’s woman as more than a 1950-ish cutout?

Maybe that’s part of the answer!

      

“…you are as good as the company you keep”

Is It Just ME, or do you, too, believe this to be true?

If you have read previous blogs of mine – and I sincerely invite you to – you may recall I reference and quote words of wisdom shared by my Dad; he always seemed to know the right thing to say.

Well, the title, above, is something my Dad believed very strongly in.  He urged his children and grandchildren to exercise good judgment in choosing those you “hang around with”.  He understood that those with whom you associate would eventually lead to how other associate you. 

Wisdom.

Today, I received the following, simple, yet thought provoking message:

CHOOSE CAREFULLY, indeed!

So, who do you aspire to be like?

What are you doing to put yourself in the company of the sort of person you wish to be most like?

This requires some thoughtful consideration, no doubt…

Look back on some of your relationships…why do some endure while others seem to just fall by the way-side for no apparent reason?

Relationships, like anything else have to have measurable ROI (return on investment) in order to continue to invest in them.  I am certainly not just talking about fiscally measurable benefits – though in business, this is certainly to be expected.  The ROI on a relationship can be measured in many ways, but remember, it’s not all about you. There is someone else in the game with you and that party should anticipate an ROI, as well.  The interesting thing is that it need not be a concurrent ROI or anything resembling the quid-pro-quo, but there must be something of value for both parties over the long term.  If not, relationships tend to die and, as hard as that may be to accept in the moment, it is the natural course of events. 

So, time marches on.  New relationships are born.  Some evolve.  Some go as fast as they came.  They all serve a purpose in their term; they all give way to new ones, they have all brought you to where you are.  Be grateful for them all.

Getting back on track, learn to sew your seeds of relationship-building where they have the greatest chance to take root, to blossom, and to serve you as best they can.  Be willing to play the same role for others. 

Choose carefully!

I look at it this way:  every year, I plant my garden.  Some of the prettiest blooms are annuals; they need to be uprooted and planted anew each year.  Some are perennials.  Not always as beautiful in the beginning; they take more work, but they last forever.  They are reliable; they come back every year.

Be a relationship an “annual” or a “perennial”, they both add beauty and enjoyment to the garden; they both serve a purpose, but they are not the same.

Choose carefully! 

       

In your garden of life, who do you choose to plant yourself near to grow roots, to bloom, to grow?  It take just a handful (5) blooms in your garden to become a beautiful one, an admired one, one that, in one way or another, adds value to your garden and draws others to want to be in it.

Choose carefully!

So, IS it just me, or do you, too feel you have 5 great people who you would be proud to be counted among.  You ARE only as good as the company you keep.

Choose Carefully!