Pain and Passion

Is it just ME, or do you, too, know someone who is or did suffer from Alzheimer's Disease?

It seems to be one of those "things" that became a household word over night. For my family, it became very real when Uncle Bill, a world renowned equine surgeon was stricken, seemingly from out of the blue.  Admittedly, however, the rear view mirror did seem to have tossed us a few clues.

We watched his mind and his body change.  We witnessed personality changes we were not prepared for.  Uncle Bill's case seemed to advance rapidly and, in just a few years, Uncle Bill's life transitioned completely.

In the years he endured all that Alzheimer's gave and all that it took, we sought information, answers, options, treatments and ultimately a safe place for him to die as peacefully as possible.

Uncle Bill, who had lectured around the world, taken veterinarian medicine from the dark ages and developed new surgical procedures, no longer remembered all that he had accomplished; tragic in so many ways.

Throughout it all, Aunt Audrey stayed strong (she always does), did whatever the moment demanded of her and protected her husband of more than fifty years from what he could not understand.  He died on her 79th birthday.

Flash forward eight years...today...

I was working on a Press Release for a member of The International Women's Leadership Association (TheIWLA), Sally Moore, and perhaps for the first time looked at Alzheimer's from a different perspectives: that of they who care for the people with Alzheimer's Disease.

Sally is the Founder,President and Executive Director of 'Perks N Moore', a non profit company inspired by Sally's personal experience as a Caregiver of twelve years for her mother and her husband, both of whom suffered from Alzheimer's.

Here's what I never knew: 40% of Caregivers and 60% of family members who care for a loved one with Alzheimer's actually die before the person they are caring for!

Sally focuses on the need of the Caregiver to have resources and support to balance-out the overwhelming stress their charge places on them.  Education, mentorship, and socialization are among the needs of those who care for those who can no longer care for themselves.  

Alzheimer's clearly affects the life of the Caregiver as profoundly as he or she medically afflicted.  WOW.  Did I really get this when Aunt Audrey was suffering as much as Uncle Bill?  Now, I realize it is the Caregiver, aware of how life is changing for her,  while the only grace of Alzheimer's is that the patient is somewhat protected by the very nature of the disease.

I understand the passion that is behind Sally Moore's mission and I am grateful that she is dedicated to those who can so easily be forgotten; the Caregivers.

As the aging adult population grows, the odds of more being stricken with quality-of-life-robbing-disease, like Alzheimer's, goes up.  Sally is in the right place at the right time and we need to support her mission in as many ways as possible.  

I'm not (just) talking about money. I'm talking about appreciating those who care for others - in all cases and with all diagnosis.  Saying "thank you", lending a hand, spending quality time even if just for a few minutes are all things we can easily do for those who make such an incredible difference in the last years, days and moments of others' lives.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, feel greater appreciation for all those who step up when needed, for those who always seem to be in the right place at the right time and just do - whatever - it is that needs to be done?  There are amazing people in the world and among those who are sometimes overlooked are Caregivers.

                                              

            Thank a Caregiver, today and every day                  

                        Thank you, Sally Moore

I'm a ROAD Scholar

Is it just ME, or do you, too, try to find the lesson in - well - just about every situation?  

I guess old habits really do die hard!

Growing up, the question, "What did you learn from that?" was, somewhat a frequently asked question around our house.

It taught us to think, discern, learn, make better choices.  Not at all a bad habit!  Apparently, it worked; I really did learn!

As the North Atlantic coast of The United States gets hit with the second serious blizzard of 2014 (Hello, it's only January 21!) I knew it would be a long drive home.  My typical just over one hour trek took 4 hours and 10 minutes!

Luckily, my husband and I were traveling together and the grocery shopping he thoughtfully did before picking me up provided the opportunity to picnic as we sat in traffic.

As we crawled along, I thought about how little we were actually in control of in that moment...Mother Nature had decided to wrap us in her winter white blanket, everyone seemed to have panicked at or about the same time in a failed effort to get home early, and radio show announcers seemed to think none of knew it was snowing - so they told us it was, again and again and AGAIN!

On most other days, we, who weren't moving enough to even launch our speedometers off their resting perches, would be flying by each other, weaving in and out with a blind eye to those we share the road with.

Today, we were more polite, maybe even more patient as we blended in methodical style, waiting our turn as 3 lanes merged in to 2.  Mother Nature seemed to be teaching us better social graces.

The funnel tightened.  We were one in a herd of assorted vehicles, as if hoping to be worthy of admittance.  We dutifully followed whoever was ahead of us, not even knowing if our ultimate goals were at all alike.  We couldn't see all that far ahead, but we kept moving.  Staying in motion seemed the most important thing in the moment.  Isn't that always the most important thing?

As we headed further east, the herd thinned; it always does.  Our role changed.  

We were no longer followers; we were the leaders!  WE had to chose the path we would map out for those west of us to follow; and they did.   They trusted the anonymous black vehicle in front of them; they followed us and we actually discussed the "power" we had over others in that moment.  We were happy to assume the responsibility to carve the path that those we could no longer even see but in the dimmest reflection of their headlights would follow to reach their destinations.  We chose a path and we left something behind that others could use and they enforced it for those who would come after them!  Our tire marks mattered!!  The marks we leave on the world always matter!

Further east, we saw a lone car off on the right shoulder with its right blinker on.  We slowed as we passed; all seemed fine. 

Once we were a bit ahead, that car got behind us and began to make progress toward its own destination.  Glad we could help, I thought to myself! 



Who knew there was so much to learn during a longer than usual drive home?  I guess it was like a mini journey, a chapter, in the longer journey we call life.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too see there are lessons all around us and, sometimes, Mother Nature feels the need to slow us down a bit to realize them and to learn from them.  Good job, Mother Nature! I can't wait to discover the lessons to be learned as we shovel a foot of snow tomorrow - oh yeah, bend your knees!

Life; it's a trip!

You have to really want it!

Is it just ME, or do you, too, believe a picture truly is worth a thousand words?

If you've never given this too much thought before, this link is likely to change your mind…there are so many lessons taught in this amusing and amazing video.

CLICK ON PHOTO TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

  

So, just how badly to YOU want what you say you want and just how hard are you willing to work to get it?

PLAY…ENJOY…LEARN

DO!

Lessons Grandmothers Teach

Is it just Me – and I hope it isn’t, but do you, too, look back on the lessons taught by your Grandmother and grow to appreciate them more and more?

As I write, it is January 12, 2014.  Today marks 40 years since I lost my beloved Nanny Johnston; she was my Dad's Mother and a huge influence in the lives of many, many people blessed to have known her.

Born Elizabeth A. Culkin, Nanny was born in New York City, a fact she was more than proud of.  Both her parents had come to New York from Ireland, but Nanny always said she was American.

The second child in one of those typically large Irish families, Nanny was a young woman when her own Mother died.  Her older sister married shortly thereafter leaving Nanny to raise her younger brothers and sisters and care for the house.  She did so without a second thought and never complained about having to put her own life on hold until her siblings were able to fend for themselves.  

A woman of that generation, Nanny was older than the average bride and had her first of two children, my Dad, when she was almost thirty.  Her second child came 7 years later.

Nanny was often described as a nervous type.  I think what she worried about most was what more she could do to help anyone whose path crossed hers.  She was kind, gentle, intelligent, perhaps always older than her years and gifted with the ability to tell wonderful stories - all true, by the way, of her daily encounters and mishaps.  

It is probably fair to say she wore the pants in the family as she married he who has been described as the most patient  man in the world, Poppy Johnston, who I was not blessed  to ever know.  Poppy called Nanny Jim!  That tells you something!!

At her tallest, Nanny stood 5ft,, 2 inches, but her presence in the room made her seem stately, to say the least.  She could hold her own with the best of them, I never heard her say a cross word to any one and she had a sweet smile and contagious laugh that made her blue eyes disappear as she threw her head back.

Nanny wore signature pearls, winter and summer versions, a hint of red lipstick and a scent that gave off the slightest floral note, which I can still smell today. She was up early every day, attended the 6:30 am mass, except on Sundays (she went to Mass at 9a.m) and thought she watched the 10p.m. news; she nodded her way through!

We lovingly refer to "Little Nanny"  as a "character", and boy, was she ever!

In my youth, I would have said Nanny was an old-fashioned, somewhat superstitious Irish, excuse me, American, woman who represented many norms of her generation.  Now, I am not so sure.

Born in the 1800s, Nanny now seems to have been a women well ahead of her time.  She was confident, capable, generous, smart, giving.   She always knew the right thing to do in the moment and always - always  followed-up.  She paid attention to detail, had good habits, expected much of herself and demanded less form others..

If Elizabeth A. Culkin Johnston were born today, she would fit right in.  

She had everything it takes to be a woman of leadership; a woman who lived to make a difference for others and did it with purpose, passion and unconditional love. 

Nanny was. and would still be, a woman the world could use more of.  I was a huge fan of hers and, truth be told, she was a fan of mine.  She gave me credit for such things as stopping at EVERY stop sign!  She gave me meaningful thank you gifts such as flowering plants to grow a garden.  That's  wisdom!

In those gifts were lessons of gratitude, of commitment, of worthiness and acceptance.  Nanny influenced me in ways I cannot even explain.  I carry her essence, her sensibility and her sensitivity with me and every time someone calls me "Bethy" I believe it is to remind me she is still with me.

The joy of having a Grandmother, and I was blessed to have two - is hard to trump.   For those of you who are Grandmothers, know that you are a gift to your Grandchildren.  You are likely their first Mentor, their first advocate, as you love them no matter what and intervene on their behalf at all costs.  You share stories and secrets.  You teach; they learn.  Your bond cannot be broken - even after 40 years!

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, recall the love and the lessons only a Grandmother could teach?  I hope you are as blessed as I.

I love you Little Nanny

                                           Bethy xo

Mouse in the House

Is it just ME, or do you, too, sometimes need an extra push to get going.  It’s OK, we all do!

I’m in the northeast of the United States where we have just experienced a “Solar Vortex” along with historically low temperatures.  On top of single digit temperatures, the heat in our office was not working!  Believe me, it would have been very easy to stay under the warm covers and just not rise to the occasion.

Women cannot do that though!  Women have to be the rooster in the morning who inspires others to throw back the covers and embrace a new day; it’s what we do.

So, how do we do this and after we have done it for others, what’s left for us?

If I may, I want to urge you not to wait to find out!  Create what it is you want: define it, declare it, and DO IT!

When a woman has passion and purpose behind her, there is virtually nothing that cannot get done – and done well.  The goal is not to wait for the perfect time – that time is NOW.

Don’t wait until everyone else is taken care of to permit yourself to take care of you.  The stronger you are in any and every moment the more your can do and be and give to others.  Believe me, the whole world benefits when surrounded by strong women!

Find your trigger.  Know what it is that will get you moving and then duplicate that situation.  In a short while, a new habit will form and you will be on your own “auto pilot” of sorts.

Studies show that successful people tend to be early risers.  They exercise, meditate, eat a good breakfast and schedule their day.

WOW, what a notion; reminds me of the ‘Early to bed, early to rise makes man healthy, wealthy and wise” saying.  Of course sayings only get to be sayings because they are proven to be true.  Cause for thought, don’t you think?

So, what is it that will work for you?  What is your “mouse in the house”?  (Do you know anyone whose adrenaline doesn't reach fever pitch at the very thought of a mouse being nearby?) 

Years ago, I ran 25 miles each week.  Growing more sensible, I decided to speed walk instead.  Though I liked running more, my knees said, “No.”  What cemented by commitment to walking was to walk with another woman.  It kept me on schedule, I had to honor my word, some one  was relying on me and waiting for me at 6:30 every morning at the track.  SHE was my ‘mouse in the house’.  As I saw the hands on the clock move, there came that split moment that launched me in to action.  My heart beat faster, my blood was flowing….I was on!

Life moves quickly.  Please, learn to move and grow with it.  Life is not a spectator sport, especially when it’s your life! 

So, is it just me, or are you, too willing to find your put a mouse in your house and jump-start your life in 2014?

EEEEEEEEEEK!

Turn on the light.

Is it just ME, do you, too, love a great reality check?

Here’s a simple – very simple one….

Back story:  I heard this during a recent post-Christmas service in church.  It is so beautifully simple; so simply beautiful.

So many references to light come to life around the holidays:  beautiful art, songs, poems, metaphorical depictions of “light”, whatever your perceive your light to be.  “Twas the season!  

Darkness, too comes to us in as many ways.  It begs the question, “What is darkness?”

Back to church…

Darkness is (simply) the absence of light.  WOW!  So simple.

When you walk into a dark room, my guess is that you turn on a light.

When you are driving and the day turns to night, my guess is that you turn on the lights of the car.

When the lights go out, my guess is that you light a candle or turn on a flash light.

These are all natural responses to the absence of light.

I know these are simple in comparison to the darkness some feel in their lives.  It is not always as easy to just turn on the light; but it always as possible to try.

Many live in a sort of darkness, even at the sun’s highest point of the day.  Others find a way to smile, to give, to “glow” in their own way even when others perceive they are coming through a rough time.  These are people to be admired and imitated.

For those of us in the winter of the year, our days are short (but getting longer!) and the air up north at historic lows.  It is easy to slip into the darkness of “that season” and sadly, sometimes easily understood, and even sadder, still, sometimes a choice.

There are ways to find your light: 

Call an old friend who always makes you feel loved and appreciated.

Find a mentor or a coach whose advice and counsel is meaningful to you.

Read a book that inspires you.

Re-watch a movie you walked away from feeling uplifted.

Look at the beauty of nature all around you.

Write a story , color, paint!  CLEAN!

Light is where you find it and light is where you leave it.  Please be willing to shine your light on others and be bold and caring enough to help others to put an end to their own darkness. 

So, IS it just me, or are you, too willing to strike a match, see its first flicker, watch it grow and spread and give off warmth and beauty? 

Sure you are; let's do it!!

Glow; you look beautiful in the light!

Give yourself the best “present”

Is it just ME, or will you, too admit to the next Monday, next month, next year…..

On this one, I KNOW I am not alone, and actually I have gotten much better at not putting things off.  Why?  Well, because it makes absolutely no sense to put things off. 

Life is not a dress rehearsal and we shouldn’t count on curtain calls!  We have three perspectives:  the past, the present, the future.

It’s easy to bask in both the glories and the disappointments of the past; it serves no purpose.  It’s over.  The take-away was the lesson learned; did you learn from it?  Great!  MOVE ON.

It’s just as easy to dream about the future.  Dreaming is not always a bad thing, but, it is a passive thing.  We usually do it supine and with our eyes closed!!

What I believe to be true is that what matters most is what we are doing right NOW; how are we managing our PRESENT; what we are doing right now.

Having just celebrated the holiday season and having turned the page of another calendar year, we often find ourselves making all sorts of promises – resolutions, we call them.  Interesting word; let’s break it down…it seems to mean to solve  - again.  That suggests we really didn’t solve it the first time!

Here’s my “resolution”:  not to try to resolve anything!  There, I said it.  My 2014 decision is to live in the now, my now, and to be in every moment as completely and as happily as possible.

 

I will focus on the present and in so doing will be giving myself the most perfect present 365/24/7.   Selfish?  Perhaps, a bit, but in having your best present, you can be the best present to everyone and in every moment.  Selfish?  Yeah, perhaps a bit, but I am OK with that.  I’m OK with selfishly wanting to be my best to help  others be or find their best.  YEAH, I’M OK WITH THAT!  ILL GLADLY ACCEPT THAT GIFT, THAT PRESENT, FROM OTHERS, AS WELL!

The holidays permit us to reminisce, to recall the wonders of years gone by, to smile at what a former “present” means to us in hind-sight; often more than it may have meant in the moment.  Human nature, I suppose; no apology here, for I am known to tell stories of the past, my past.  In the end, it is those stories that have brought me – and you – to the present.  They have made us who we are and it is good to be proud of that.

I’m a dreamer, too, but I do a lot of my dreaming with my eyes open and my feet moving; that’s how dreams become realities; that’s how actively dreaming in the present actualizes a wonderful tomorrow.

This is my first blog for 2014 and there is so much I want to share.  2013 blessed me with many new relationships with amazing women who have humbled me and inspired me.  I want to share it all with you…I want that to be my present to you throughout the new year.

I wish you all the best of this new year.

I urge you to take the lessons of yester-year and use them to live in the present.

I hope that each new today brings you hope, possibility and purpose – and I hope you recognize them all.

I encourage you not to  just dream, but to envision your future and plan how using today to its greatest potential with help you realize your dreams.

I hope you realize and accept your own greatness – whatever it may be – and in each and every day, maximize it, share it, grow from it.

I pray the new year brings you peace in every way.

May I now ask you to be an agent of change for others, to support other women in all they seek to do, to make your dream of a better world a fact while you are here to enjoy it and to KNOW that at the heart of every woman lies greatness.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, envision 2014 a better world for all of us?

Dare to dream; dare to do!

Happy New Year.