An open letter to parents on bullying…

Dear Parents,

Since I can remember, I have had a visceral reaction to any situation that involves bullying.   My tolerance level is ZERO.   

What makes someone a bully?  Why do some, by inaction against it, condone it?   Why is anyone stupid enough to think they are above getting caught at it?  

I don’t pretend to have all the answers.  I do believe finding answers is based on caring enough to ask the questions.

In what environment are your children being raised that gives them a sense of superiority over another child?

Perhaps this is part of the genetics vs. environment debate about which the jury is still out, perhaps indicating it is really a combination of the two; which I believe to be true.  Therefore, parents are doubly accountable.

It is tragic that children are such a part of daily news for the worst of all possible reasons. We hear stories of frustrated parents seeking assistance from schools and social systems to protect their children and getting  no response.  Families move to new towns & cities to protect their children – FROM OTHER CHILDREN !    FROM OTHER PARENTS!! 

The epidemic proportions of bullying – and the term should not be used lightly – is an indictment against all of us.   Why should a less attractive, less athletically adept, less popular, less intelligent, less social individual feel pushed to such desperate edges as to the ledges of bridges and buildings?

Social acceptance is a primal desire, I would say, as is love.   Children should leave home fulfilled of that need, certain of that love.    Children should know their value, their worth to the world and I know I sound naïve to think it could be that easy, but it is the best first step to anchor and fortify children.  To send them out as a David in a world they see as full of Goliaths is a task no child should be forced to undertake in addition to all the “normal” challenges of adolescence.  

The job – the toughest job in the world – is that of a parent.  I cannot begin to imagine the overwhelm of heartbreak in bearing witness to your child’s victimization at the hands of bullies.   
What of the parents of the bullies?  I feel as much pity for you.  For to be responsible for turning out ‘weapons’ – yes, bullies kill, just like weapons – is a burden you must bear.    I beg you to search your souls and hold yourselves accountable for the role you have played – or the role you may be ignoring – that turned your child into a death threat to other children.

Know that it is never too late to change this situation.  If you are the parent of a bully, I present to you that your child may be in as much pain as those they bully.  They are questioning their own worth by diminishing the worth of others.  They make themselves feel bigger and better by making others feel smaller and weaker.   

There is a two-sided sword to this plight we call bullying.  There can be no victim if there is no perpetrator.  We must come together and stop pretending there is no problem.  Stop saying we are monitoring our children’s computer activity when we are not.   Stop worrying about our own social status in the neighborhood, pretending we have the perfect child.  We must hold ourselves accountable; we must hold our children accountable.   We will raise kinder,  gentler, more secure children  when we do.


Lastly, let’s be honest.  Let’s stop bullying each other as parents.  Let’s join hands and hearts and protect all children, everywhere.  

Together, we can put an end to bullying – once - AND FOR ALL!!  

With respect and with hope,

Beth Johnston
Executive Director
The International Women’s Leadership Association

The Power of Words

Is it just ME, or are you, too, growing more aware of the power of the words you chose – and the power of the words you hear?

Words are weapons.  I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say. 

Choose your words carefully.  Whether you realize it or not, words can overtake your thoughts on all levels.  They become you and you can become them.

Here’s an example:

I was recently among a group of amazing women; so much to offer, so much to share.  So many represented themselves by saying what they weren’t and what they didn’t want.  They placed themselves in very negative places emotionally, psychologically and eventually..,actually.

Declare who and what you are.

State clearly what your intentions are, what your goals and mission are.

Put everything in to positive syntax and, with practice, you will see yourself, your circumstances and the world from a more positive perspective.  You condition yourself to see the glass as half-full – which, by the way, is exactly the same as the glass being half – well not half full!

I don’t know anyone who prefers to spend time with negative, complaining people than with positive, affirming ones.

Sadly, it seems to be part of the human condition to complain, to blame, to be negative.  Just think of how quickly bad news travels!  It is rarer for individuals to go out of their way to compliment, to pat another on the back and just see the upside of any situation.

Lose words such as “don’t” and “can’t” from your day-to-day conversations and chose to see, live and be more positive. Talk about the “law of attraction”, this is what will draw people, opportunity, success and fulfillment to you.  Without even realizing it, you will be turning it around and sending it back out to others.

So, IS it just me, or do you, too see that choosing words and how you express yourself can eventually define your habits and, therefore, your results?

You can?   You can!

As Breast Cancer Awareness Month Continues

Is it just ME, or do you, too, wonder when the confusion about the “dos and don’ts” surrounding breast cancer will ever  be ‘final’.

Strides have been made, the walks continue, stats pile-up; the debate goes on. 

I am willing to continue to be confused if it is an indication that science is working overtime.  The flip-flopping concerns me and as a woman blessed to not be a breast cancer patient, I, like all women, know too many women who are,  We know those being treated today, we know blessed survivors and we know others who were not as blessed to make that list, or whose time on that list ended.

We are all part of this fight.  We are all in this together.

We must continue to walk, continue to hope and continue to believe in miracles…and as women of leadership,we must do what we can to ensure the same in the lives of others.
"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." A  Audrey Hepburn 1929-1993, Actress and Humanitarian

So, IS it just me, or do you, too, truly want to believe…

Miracles happen…believe.

An Attitude of Gratitude

Is it just ME, or do you, too, recall moments in your life when you just didn't feel appreciated, or when you could have appreciated others more?

I guess we all have.  It’s not a fulfilling experience; one I try not to create for others in either direction.

In a recent Blog, I wrote about what differentiates happy people from their counterparts.  Prime on the list was that happy people maintain an attitude of gratitude.  Sounds simple enough; we must strive for this - at least 51% of the time!

Below, is a quote that recently came across my desk.  All I want to say is, “Thank you, Melody.  You remind us that simple things, though not always easy, are always possible.   You humble me as you make evident that the power to be grateful is within each of us; it is yet another choice we get to make.

Please read and contemplate these amazing thoughts of Melody, which, once read, makes it seem too obvious for us to have ever missed an opportunity to have an attitude of gratitude in our day-to-day lives.  If it is that obvious,  it is that possible.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melody Beattie

I am going to leave it there; Melody said it all.

So, IS it just me, or are you, too making a list of all that you have to be grateful for?

 

I hope it’s a long list!

Grace; amazing!

Is it just ME, or do you, too, love beautiful, simple, yet profound stories you can easily visualize?

If so, here’s one you are going to love.  Put yourself into the story.  Picture it in your own neighborhood

Finding Grace by Bob Perks

"What could this possibly be?" I thought to myself.

 Why would someone place that sign so low? No one could read it."

You see them everywhere. Small signs promoting yard sales, cars, and business opportunities are posted on poles and lobbies of stores throughout the community. So many, in fact, that they sometimes become a blur defeating the sole purpose of getting your attention.

Not this one. This one stood out because it appeared to be a mistake.

I had just arrived at the local shopping center and as I got out of my car I noticed a small sign taped to the first pole. The reason I noticed it was because it was taped to the very bottom of the pole.

At first I thought it had fallen, but at closer look I saw it had been very securely attached with several inches of masking tape. So much tape that it crossed over the middle of the sign blocking out some of the details.

I had to look closer and to see what they were selling and who would do such a silly thing.

"Ah, a house for sale. I guess this was an approach to grab your attention," I said to a store clerk who was apparently taking a break and enjoying the fresh spring air.

"I don't think so," he replied.

"Well, why else would they have placed the sign way down here?" I asked.

Then, pointing down the walkway, he said, "That little girl is doing it. I just watched her and that lady hang this one."

Stooping down, I glanced to where he was pointing and indeed saw several more signs.

Curiosity always gets the best of me and some of the most incredible stories to share with my readers. This one was sure to fall into that category.

I slowly approached them and waited until the young child wound another yard of tape around the last sign.

"Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, but why are you placing the house for sale signs so close to the ground?" I asked.

The woman smiled and turned to me. "She's not selling the house. Look closer," she said.

Again I stooped down adjusting my position until I could finally read the small print.

"We miss you!" I read out loud. I looked up and said, "I don't get it! You miss the house?"

"Look closer," the woman replied. "Look at the picture."

Okay, now I am really on my hands and knees. People passing by must have thought I was foolish.

"Do you see the child?" the woman asked.

"Yes, I do." I replied.

"Look to the left in front yard."

Now adjusting my glasses and squinting I said, "The dog? Do you mean the dog?"

"Yes! Look at the very bottom of the sign."

Now this was a test for sure.

"I miss you! Come home!"

I miss you come home? I didn't understand. Fighting to regain my dignity, I stood up.

 I must have had that confused look on my face.

"Her dog is lost," the woman explained.

"Most people would hang a lost sign with a picture of the dog on it. It would also be where people could actually see it," I said with a chuckle.

"Well, you saw it," the young girl said.

Good point.

I found myself distracted for a moment. This child had the most beautiful cherub-like face accented by short curly blonde hair that danced with every movement she made.

Just seeing her sky blue eyes twinkle with the innocence of her youthful spirit made me hesitate to ask for further explanation.

Thankfully, the woman filled me in.

"I explained to her that it may be hard to find her dog. As you can see the store has many signs posted. So she said that she had a better idea. She wanted her dog to find her. Thus the picture of the house, her and the dog," she said.

"And hanging them down there..."

"You got it. So the dog could see it," she said.

Then motioning me aside the woman whispered, "It's been missing a few days now.

We really thought it would be back already. I didn't want to give up until she felt she did everything she could."

My heart ached for the child as I tried to think of some way to help.

"What a great idea!" I said to her. Then I stooped down and said, "I will say a prayer.

 I'm going to give your mom my phone number. Call me when you and your dog are back together."

I handed the woman one of my business cards. I had to know how this ended. "By the way, what's your dog's name in case I meet him in my travels?" I asked.

"It's a girl dog," the child said. "Her name is Grace."

I looked to the woman and she confirmed.

"Yes, we named her that because that's how we got her. She was lost. 'Amazing Grace, I once was lost but now I'm found, '" the woman said smiling.

One week later my phone rang. The little girl called to tell me Grace came home.

Amazing!

So, IS it just me?

May all the Graces you seek

come to you…just as amazingly!

International Day of the Girl

http://dayofthegirl.org/

This day is about celebrating girls, and advocating for gender equality. It is about prompting people to think and talk about issues that affect girls and women everywhere. Events around the country will bring people together to both recognize the role of oppression and take a stand against its influence on their own lives and communities.

Girls in the U.S. may have come a long way from the days when women couldn't vote or wear pants. But girls still have a long way to go before they are truly considered equal to boys. If girls make up 50% of the population, why do they make up only 20% of the leadership positions? Why do women earn fewer cents on the dollar than men? And in other countries, girls face being forced to stay home and not attend school, or forced into marriage as young as 8--all simply because they are girls. Discrimination still exists, and it affects us all in some way or another. We also cannot ignore the sexism faced by girls abroad, because girls are girls everywhere, and sexism does not know boundaries; an injustice felt in a small village in Mali is an injustice felt by us all. We’re all in this together, and we can’t afford to leave anyone behind.

When the Day of the Girl is established in the United States, it will represent a major step forward for girls’ rights. Convincing the American people and government that sexism remains a life-threatening issue for many women and girls means that small victories are no longer “enough”; we demand real change. It will give legitimacy to every girl that has ever been made to feel inferior. It will broadcast the message that Americans feel that sexism must be addressed right now, in all parts of the world, especially when it directly threatens lives and well-being.

A Rose is a Rose is a “Rosie”

Is it just ME, or do you, too remember posters from when you were a child that you just seemed to understand – just because they were always there?

Please tell me it’s NOT just me!

I recall a poster in my hometown Post Office, (Manhasset, New York, U.S.A.); a poster of a woman in work-clothes, her hair tied in a scarf.  I recall she was flexing her muscles.  I loved the poster!

Over the years, the story behind the poster became more understood by those of us born after the fact…

During World War II, the male workforce of the United States was depleted by some 1.7 million men who entered into service to our country.  Many of the factory jobs held by those men were replaced with American women.  For many, these jobs represented a rather healthy raise in earnings.  These jobs were intended to be temporary and the women were expected to return to clerical positions and homemaking when “the boys” returned from war. By and large, that is what happened. 

   

In the meantime, women showed up at work, picked up their drills, welding equipment, and other assorted tools likened to household appliances and did their jobs.  Bills got paid. Perhaps this was the era that also gave birth to the need for childcare for which successful working women paid upwards of $20 per week!

The Westinghouse Company wanted to promote morale in the workplace for these women and created a series of posters set-out to accomplish that.   While many women were photographed in the workplace, the ‘morale posters’ were a cross between photos and artistic renderings.  That was the style of the poster I recall as a child.  I believe it may be the most popular. I still love it!  

 

Now known as the prelude to the feminist movement that followed in the 1960s-1970s, the 1940’s era working woman became known as “Rosie the Riveter” and is an iconic symbol of the strength, resilience, determination and potential of women in the workforce.

Today, I received a fascinating e-mail from a colleague.  It was a news story that recently aired about of a 93 year-old woman, who, almost 70 years after the end of World War II, still reports to the factory, still a “riveter”.

Could we have a better role model; I think not.  What I do think is that we all should get to know this “Rosie” a bit more and appreciate what she represents to working women everywhere.

It is with profound respect that I introduce Elinor Otto, still on the job in Long Beach, California, U.S.A….Elinor “Otto”; a women we all “ought to” respect:

 CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

So, IS it just me, or do you, too respect, appreciates and love everything that this story represents?

Thank you to the 4.1 million American Rosies

and  the countless number of Rosie’s 

around 

the world.